Let me set the story of how this discussion began: I was having a little chat with a good friend of mine (male friend) who has been dating the same girl for about 2-3 years. They are in a committed relationship, live together, and so on. She has a son and he has taken on the parenting role for the son though he has no children of his own. He contacted me in a tizzy, saying that she was "acting all crazy" and "being high maintenance." I asked him to explain. His explanation was that she was asking him to define where their relationship was headed. She wanted to know if he ever intended to get married and wanted to at least go LOOK at rings so he would know what she liked. He confronted her about forcing him into something and she got protective and said that he had known from the start that she wanted to get married someday and that they'd been together for awhile. She simply wanted him to consider getting engaged even if a wedding was 2-3 years off. He essentially freaked out and contacted me....and then went on to tell me that she was high maintenance because A)She wanted to cuddle every night. B)She wanted him to contribute to the household bills and didn't give him enough "play money." C) She wanted him to contribute to the housework instead of leaving his stuff everywhere. D) She texted him more than 5X a day sometimes. Needless to say my definition of high maintenance is much different than his.
With that being said, I'm going to define what I think is high maintenance in a relationship....
1. Expecting for your significant other to be at your beck and call 24/7. What I'm talking about is the women (and men, for that matter) that expect their lover to leave work early to watch them get their nails done...or hang out with a whole group of girls (no other guys allowed) just because she doesn't want to go alone.
2. She demands that he hands over his paycheck...the entire thing. In most relationships, there is a more frugal one and a more impulsive spender. IF he's an impulsive spender, there's nothing wrong with asking for a large portion of his paycheck not only to pay the bills but also to give him more cash when he runs out because he spends all of his "play money." Asking him to contribute to shared household expenses or shared savings is not being high maintenance...it's being an adult.
3. She makes him give up his hobbies for her. Sometimes people do this out of love for each other, not request which is fine. If she MAKES him give up his hobbies (i.e. video games, sports, etc), that's entirely different.
4. She demands a ring or a baby (or something similarly major) after only a few months of dating. THEN she demands a huge ring or top of the line $200,000 wedding. If you have to take out a loan in order to keep her happy, she's high maintenance.
5. She makes you give up your furniture, pet, etc. This should be a red flag. If you have to give up all of your belongings because they don't suit her style, she's high maintenance...run, run now. (The exception to the pet rule is allergy)
6. She makes you change your wardrobe, haircut, etc. There's a reason she fell for you and physical attraction was part of that. Your body is still your own and if she demands or heavily hints at you needing to change your wardrobe, haircut, etc, she's high maintenance....REALLY high maintenance.
I guess my point is that there are alot of different definitions of "high maintenance" but what it comes down to is this: she can't force you to give things up, change, or expect you to be someone you're not.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
Dreams...and Life
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." ~James Dean.
I honestly feel a little bit bad sometimes for how much I dream and visualize. There is a part of me that feels guilty because I don't want to seem ungrateful for every opportunity, every blessing that I have. I am truly thankful and I thank God every single day for my blessings. I am humbled and I try to take the best care of my blessings that I can.
With that being said, I am a dreamer. I love to visualize that next step. I think that's why I love this quote so much. It combines two amazing concepts. It says that it's okay to dream and think about the future, the long term. It's also okay to remember that you live in the moment and that those dreams are a great goal but not necessarily the reality of the moment.
And THAT is my nugget for the moment.
I honestly feel a little bit bad sometimes for how much I dream and visualize. There is a part of me that feels guilty because I don't want to seem ungrateful for every opportunity, every blessing that I have. I am truly thankful and I thank God every single day for my blessings. I am humbled and I try to take the best care of my blessings that I can.
With that being said, I am a dreamer. I love to visualize that next step. I think that's why I love this quote so much. It combines two amazing concepts. It says that it's okay to dream and think about the future, the long term. It's also okay to remember that you live in the moment and that those dreams are a great goal but not necessarily the reality of the moment.
And THAT is my nugget for the moment.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Surprise!
