Kids and Responsibility

I had a little talk with my crazies yesterday about the new year and responsibility.  Parents seem to go one way or the other on this issue with very few residing in the gray area.  Either parents believe that kids need NO responsibility and that they should be allowed to "just be kids" or that they should have the bulk of the household responsibility and expect to act like adults.  Let me tell you: developmentally, even high schooler's minds are NOT that of adults.  That's why they shouldn't be allowed to make long term decisions at that age.  They are still developing a lot of the skills necessary to be healthy, responsible adults. 

I live in the gray area.  I do believe that there are certain responsibilities that you should give to your child to help them learn life skills.  Of course, these skills should be age appropriate.  You can't expect a four year old do correctly separate and wash laundry in the correct temperature.  However, even four year olds should be starting to learn life skills to guide them as they go.  Children can certainly be expected to clean their own bedrooms and put away their own clothes.  They definitely can make a bed correctly by second grade, if guided through the process to learn it.  Of course they can do things like dust or run a vacuum or maybe even load the dishwasher.  By junior high, they should be able to complete most any of the household chores if asked.

I believe that there are certain chores that should be done without pay.  These are the chores that are just  part of being a family.  I call these "team building" chores.  Just as I work, the kids go to school.  Just as I cook a meal, they can perform small tasks to help out around the house.  Since there are four kids and the house is not that big, it's not that difficult to have a productive household doing small tasks each day.

I believe that there are certain tasks that are above and beyond and these tasks can be paid tasks.  I don't believe in giving children $20 to shovel the driveway.  I think reasonable amounts should be expected.  The reason for this?  I fully expect my children to get a job when they are 16.  If they are used to getting paid $20/hour for minimal work, they will think that they are too good for a minimum wage job flipping burgers.  I believe that these minimum wage jobs can be true character builders for children and teach them the value of a dollar without overwhelming them.  It can teach them to save.

I also believe that kids can be responsible for their own homework after a certain point.  I don't believe that gender should play a role in whether or not they can complete the task.  With that being said, I do believe that you have to cater your method to TEACHING them to be responsible differently to each child.  I believe that checking in with them on a regular basis is important and helps to guide them in their path to responsibility.

Finally, I believe that kids need to learn to be responsible for their behavior.  There are jerky little kids all over anymore and they aren't taught manners or respect.  Kids need to learn to be responsible for their behavior and learn that just because someone is being mean doesn't mean THEY have to be mean too.  Just because someone is teasing doesn't mean THEY have to tease.  Just because someone is hurting others doesn't mean THEY have to hurt others.  Empathy and sympathy are two of the biggest keys to teaching kids about this, in my opinion.  Teach them to understand the effect that their actions have on others and their behavior will begin to change.