Bullying

Bullying has reached a whole new peak with the current generation.  Gone are the days of "bullying" being defined as being called a "doodyhead."  Bullying has reached a whole new point and I believe, firmly, that it's an epidemic.  Let me preface the rest of this article by saying the following: I am NOT a jump-to-conclusions kind of mom.  I'm not the kind of mom that thinks everyone who says or does anything unkind is a bully.  I definitely DO think that some behavior can just be defined by the adage "kids will be kids."  I think there are certain behaviors that are a rite of passage.  With that being said, there is a pretty thick line between bullying and teasing.

I found out this morning that my seven year old was being bullied at school.  Surprising to me, to say the least, I've always counted Sydney as being the independent, strong-willed child.  While I still believe that, it changed my opinions of bullying.  It can happen to anyone.  It happened that this particular bullying situation occurred because a friend of Sydney's said she didn't want to play with the Queen Bee one day.  In return, Queen Bee not only tells EVERY girl in both second grade classes that they aren't allowed to play with Sydney (except the new girl who ended up getting snubbed too) but also that Sydney isn't allowed to play with THEM.  She told everyone that Sydney was annoying and that she wasn't "part of the club."  Clearly there's more to the story but that's the main complaint.  She literally used her influence (her mom is a VIP in the school, let's just say) to alienate Sydney because she was jealous that someone wanted to play with Sydney instead of her.  Ironically, I've never known this girl to be malicious and I don't know that she is now....bullying is a learned behavior.  She could have picked it up from other girls, siblings, TV, or a million other places.  I don't know that the mom knew she was doing anything of the type and I think that the mother would be appalled if she did know (I've met and spoke to her once or twice and she seemed very nice.)

As soon as I was alerted to the problem, I discussed a course of action with Sydney.  First of all, you need to speak to your teacher about the problem .  Chances are (and I was correct) the teacher doesn't know about it.  There are a lot of kids in the class and this was mainly happening on the playground and outside of the school.  This isn't something that they can keep an eye on all of the time.  Secondly, I will email the teacher and discuss it with her personally.  This is to assure that the teacher knows it is not just whining or tattling.  Thirdly, it will be known that if the issue can't be resolved by the faculty (as was the case with one of my best friends' children), it will be resolved at a higher level and I will not think twice or feel bad.  I am my children best advocate.

I alerted the teacher and waited.  A couple of hours later, I got an apology and the teacher assured me that she (and the other second grade teacher) were meeting with ALL of the girls and discussing a course of action.  There were apology letters written to my daughter and I feel that the issue was handled VERY well and VERY effectively.  I was kept in the loop the entire time and assured that the circumstances will be advanced if this occurs again in any way, shape or form.

I guess that there are a few points that I'd like to make here....

1.  Discuss bullying with your children.  Attempt to give them an understanding of what a bullied child feels like so they don't participate in it.  Tell them that it's not always defined as direct name calling or physical contact.  Often, the bullies simply spread rumors or alienate children.  Bullies' power lies in their ability to rally troops.  If you take that away, they have no power over anyone.

2.  Discuss with your children what to do if THEY'RE bullied.  I was very fortunate that Sydney came to me.  There are a lot of kids that don't feel comfortable or that get brushed off when they're being bullied.  It ends up creating an entirely different and sometimes much more severe set of circumstances.  There are a lot of documented cases of children ending up with severe psychological issues and either striking out (school shootings, etc) or harming themselves (suicide, etc).

3.  Pay attention and watch for the signs.  If you're watching your kids interact with other children, you can see clear signs of bullying coming out.  Sometimes, though, you have to watch for your child acting out the behaviors that others are doing to them as they try to gain power in their lives.

4.  Speak to your children's faculty if this occurs.  Some schools are piss-poor when it comes to actually taking care of it.  I'm very blessed to say that my children attend a school where this is not the case.  The faculty is very caring and very interested in resolving issues.  I didn't push my nose in and try to handle it.  I let the staff handle it within the school.  They've discussed future situations (should they arise) but handled it in a very caring and attentive way.

5.  Remember ALWAYS that you are your child's strongest advocate.  This goes for all situations.  Don't brush him/her off.  Let them know that you support them.  Help them learn to cope on their own but give them the tools to cope if they need help.  Be there for them and advocate for their best interests.

My hope is that this epidemic comes to a screeching halt in the future as our next generations stand together and say, "We will not be a part of this awful way of life."