When going in for a visit to the lady doctor, one is rarely up for surprises. I was having issues with a certain birth control device that was placed years ago and had to undergo an exploratory procedure to see if they could remove it. My doctor is an absolute hoot and the entire staff is very laid-back, fun, and easy to talk to, which makes the entire experience slightly less teeth-grinding. An hour at the office and I got a relatively big surprise....at 32 years old, I have to undergo a hysterectomy.
I've been asked every question in the book when telling my loved ones? Have you gotten a second opinion? Can they remove the device without having to take out the entire uterus? Are they taking everything? How are they going in? I've been going through and I am still going through a range of emotions that is large enough to cover the entire spectrum. Is this surgery something I would have expected at 32 years old? No. Is it something I have come to accept? Yes.
So the next few weeks are all about planning. My assistant and I shot the Girls Fairy Event this past weekend and the portraits all got posted and ready for review/order. I have booked up all of my "must-do" shoots before the surgery and arranged my volunteer time at the kids' school. I have lined up as much as humanly possible and made arrangements at work. My professional and volunteer life are about as set as I can make them.
Now it's on to the personal stuff...have the kids been informed? Yes. Does the family know? Yes. Have I handled all the medical stuff I can? Yes. Now how do I get over the fear? How do I get past being so worried that the worst is going to happen? Well, I learn to accept that I'm not in control and that sometimes life isn't about what you face but about how you face it. So I am battling this small hill with both barrels. I'm gonna turn this surprise into a party.
I've been asked every question in the book when telling my loved ones? Have you gotten a second opinion? Can they remove the device without having to take out the entire uterus? Are they taking everything? How are they going in? I've been going through and I am still going through a range of emotions that is large enough to cover the entire spectrum. Is this surgery something I would have expected at 32 years old? No. Is it something I have come to accept? Yes.
So the next few weeks are all about planning. My assistant and I shot the Girls Fairy Event this past weekend and the portraits all got posted and ready for review/order. I have booked up all of my "must-do" shoots before the surgery and arranged my volunteer time at the kids' school. I have lined up as much as humanly possible and made arrangements at work. My professional and volunteer life are about as set as I can make them.
Now it's on to the personal stuff...have the kids been informed? Yes. Does the family know? Yes. Have I handled all the medical stuff I can? Yes. Now how do I get over the fear? How do I get past being so worried that the worst is going to happen? Well, I learn to accept that I'm not in control and that sometimes life isn't about what you face but about how you face it. So I am battling this small hill with both barrels. I'm gonna turn this surprise into a party.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Awesome Opportunities
I had an amazing opportunity presented to me that I got to accept this past weekend. I was asked if I wanted to volunteer as the photographer for Tampa Bay Buccaneers player, Vincent Jackson's cause. The foundation is called "Jackson in Action 83" and focuses on helping the children of military families and encouraging them to study, socialize, and keep a positive attitude. I was honored to be asked and I was thrilled to get to accept the offer. As a part of the weekend, I was given the opportunity to shoot the VIP Party on Friday night that hosted a silent auction as well. Here's a brief synopsis of my weekend......
VIP Party: Amazing! Great food, awesome to just get to BE there, and I got to dress up in a cute little black dress and heels. After the VIP Party, we were able to go out and enjoy some pizza at a nice little pizza joint in Colorado Springs. The foundation got us put up in the Mining Exchange (an amazing hotel in Colorado Springs) and we laid in the cushy bed, enjoyed the double headed shower, and just enjoyed getting to be pampered for a night.
The Event itself was great. It was a long, long day but well worth it. Outback catered our lunch for us and I got the shoot the before, during and after shots at the event. The models were mostly volunteer and they were a hoot to shoot! Some of the smaller ones were an absolute blast. The show was referred to as "Fatigues to Fashion" and it was great. One of the designers there has a line called "Keira's Kollection" that I fell in love with....it has a strong message for young girls (and adults) about being brainy, strong, and independent. Vincent was an absolute sweetheart and I got amazing shots.
