I had a little talk with my crazies yesterday about the new year and responsibility. Parents seem to go one way or the other on this issue with very few residing in the gray area. Either parents believe that kids need NO responsibility and that they should be allowed to "just be kids" or that they should have the bulk of the household responsibility and expect to act like adults. Let me tell you: developmentally, even high schooler's minds are NOT that of adults. That's why they shouldn't be allowed to make long term decisions at that age. They are still developing a lot of the skills necessary to be healthy, responsible adults.
I live in the gray area. I do believe that there are certain responsibilities that you should give to your child to help them learn life skills. Of course, these skills should be age appropriate. You can't expect a four year old do correctly separate and wash laundry in the correct temperature. However, even four year olds should be starting to learn life skills to guide them as they go. Children can certainly be expected to clean their own bedrooms and put away their own clothes. They definitely can make a bed correctly by second grade, if guided through the process to learn it. Of course they can do things like dust or run a vacuum or maybe even load the dishwasher. By junior high, they should be able to complete most any of the household chores if asked.
I believe that there are certain chores that should be done without pay. These are the chores that are just part of being a family. I call these "team building" chores. Just as I work, the kids go to school. Just as I cook a meal, they can perform small tasks to help out around the house. Since there are four kids and the house is not that big, it's not that difficult to have a productive household doing small tasks each day.
I believe that there are certain tasks that are above and beyond and these tasks can be paid tasks. I don't believe in giving children $20 to shovel the driveway. I think reasonable amounts should be expected. The reason for this? I fully expect my children to get a job when they are 16. If they are used to getting paid $20/hour for minimal work, they will think that they are too good for a minimum wage job flipping burgers. I believe that these minimum wage jobs can be true character builders for children and teach them the value of a dollar without overwhelming them. It can teach them to save.
I also believe that kids can be responsible for their own homework after a certain point. I don't believe that gender should play a role in whether or not they can complete the task. With that being said, I do believe that you have to cater your method to TEACHING them to be responsible differently to each child. I believe that checking in with them on a regular basis is important and helps to guide them in their path to responsibility.
Finally, I believe that kids need to learn to be responsible for their behavior. There are jerky little kids all over anymore and they aren't taught manners or respect. Kids need to learn to be responsible for their behavior and learn that just because someone is being mean doesn't mean THEY have to be mean too. Just because someone is teasing doesn't mean THEY have to tease. Just because someone is hurting others doesn't mean THEY have to hurt others. Empathy and sympathy are two of the biggest keys to teaching kids about this, in my opinion. Teach them to understand the effect that their actions have on others and their behavior will begin to change.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Thursday, January 1, 2015
New Year's Day
I don't make resolutions but I strive to work on myself constantly throughout the year. I don't need a specific date to make an effort to better myself. With all of that being said, I will focus on certain things this year....
I will focus on creating small moments. I will focus on finding little moments that I can make very special even if I'm not spending a dime to do it. Maybe I'm reading with the kids or watching TV or having a conversation while we eat.
I will focus on finding solutions to being exhausted instead of accepting it I will focus on trying to find different ways to resolve my exhaustion or push through it when possible instead of just saying, "I'm tired" and letting that be that.
I will focus my attention on people who make me a priority just as much as I make them one. I will make it a priority to focus my attention on the people who make ME a priority, not on the people who treat me like trash.
I will watch more hockey I miss it. Cable being gone is cost effective but it's also taking away what I love I might have to go back to it.
I will love myself regardless Regardless of what anyone else says or does, I will love myself. Period.
I will believe in myself I always sort of accept that where I am is where I have to be. I will strive to achieve my dreams.
To my friends and family, may your new year create miracles and blessings and abundance in every area of your life.
I will focus on creating small moments. I will focus on finding little moments that I can make very special even if I'm not spending a dime to do it. Maybe I'm reading with the kids or watching TV or having a conversation while we eat.
I will focus on finding solutions to being exhausted instead of accepting it I will focus on trying to find different ways to resolve my exhaustion or push through it when possible instead of just saying, "I'm tired" and letting that be that.
