Autism Awareness Day 4: It's Okay to Say No

While this post, in some senses, applies to all moms, I truly believe it needs to be said....

As parents, we often feel the need to say "yes" to people even when we're exhausted or over-exerted. We know that Grandma wants to see the baby so we keep the baby up longer than we should to see her, resulting in an exhausted, overtired baby which results in an exhausted, overtired mama.  We know that an out-of-town friend is bringing her kids into town to see us so we keep our little man awake through his nap to see her, resulting in an exhausted, overtired son (and mama).  We know that the people around us love our kids and want to share in their lives with us so we often will make concessions, even when we're absolutely at the end of our rope exhausted.

With special needs parents, it can often be worse.

Maybe your daughter has difficulty with noisy crowds but your family wants the whole crew there to go to the county fair.  Maybe your son has difficulty with overwhelming heat but your friends want all of you to go to Florida in June for a group vacation.  Maybe your little man has a hard time with clothes rubbing him the wrong way but Grandma is insisting on a fancy dinner at a restaurant with a dress code.  Often, people don't realize that what seems very easy-breezy and normal for one family can be an ordeal for a special needs family.

Yes, there are some things that can be handled with advanced preparation.  Yes, it is absolutely essential to attempt to give your child new experiences as they progress to allow them to learn to adapt to the things that stress them.  There are many, many arguments for this side and they are all true....to an extent.  Just because you should give your child new experiences doesn't mean that you should force it upon them when they aren't even close to ready.  Just because you could prepare in advance for some situations doesn't mean that it should be expected all of the time.

IT'S OKAY TO SAY "NO"

Let me repeat myself:  It's okay to say "no."  It's okay to put your child's comfort and well-being before someone's feelings.  It's okay to give your child a break when you know they need it.  It's okay to not make everyone happy all of the time.  It's okay put your child first.  If your family or friends are trying to make you feel guilty or ashamed for not feeding into their plans, THEY are the ones that need talked to.  It's not your fault.  It's okay to say "no."

Well-intentioned family and friends can have a hard time realizing how overwhelming some situations may be.  Explaining what is best for you and your family does not make you guilty of some crime.  Keep your chin up and know that parenting is tough and you're doing a great job.