I will say this. I wasn't paid for participating in money but I was paid in a completely different way...I got a great opportunity to be a part of something AMAZING and got to meet alot of fantastic people. It meant more to me than any amount of payment would have made. In fact, it will probably go on my list of the coolest things I've ever had the opportunity to do. Sometimes awesome opportunities are not about the things that everyone thinks they should be...it's about something bigger and better than you could have ever imagined. :)
VIP Party: Amazing! Great food, awesome to just get to BE there, and I got to dress up in a cute little black dress and heels. After the VIP Party, we were able to go out and enjoy some pizza at a nice little pizza joint in Colorado Springs. The foundation got us put up in the Mining Exchange (an amazing hotel in Colorado Springs) and we laid in the cushy bed, enjoyed the double headed shower, and just enjoyed getting to be pampered for a night.
The Event itself was great. It was a long, long day but well worth it. Outback catered our lunch for us and I got the shoot the before, during and after shots at the event. The models were mostly volunteer and they were a hoot to shoot! Some of the smaller ones were an absolute blast. The show was referred to as "Fatigues to Fashion" and it was great. One of the designers there has a line called "Keira's Kollection" that I fell in love with....it has a strong message for young girls (and adults) about being brainy, strong, and independent. Vincent was an absolute sweetheart and I got amazing shots.
I will say this. I wasn't paid for participating in money but I was paid in a completely different way...I got a great opportunity to be a part of something AMAZING and got to meet alot of fantastic people. It meant more to me than any amount of payment would have made. In fact, it will probably go on my list of the coolest things I've ever had the opportunity to do. Sometimes awesome opportunities are not about the things that everyone thinks they should be...it's about something bigger and better than you could have ever imagined. :)
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Bad Days
The day starts off with an extremely pushy telemarketer who tells you that they're charging your credit card for a "savings plan" and it's all downhill from there. You get a communication from someone who literally only talks to you when they're telling you how dumb you are. You get in a fight with someone you love. You get stung by a wasp and have to use an epipen. You suffer a death in the family. There are a million and one reasons that someone can have a bad day. The adage that "bad things happen to good people" is definitely true. "Nice guys finish last"...maybe.
I took a week off because I suffered the death of two amazing people that I loved more than life....two people I've known forever. They died at the hands of a drunk driver. They died needlessly and I have nightmares about the last things they must have seen, how scared they were....it's a devastating thought. I cannot imagine what their immediate family is going through and how much worse it is for them.
There are alot of other things that were going on that phased my week but it comes down to this. There has to be a storm before the rainbow. All things, even bad ones, happen for a reason. They hurt and they sting like hell in the aftermath. But cuts heal, hurt fades. You never forget but you learn how to walk with the scars. So here's my fantastic knowledge on the topic of dealing with the bad days:
*It's okay to cry. Cry alot when you need to. It's physically good for your body to release but mentally, it's often the key to freeing your mind.
*It's okay to feel anger as long as you don't let it take you over.
*It's okay to have several feelings going on at one time. You feel what you feel. You can't control your feelings; you can control your actions because of your feelings.
*No one else can tell you how you should react or what you should feel. You feel what you feel. That's what makes you uniquely you.
*Compassion and empathy go hand in hand and hurting for someone else is not a crime.
*Finally, letting go doesn't mean giving up. You could wait a million years for an apology and the only person you're hurting is yourself. You could stay mad at someone for decades and they probably won't even notice. You can hurt every single day for someone or you can appreciate the time you had and cherish the memories.
Now that you have received a great deal of wisdom, you can go about your day.... LOL I'm not THAT full of myself. It's probably something you already know. It doesn't hurt to affirm it. You never know who might need to hear something right when you're saying it. :)
I took a week off because I suffered the death of two amazing people that I loved more than life....two people I've known forever. They died at the hands of a drunk driver. They died needlessly and I have nightmares about the last things they must have seen, how scared they were....it's a devastating thought. I cannot imagine what their immediate family is going through and how much worse it is for them.
There are alot of other things that were going on that phased my week but it comes down to this. There has to be a storm before the rainbow. All things, even bad ones, happen for a reason. They hurt and they sting like hell in the aftermath. But cuts heal, hurt fades. You never forget but you learn how to walk with the scars. So here's my fantastic knowledge on the topic of dealing with the bad days:
*It's okay to cry. Cry alot when you need to. It's physically good for your body to release but mentally, it's often the key to freeing your mind.
*It's okay to feel anger as long as you don't let it take you over.