I will focus my attention on people who make me a priority just as much as I make them one. I will make it a priority to focus my attention on the people who make ME a priority, not on the people who treat me like trash.
I will watch more hockey I miss it. Cable being gone is cost effective but it's also taking away what I love I might have to go back to it.
I will love myself regardless Regardless of what anyone else says or does, I will love myself. Period.
I will believe in myself I always sort of accept that where I am is where I have to be. I will strive to achieve my dreams.
To my friends and family, may your new year create miracles and blessings and abundance in every area of your life.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Break Up 101
For anyone confused on the topic, I'd like to educate a little bit on the etiquette of most break ups (at least for serious relationships and/or marriages). Of course, these are strictly experience and observation based opinions.
The ones who trash talk the most are the ones that are normally at fault. Of course, it takes two to tango but the fact is that there is usually one party who is "at fault" in a larger part of the break up. The one that feels the need to trash talk the other the most. If they were innocent, they wouldn't feel the need to defend themselves.
There is always at least one monstrous liar. There's always one (aka the one at fault) that will lie about every aspect of the break up. They make the other person out to be a monstrous liar and tell all sorts of stories about what the other person is doing. It's usually reflective of what THEY'VE done. For instance, an abuser will accuse the other party of abuse. An instigator will accuse the other person of instigating.
There is often a free loader. There's often that one person that feels the need to either take someone to court for alimony (which is, more often than not, a load of crap since there's not a reason most of these spouses can't survive on their own just fine) or live in the house/apartment as long as they can to avoid having to pay their mortgage. They spend spend spend while the other person works hard to do everything they can to keep their heads above water.
There is almost always a person that doesn't care about their crap...they just want out. Let's face it...a lot of the time, this is the guy in the relationship but it's not always. There's often someone that just wants out of the relationship and wants to be done.
There is almost always a person that wants things that AREN'T theirs. They are the people that think that they EARNED what the other person worked for and that they EARNED the right to take things that don't belong to them.
and finally....
The jerk in the relationship never realizes what they had until it's gone. If you're the jerk, you may have lived this already or you may be living this right now. Keep watch! You're gonna crash hard later on.
The reality of life is that break ups happen and if you're the bigger person, I give you insane amounts of positive energy. There is no relationship worth your health or well-being and there is no amount of "stuff" that is worth your health or well-being either. Know that good things will come back to you for your efforts. For the jerk, know that everyone always gets their godsmack....always. May the force be with you when it happens.
The ones who trash talk the most are the ones that are normally at fault. Of course, it takes two to tango but the fact is that there is usually one party who is "at fault" in a larger part of the break up. The one that feels the need to trash talk the other the most. If they were innocent, they wouldn't feel the need to defend themselves.
There is always at least one monstrous liar. There's always one (aka the one at fault) that will lie about every aspect of the break up. They make the other person out to be a monstrous liar and tell all sorts of stories about what the other person is doing. It's usually reflective of what THEY'VE done. For instance, an abuser will accuse the other party of abuse. An instigator will accuse the other person of instigating.
There is often a free loader. There's often that one person that feels the need to either take someone to court for alimony (which is, more often than not, a load of crap since there's not a reason most of these spouses can't survive on their own just fine) or live in the house/apartment as long as they can to avoid having to pay their mortgage. They spend spend spend while the other person works hard to do everything they can to keep their heads above water.
There is almost always a person that doesn't care about their crap...they just want out. Let's face it...a lot of the time, this is the guy in the relationship but it's not always. There's often someone that just wants out of the relationship and wants to be done.
There is almost always a person that wants things that AREN'T theirs. They are the people that think that they EARNED what the other person worked for and that they EARNED the right to take things that don't belong to them.
and finally....
The jerk in the relationship never realizes what they had until it's gone. If you're the jerk, you may have lived this already or you may be living this right now. Keep watch! You're gonna crash hard later on.
