"Well if you cared enough about your kid, you'd just take off work..." I hear this from other parents pretty frequently. My job happens to be pretty flexible and I can make it to a good deal of my children's school activities and such. My work at the studio is also relatively fluid, if necessary. I have incredible bosses who understand the importance of family. Unfortunately, some people are not as fortunate.
Before you judge a single mom (or dad) and say the aforementioned phrase, I want you to take a few moments to stop and think. Single parents (and working parents in general) aren't working long hours and/or multiple jobs because they want to escape their children; they're doing it to financially support their children. Belittling them for not being able to make it to every school activity is wrong on so many levels. Making it to the Halloween class party has nothing to do with whether or not they love their child. What you don't know is that they can't make it to the class party because they made sure to schedule to take time to take them trick or treating. What you don't know is that they can't make it to the holiday party because they took off special time to make it to a special family Hanukkah celebration. You see, as you judge them for how much they care about their kid, you don't realize that they have to prioritize to make sure that their child gets those special events. Not all jobs are flexible, folks. Working parents have to prioritize, sometimes, to balance and they don't need your shaming. They just don't.
Look, despite what you might think, your children are not going to grow up and think, "You know, I thought my mom loved me but she missed my third grade Halloween party so I must be wrong." Your children don't define your love based on whether or not you make it to every single school event (especially those during the day). Yes, it is more important to give your children time than stuff but that doesn't mean that if you miss something that is (brace yourselves room moms because it sounds harsh but I promise I don't mean it in a cruel way) somewhat trivial, it's not the end of the world. They will be no worse for the wear.
So if you're a working mom and you hear this, what can you do? My advice is to say, "I hate that I can't be there but I'm so thankful that there are moms that ARE able to make it to make the day special. Thank you." Not only are you being the bigger person AND thanking them for their volunteerism but you are also letting them know that the topic is no longer up for discussion. They see that you are not bothered that you can't be there for the apple bobbing and cupcake decorating because you'll do your own activities outside of the school building.
If you're the mom that is saying this phrase, there is still time to change. Stop and think. Are you being productive with your words? Are you encouraging others? Don't hide behind a "well I just tell it like it is" attitude. If you are guilting other parents like this, you're not "telling it like it is," you're being an asshole. Just know that we, as working parents, appreciate you (even if you don't hear it enough...and often, you probably don't) and that we are just doing our best just like you. Thank you for being there to make these events special.
We can all be part of the same team and do different things but we need to be helpful to each other and encourage each other in this crazy roller coaster of life. Be the change you want to see.
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