Toddlers and Mixed Messages

Parents of toddlers, it is doing you no favors whatsoever to give your tots mixed messages.  Confused about what I mean?  Here are my top five examples....

1.  Smiling as you tell them "no-no".  This is the ultimate mixed message to a toddler.  I'm not suggesting your scream at them.  What I AM saying is that smiling as you're trying to correct them gives them the idea that you're not serious.  It's "cute" now but wait until they're 15 and doing the same thing.  It won't be nearly as cute and you'll wonder how to fix it way too late.

2.  Bribing them to do things by saying, "Don't you do that."  Okay so it might work sometimes to get them to eat a carrot.  Wait until they get hold of a sharpie and have it poised to draw on your new sofa.  Now tell them "Don't you do that" and watch the sofa get a new deco job.  Remember how you thought it was funny before?  Yeah it's not when it matters.

3. Giving in to stop the crying.  You know who you are.  Your toddler wants the package of fruit snacks and they need to eat dinner first.  You tell them "no" and they scream.  You continue to tell them "no" so they scream louder.  It continues until you finally give in and give them the fruit snacks....lesson learned.  Screaming = victory.  Guess how that will continue in the future.

4.  Undermining your child care.  If your day care takes your son's pacifier away when you walk in, don't give them their pacifier the minute they leave day care just because.  Pacifiers were intended for infants.  Why?  To help them self soothe before they're big enough to figure it out.  A 4 year old does not need a pacifier.  I'll say that again: A 4 year old does not need a pacifier.  This applies to  many things.  Comfort items? Fine.  But you picked your child care based on it being the best possible place for your kids.  Work WITH them not AGAINST them.  It'll make your life easier, their life easier and most importantly your child's life easier.

5.  Telling them their a "big girl" and then treating them like a baby.  Guess what.  Your little girl (or boy) is learning to be independent.  That means that you need to let them do that and, more than that, encourage it.  You WANT them to be independent.  Let them learn to be a big girl (or boy).  If you treat them like a baby, they will act like one....and it will continue into their school years.

I don't pretend to be an expert but I can tell you that experience has taught me these five are big 'uns.  Do yourself a favor and quit sending them mixed messages.  It will make your life easier and their life WAY easier in the long run.