The reality of life is that break ups happen and if you're the bigger person, I give you insane amounts of positive energy. There is no relationship worth your health or well-being and there is no amount of "stuff" that is worth your health or well-being either. Know that good things will come back to you for your efforts. For the jerk, know that everyone always gets their godsmack....always. May the force be with you when it happens.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Lessons of 2014
As the year comes to a very different end than I expected at its start, I choose to reflect on the positive from the year. The reality is that every single thing that happens, even the bad stuff, has the potential to teach you a lesson. Here are a few lessons I learned this year.....
You can't make a leopard change its spots This is something that a lot of people know right off the bat. I, unfortunately, have an empathetic spot in my body that consumes me. I like to think the best of people and, unfortunately, it blinds me to this truth. You absolutely can't make a leopard change its spots. You should, instead, admire the leopard for what it is but know that its territory might not be a domestic situation.
There are certain things that all kids are going to do because they're kids Of course there are some things kids will try just because they're kids. They'll try lying or maybe stealing small things. They'll try copping attitudes. The reality is that kids are kids and they're going to try things and you just have to roll with the punches and realize that just because they OCCASIONALLY do things that you don't like, they are not bad kids. They're just kids.
Sometimes, when you let go you find the most wonderful surprises of all. Sometimes when you're in the midst of a cruddy situation, you start to think that there is no rainbow. The reality is that sometimes letting go surprises you. In short, you only see the small picture but God sees the big picture and knows exactly how to work things out to be perfect for you.
There is at least a little bit of God in everything. Even in the worst of situations, God's there. He's there when you're mourning. He is there when you're stressed beyond belief. The trick is looking for Him instead of focusing on the bad stuff.
I can do it. As scared as I get sometimes, I can absolutely achieve anything I put my mind to because God has shown me that over the past few years. I'll hit hurdles but I can always overcome them.
and finally.....
Change is inevitable. Most particularly with people, change is inevitable. People change and grow constantly. If they're focusing their life on being better people, they change their habits for the positive. If they're focused inward and only concerned about themselves, they change their habits for the positive. They never truly change who they are at their core but people will either change their habits to improve or to become worse examples.
Despite a somewhat scattered end to the year, I'm looking forward to 2015 and all that it holds. Who knows? This may be the year that changes everything for the positive :)
You can't make a leopard change its spots This is something that a lot of people know right off the bat. I, unfortunately, have an empathetic spot in my body that consumes me. I like to think the best of people and, unfortunately, it blinds me to this truth. You absolutely can't make a leopard change its spots. You should, instead, admire the leopard for what it is but know that its territory might not be a domestic situation.
There are certain things that all kids are going to do because they're kids Of course there are some things kids will try just because they're kids. They'll try lying or maybe stealing small things. They'll try copping attitudes. The reality is that kids are kids and they're going to try things and you just have to roll with the punches and realize that just because they OCCASIONALLY do things that you don't like, they are not bad kids. They're just kids.
Sometimes, when you let go you find the most wonderful surprises of all. Sometimes when you're in the midst of a cruddy situation, you start to think that there is no rainbow. The reality is that sometimes letting go surprises you. In short, you only see the small picture but God sees the big picture and knows exactly how to work things out to be perfect for you.
There is at least a little bit of God in everything. Even in the worst of situations, God's there. He's there when you're mourning. He is there when you're stressed beyond belief. The trick is looking for Him instead of focusing on the bad stuff.
I can do it. As scared as I get sometimes, I can absolutely achieve anything I put my mind to because God has shown me that over the past few years. I'll hit hurdles but I can always overcome them.
and finally.....
Change is inevitable. Most particularly with people, change is inevitable. People change and grow constantly. If they're focusing their life on being better people, they change their habits for the positive. If they're focused inward and only concerned about themselves, they change their habits for the positive. They never truly change who they are at their core but people will either change their habits to improve or to become worse examples.
Despite a somewhat scattered end to the year, I'm looking forward to 2015 and all that it holds. Who knows? This may be the year that changes everything for the positive :)
Friday, November 28, 2014
From October to Now....My Crazies
Anthony running track
Daniel running track
Anthony's annual pictures
Daniel's annual pictures
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