*It's okay to have several feelings going on at one time. You feel what you feel. You can't control your feelings; you can control your actions because of your feelings.
*No one else can tell you how you should react or what you should feel. You feel what you feel. That's what makes you uniquely you.
*Compassion and empathy go hand in hand and hurting for someone else is not a crime.
*Finally, letting go doesn't mean giving up. You could wait a million years for an apology and the only person you're hurting is yourself. You could stay mad at someone for decades and they probably won't even notice. You can hurt every single day for someone or you can appreciate the time you had and cherish the memories.
Now that you have received a great deal of wisdom, you can go about your day.... LOL I'm not THAT full of myself. It's probably something you already know. It doesn't hurt to affirm it. You never know who might need to hear something right when you're saying it. :)
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Social Media Drama
Social media has its time and place but sometimes people take liberties with it that they wouldn't do in their actual life. One of those liberties seems to be certain people's ability to be judgmental on a friend's Facebook or Twitter page. It usually goes something like this:
Friend A posts about something specific: politics, religion, marriage/divorce, parenting styles, etc . You respond back with an opinion on the topic, stating that it's your opinion only. Person B (not YOUR friend but a friend of Friend A) posts back their opinion AND a stab at you for your opinion. You, then, respond back and try to be a peacemaker while responding simply that the original post was your opinion. Person B posts back and completely attacks you and every part of your opinion without even trying to be nice. You, then, respond with a nice "let's agree to disagree" post which gets an even bigger gripe post from Person B saying that you're just trying to do that because "you know you're wrong." Would Person B take this liberty if you were standing there in person? Clearly most of them wouldn't. They wouldn't want to show themselves to be the grouchy, mean person they're being on a social media site. However, they're doing it because they're avoiding a face to face debate. It borders on ridiculous the amount of drama people are willing to bring to the internet that they would never say in person.
My point is simply this: remember who you are when posting to a social media site. You aren't being real if you wouldn't say those things in person. In addition, there's no reason to judge someone else's life in any way. It may not be YOUR way of living life, but it is theirs and it's not yours to judge. Karma comes back to bite people who judge and puts them into situations that they've judged others on in the past.
Friend A posts about something specific: politics, religion, marriage/divorce, parenting styles, etc . You respond back with an opinion on the topic, stating that it's your opinion only. Person B (not YOUR friend but a friend of Friend A) posts back their opinion AND a stab at you for your opinion. You, then, respond back and try to be a peacemaker while responding simply that the original post was your opinion. Person B posts back and completely attacks you and every part of your opinion without even trying to be nice. You, then, respond with a nice "let's agree to disagree" post which gets an even bigger gripe post from Person B saying that you're just trying to do that because "you know you're wrong." Would Person B take this liberty if you were standing there in person? Clearly most of them wouldn't. They wouldn't want to show themselves to be the grouchy, mean person they're being on a social media site. However, they're doing it because they're avoiding a face to face debate. It borders on ridiculous the amount of drama people are willing to bring to the internet that they would never say in person.
My point is simply this: remember who you are when posting to a social media site. You aren't being real if you wouldn't say those things in person. In addition, there's no reason to judge someone else's life in any way. It may not be YOUR way of living life, but it is theirs and it's not yours to judge. Karma comes back to bite people who judge and puts them into situations that they've judged others on in the past.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Relaxing and enjoying special moments
I confess that I have been very lacks-a-daisy when it comes to this hockey season. Not only am I working long hours and a lot of weekends at my regular job but I'm also trying to juggle building my photography business (which, by the grace of God has been starting to pick up some) and my most important job...Mom. I'm hard core about watching/reading ESPN and my favorite sports blogs but I'm just not quite as hardcore about having to watch every single game....and sadly, I'm okay with that. It's not that I love sports ANY less...just that I'm finding alot of pleasure in the little moments lately.
Friday, I got the opportunity to shoot one of my favorite clients (and a very good friend) for her 30th birthday AND shoot her son for a holiday shoot. I love the fact that I've been blessed with a talent for photography and I LOVE the fact that I get to hone my skills on a daily basis. Getting to shoot a sleepy non-sitter is always fun and, since I'm obsessed with baby feet, I took the opportunity to get some adorable shots. It was equally as fun to shoot my friend, though. She's a professional and very, very picky about how she appears but while she was self-conscious with SO many shots, everyone who saw them LOVED them and saw what I saw...a beautiful woman in her prime.
