My first grader was taught, this year, about wants and needs in her class. We discussed how food and shelter were needs but that toys and other things were wants. It's hard to get into the specifics of some things she asked. Being the ever-inquisitive little one, she asked me about sunscreen. We discussed that, in reality, it's not a NEED because it is not essential to life. However, it is a prioritized want because it's helpful to keep you from getting sunburned in the summer. We had to make up our own term because she needed a real explanation on items like this. (And trust me, living in Denver, she FULLY understands why sunscreen is important).
The whole thing got me focused on wants and needs in adult life. I have really been watching and listening to those around me right now and how they respond to wants and needs. I say all the time that people have very different definitions of words like "broke" and "busy." When I say that I'm "broke", I mean that I literally do NOT have money to go out for a drink or dinner; I am spending all of my money on bills and necessities. However, when some people say that they are broke, they mean that they just can't go on a vacation for the weekend. It's not that one is necessarily right or wrong; it's just a matter of perspective. I find that the same is true of people using the terms "want" and "need."
At least 25 times a day, I hear people say, "I need a new TV". Well there are two realities here: you don't NEED a TV (you WANT a TV for entertainment) and if your TV is still functioning, it's not even a priority want. I hear that people "need" all day long and the reality is that what they're claiming to need is scarcely ever even a priority want. It's hard for people that have never really struggled to know what true struggle is. Even people that have struggled or are currently struggling financially often still have a very different definition of "need." I'm just as guilty as the next person...I say all the time that I need a new mattress. The reality of it is that I don't NEED it...mine still functions. I desire it because I have severe back pain every day because of the mattress being an old, used, half broken mattress.
I find that all of this comes down to prioritizing. Obviously needs come first but the next item on the list is taking care of preparing for the future to make sure that you have something set back. Then the prioritized wants....things that can't really wait. Finally, we can come down to the wants.
The next item of discussion that this comes down to is selfishness. I say this not as a lecture but as sound advice from something I've learned over the years....I find that as a mom, I have lost the ability to make nearly anything a priority want for myself. However, I find that alot of people in relationships (be it parenting, lovers, friends, or anything else) are so set on what THEY want that they forget to ask if it's what others want as well. Sometimes we can want something so badly that we forget that it's not what's best for everyone involved. Dreaming about new things or better things is not terrible; it's a great way to focus and set goals. However, it tends to skew our reality of what's necessary and what's not.
I think I've been all over the map with this post so here's what it comes down to: Spend more time focusing on what you need and what you will need in the future. Decide what the priority wants are and set small goals to work towards those. It's part of the journey I walk right now.
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