Second Chances

Once in awhile, there is an opportunity for a second chance...or a third chance....or even a first chance where you were too afraid to take it before.  Regardless of circumstance or numerical stance, there is an opportunity to make things right.  Maybe it's standing up for someone where you didn't before.  Maybe it's choosing to forgive and forget.  Maybe it's focusing your attention on the things that are important and not on anything or anyone else.  What's important is that there is that chance.  Both sides have to work when this occurs so here is my advice....

If you say that you're forgiving, TRULY forgive Don't patronize someone by saying that you'll forgive them and then turn around and throw things in their face.  Forgiveness is about letting go of the hurt that you're feeling and releasing it into the universe.  God sees your efforts and He will reward that in the future.  Forgiveness is not just a word, it is a choice...an active decision you must make.

If you're asking for forgiveness, be prepared to make the necessary changes.  Don't assume that you can just slide back into the same place and continue your behavior.  You need to look at what you're doing wrong and focus on how to change it.  You need to focus on how you're going to improve the situation.  It's not the other person's responsibility.  It's yours. 

Don't ask what you can do to improve things if you aren't willing to hear the answer People in these situations are usually stressed and the more time they have to stew things over, the more clear their answer will be.  If you don't honestly want to know what you can do to fix the situation, DON'T ask.  You will just aggravate things.  It's better to not know if someone will change or not than to have them ask and say, "Nah, I'm not interested."

Remember that PEOPLE don't change, HABITS do You can't change who you are and no one can change who they are at their core.  What you CAN change is your habits.  You can make a conscious choice to not do certain things.  It's not going to be easy...that's why they're called HABITS.  The fact is that if someone or something is worth it, you'll make it happen.

Make every day about the positive Instead of focusing on what you have to change or what you expect someone to change, focus on the positive.  Start each day with the mantra that you'll do whatever it takes.  Focus your time and energy on that mantra, repeating it as often as necessary to help you through the day.  Soon, it will become a part of you and you'll no longer need to focus your attention on reminding yourself.

and finally.....

Practice empathy On EITHER side of this situation, this is important.  If someone is trying to change a habit to accommodate you, it is your responsibility to practice patience and encouragement.  If you are trying to change a habit, it is your responsibility to understand that the other person will always have it in the back of their mind that you MIGHT fail but that THEY are trying to be there for you.

People CAN change their habits and there is always room for another chance but it is hard work and for some, it's not worth the time or effort.  Make the choice and go for it...whatever it is.