It's 7:30 PM on a Sunday night and I'm relatively certain that I'm developing gray hair as I type. Why? It's shower time in my house. Yesterday I posted on why trying to relax in the tub isn't fun for me. Today, I'm writing about why shower time in my house will put me at a code blue stress level for at least a half an hour each time. Allow me to set the stage:
We finish dinner and the dinner dishes are cleaned by 6:45. Dessert has been served and the kids and I are sitting around hanging out and having fun until I mention that dreadful trigger word: shower. Now, two of my kids shower in the mornings so only two of them have to shower at night but all four actively protest nighttime showers, nonetheless. The process starts with an argument over whose turn it is to go first. One party can present a locked tight, paid in full case as to why they shouldn't have to be first and the other will blatantly argue. It's never anyone's turn to go first. When I finally loses my shit and say, "You (blindly pointing at whichever one is nearest)! You, go get in the shower, NOW!" they have the gall to act surprised and then resign themselves to head towards the bathroom, which is where the real fun begins.
We are now sitting at around 7:10 because the whole process of arguing has taken this long. The first child to shower has left the room to gather their clothes. Ten minutes later, the shower still hasn't started. In fact, the bathroom door is still wide open and the children are nowhere to be found. I finally hunt down the child who is supposed to be showering wrestling with his brother in the bedroom. Pajamas are still in the drawer and he has completely forgotten he is supposed to be showering to begin with. His brother KNOWS he's supposed to be getting in the shower and, upon seeing me, simply points at him and then sputters that he told him he needed to get in the shower but he just wouldn't listen. I get his attention and point towards the bathroom. He quickly grabs his pajamas and goes to get in the shower.
In a matter of seconds he comes out with a completely drenched head, pajamas still clinging to his body and declares, "Done." Nevermind the path of aquatic destruction he has left before, during and after his shower. Nevermind the fact that he used his towel to step out of the shower on (despite there being a shower mat) or that he didn't turn off the shower before he got out so the entire floor is drenched. Nevermind the fact that he didn't bother to dry off his body at all but applied his lotion so he is covered in a white film but is completely soaked still. None of this is important; he is done. It is now 7:21.
He lets his sister know that it's time to get into the shower. His sister, moving on her own time, finally decides to head to her bedroom to get her clothes. Meanwhile, the oldest is playing Mother Hen telling her that she needs to hurry, she needs to pick out warmer pajamas, she needs to comb her hair before she gets in. The youngest is now harping back, telling the oldest to mind her own business. Now they're arguing and no one is getting in the shower. I give a warning to head into the bathroom NOW and she argues the whole way down the hall, getting smartass retorts from the oldest who is still sitting in her chair in the bedroom. She gets to the bathroom door and the cat is in the way. Then the cat moves and the lotion is still on the counter. That gets resolved and she's losing her brain because her brother forgot his clothes on the bathroom floor. Now a whole new argument begins over the clothes. Again, I lose my shit and tell her to just get in the shower and deal with the clothes later. Huffing and a firmly closed door say that she's irritated but she FINALLY gets in the shower. .... and I have developed an eye twitch and about seventy seven gray hairs.
I know I'll be banging on the door twenty minutes from now telling her that she needs to hurry up in the shower or she's gonna melt the ice caps and kill the polar bears, but for now I'm just going to close my eyes, count to ten and remind myself that shower time only comes once a day....thank God!
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