Take It With a Grain of Salt

After hearing a TON of advice lately on pretty much every topic under the sun, I come back (once again) to a piece of advice I give to all newlyweds and new parents that ask for tips: Listening to advice is fine but take it with a grain of salt.  To quote Wikipedia's explanation of where the phrase came from "The phrase comes from Pliny the Elder's 'Naturalis Historia' regarding the discovery of a recipe for an antidote to a poison.  In the antidote, one of the ingredients was a grain of salt. Threats involving the poison  were thus to be 'taken with a grain of salt', and therefore less serious."  In my experience, advice can be its own poison.  It can have seriously ill effects including making a child (particularly a teen) doubt their parents because a friend advises them otherwise, making a husband doubt his wife because a friend advises them otherwise, or even making a sister doubt her sibling because an outsider advises them otherwise.  The story can really be told a number of ways, however, the outcome is the same....the advice given is like a poison that spreads doubt, fear, and a million other unnecessary emotions to the mix.
Particularly to new parents, I always give this advice.  The reason is simple:  People always feel it necessary to advise a new mother on every aspect of her child's upbringing.  Even perfect strangers will tell you what you should and should not be doing with your children.  My children are no longer infants but I still struggle with this same entity.  Under normal circumstances, the advice is well-meaning.  In general, people are trying to prevent you from going through the same struggles.  However, infants (just like everyone else) are all different.  We are all engineered differently and have different wants and needs, different ways of coping and different temperaments.  Therefore, while advice on how to deal with a baby that doesn't want to sleep might sound like you're helping out that new mother, chances are high that you are actually causing her to feel dumb for "not knowing what to do."  The truth is that none of us knows what to do as first time parents, no matter how much experience with children we have, how many brothers and sisters we've had, or how many classes we've taken and books we've read.  We learn as we go and we adapt the strategies that work the best with our own families.
I will take this a step further and say something that I am frequently criticized for: even your doctor doesn't know what's best for you or your children sometimes.  While a doctor is a very well-educated individual, he doesn't know every part of you as well as you do.  He won't know how you tolerate certain things and what side effects will be harder for you than others.  The same is true of someone treating your children.  The expression "Mother knows best" really does ring true in most circumstances.  There is an entire movement of all-organic mamas (and daddies) that are realizing this and choosing not to vaccinate, choosing to co-sleep, and maybe even choosing to baby-wear.  While I did vaccinate, do not co-sleep, and only did baby-wearing some of the time, I can honestly say that I have always attempted to make certain that I fully research treatments including natural remedies and avoid medicating children when it's unnecessary.  I have also stood firm with my doctors that while their advice weighs heavily, ultimately I know what's best for my children and myself.  My doctors agree that as long as I am being a caring parent (as they know I am), they will not push antibiotics or any other major medications on me or my children. 
The advice also stretches to couples and/or married life.  In-laws, friends, and siblings all want to share with you what you should and should not be doing in your relationship.  My advice (though it seems ironic to give it in such a blog post) is to take it with a grain of salt.  Pay attention and store the information for later use if it seems relevant.  However, only you know what's best for you.  People are not going to always agree with your decisions.  In fact, people turn on a dime when it comes to "I told you so".  They don't want you to suffer as they have suffered themselves.  It's human nature, especially to women who tend to have a maternal instinct making them not want their loved ones to experience pain.  Pain is part of life and sometimes the decisions you make will hurt, but don't let someone else's opinion or advice dictate how you should be living your life.
Perhaps this post, in and of itself, goes against what I'm saying since I'm giving advice within it.  However, my advice is more of a "listen to your heart" vibe.  You know what's best for you and someone's shouting, berating, or negative opinions and advice shouldn't affect who you are.  Store the information for a later time and focus on what you need to do.  That's how lessons are learned.