Saturday, I got the opportunity to hang out with my kiddos and then shoot a "Flirty Thirty" Party (for the same friend). I was tremendously excited to get the opportunity and found the editing to actually be equally as fun as the party itself. Watching the birthday girl get to dance and have a great time with a kickin DJ and her closest friends was amazing!
Easter was Sunday and we had a great day...We had an Easter egg hunt in the yard with some amazingly beautiful weather. In fact, the weather was so nice that we got water balloons and let the kids goof with the neighbors and have a water balloon fight. We even grilled out and ate outside. It was a great, very relaxing day.
I confess, though, my absolute favorite part of the long weekend was getting to teach my 8 year old to ride a 2 wheeler. He's been so afraid of his bike because of other people trying to force him into it. He also was diagnosed (along with ADHD) with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) as a youngster and has a very difficult time learning big motor skill activities (although once he gets them, he is FANTASTIC at them). Though he's still having a problem with getting started (mostly because the bike seat is just a smidge too high even on the lowest setting) and still working on turning, he has got straight-aways and braking gently down pat. He made INCREDIBLE progress over the course of a day and a half of working on it and while it's very exciting for him and a huge accomplishment, I'm equally as excited, I think. I love watching him overcome obstacles that his diagnosis deems difficult (or impossible). He's worked through issues with textures to where he'll at least try nearly anything and eats a really wide variety, overcame daily overstimulation meltdowns, and a million other things and it's awesome to watch him overcome obstacles.
As I look at this month's calendar and my work schedule in it, I'm going to have to strive pretty hard to make sure that I take those little moments but I'm ready for the challenge. God's given me a tremendous opportunity in my life and I'm gonna grab it every chance I get!
Friday, I got the opportunity to shoot one of my favorite clients (and a very good friend) for her 30th birthday AND shoot her son for a holiday shoot. I love the fact that I've been blessed with a talent for photography and I LOVE the fact that I get to hone my skills on a daily basis. Getting to shoot a sleepy non-sitter is always fun and, since I'm obsessed with baby feet, I took the opportunity to get some adorable shots. It was equally as fun to shoot my friend, though. She's a professional and very, very picky about how she appears but while she was self-conscious with SO many shots, everyone who saw them LOVED them and saw what I saw...a beautiful woman in her prime.
Saturday, I got the opportunity to hang out with my kiddos and then shoot a "Flirty Thirty" Party (for the same friend). I was tremendously excited to get the opportunity and found the editing to actually be equally as fun as the party itself. Watching the birthday girl get to dance and have a great time with a kickin DJ and her closest friends was amazing!
Easter was Sunday and we had a great day...We had an Easter egg hunt in the yard with some amazingly beautiful weather. In fact, the weather was so nice that we got water balloons and let the kids goof with the neighbors and have a water balloon fight. We even grilled out and ate outside. It was a great, very relaxing day.
I confess, though, my absolute favorite part of the long weekend was getting to teach my 8 year old to ride a 2 wheeler. He's been so afraid of his bike because of other people trying to force him into it. He also was diagnosed (along with ADHD) with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) as a youngster and has a very difficult time learning big motor skill activities (although once he gets them, he is FANTASTIC at them). Though he's still having a problem with getting started (mostly because the bike seat is just a smidge too high even on the lowest setting) and still working on turning, he has got straight-aways and braking gently down pat. He made INCREDIBLE progress over the course of a day and a half of working on it and while it's very exciting for him and a huge accomplishment, I'm equally as excited, I think. I love watching him overcome obstacles that his diagnosis deems difficult (or impossible). He's worked through issues with textures to where he'll at least try nearly anything and eats a really wide variety, overcame daily overstimulation meltdowns, and a million other things and it's awesome to watch him overcome obstacles.
As I look at this month's calendar and my work schedule in it, I'm going to have to strive pretty hard to make sure that I take those little moments but I'm ready for the challenge. God's given me a tremendous opportunity in my life and I'm gonna grab it every chance I get!
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