Quite frankly, I feel like most celebrity gossip and headlines are malarkey. I think that they aren't worth the read and that there are far more important issues we should be worrying about than someone's plastic surgery or which celebrity is dating who. With that being said, I was disgusted enough recently by a headline to really get riled up because it speaks to me personally. This headline? Josh Duggar's wife partially blames herself for his actions on the Ashley Madison website. Despicable.
First of all, I will say this: I have always said and continue to say that I admire the Duggars for some things. One of these is that they are involved parents that attempt to raise their children with some values. Look, I'm NOT saying that I agree with all of their values but with so many parents stuck to their smartphones while their kids sit in front of the TV instead of getting out and experiencing the world, I'm glad to see a family that gets out there and does something with their kids. Parents that care enough to home school, take their kids on road trips and so on. Are there many things I don't agree with that they do? Absolutely. There are a lot of parents that do things outside of the media that I don't agree with too. Do I agree that they mishandled their son's actions in molesting his sisters? Absolutely. I just want to be up front about the fact that I think that a family with truly involved parents that live debt-free is something to be looked at. This does NOT mean I support everything they do. Just trying to state the positive before I launch into a rant.
I also want to dispute a statement I keep hearing: "Well he said he was a Christian, yet...." Yeah, you know what? A lot of people love to tout their Christian values and use them as an excuse to be jackasses. This is true of MANY religions though. I don't blame all Muslims for the extremists. I don't blame all agnostics for extremists in their community. I don't blame all Christians for extremists either. The definition of Christian is one that believes that Jesus is the savior and was crucified, buried and rose again. There are many branches and, from what I've read, their family and a group of others created their own branch of the Baptist faith because Southern Baptist wasn't conservative enough for them. That's fine....it truly is. It doesn't make all people of their faith bad nor does it make all Christians bad. Freedom of religion is a wonderful thing....but it doesn't mean you get to break the laws or either our country or act without consequence.
The other thing I would like to point out before I go into my opinions on his actions and her reaction is that it's none of our business. Well that's absolutely true, to some extent. I have always believed and will continue to believe, though, that if you choose the celebrity life, you choose the consequences. You choose people knowing your business and you choose that they will have the right to an opinion....not to judge but to feel a certain way about it. Their family chose to put themselves in the public eye as an exclamation of great faith. Josh continued to put himself in the public eye by choosing an executive position with an organization that fought gay marriage. He chose the life and he chooses that people know all about his business.
With all of that said, here is my take on the situation.....
Anna had four children in approximately (and I'm approximating here) 5 years. Having done this myself, I can honestly say that it's exhausting. Pregnancy is exhausting. Having a newborn is exhausting, particularly when you're breast feeding and more particularly when you already have other children to care for while you're caring for a newborn. Having multiple children is exhausting. I feel for her on a personal level because I've lived that. Her newest baby is only a month or so old and she's still dealing with her body recuperating from the birth. I've read in multiple articles that their personal belief (within the Duggar's religious sect, so to speak) is that a woman is to be at her husband's beck and call at all times except 40 days after the birth of a boy and 80 days after the birth of a girl. All I can think is how exhausted she must be and how demanding that must be for her. What high expectations are placed on the women in these circumstances.
Though everyone keeps bringing in Josh's molestation controversy here as if Anna just found out, even Anna says that she knew about that before she got married. The controversy, of course, just bubbled up recently but she knew long before. This Ashley Madison business is new to her. There are some speculating that his admission of cheating is only dealing with the fact that he is addicted to pornography. I don't believe this. The wealth of free pornography on the internet is extensive. If he was truly just trying to look at pornography, he wouldn't have signed up and paid a small fortune to try to have an affair. I can't speak to whether or not he went through with it at this point but in my own belief, I think he did. Why else would you have an ongoing account for that long using two different addresses? Really.
All I will say about Josh Duggar is that I find the guy to be a real asshat. While I appreciate the fact that he KIND OF owned up to his behavior and while I appreciate the fact that he seemed apologetic, and while I can appreciate that he deleted the account, he's an asshat. If he truly felt bad for what he had done, he wouldn't have waited until this came out to apologize, he would have stopped and apologized before the hackers exposed all of the cheaters. If he was truly apologetic, he would never let his wife feel like this was her fault....ever. He wouldn't be phrasing this like it was someone else that made him do it. He would accept FULL responsibility for his actions instead of standing behind a veil of religion. If he was really concerned with deleting that account, he wouldn't have done it cloak and dagger after the molestation stuff came to light. His religion is not some sort of shield for what he did....he chose his actions. Where he put his genitalia and his choices leading up to that were HIS choice and no one else's. Period.
What I'm more concerned about is Anna. Stay at home mom of four kids 5 and under....it's a truly thankless job sometimes and having to meet the demands of their religion on top of that, I can't imagine. The fact that she feels like she should have counseled him better or that she should have been there more is ludicrous. I hate that she's feeling that way and I truly hope she receives some REAL counseling (and I'm not talking about the kind Josh got for molesting his sisters) to let her know that his actions are NOT her fault. This poor girl is stuck between a rock and a hard spot. If she allows the anger I can only hope she feels to bubble up, she's going against her religion, which is the biggest part of who she is at this point. If she forgives him, she's essentially letting him know that it's okay to continue to do dumb stuff and she'll enable him because it's "her job." Her broken spirit can't help the fact that she's giving him more and more power over her happiness and her life by not telling him that he is responsible for his actions...not the devil, not the media, not his religion....HE is responsible. I hope, for her sake, that she allows herself to get angry and get it out because the build up of these emotions will only result in bad things for her on a personal level. My prayers are not for Josh to be "cured" of his "demons"..... my prayers are for Anna and her babies.
My closing statement is pretty simple. To partners that choose to cheat in any way, shape or form from online affair to replacing their sex life with pornography to an actual physical affair, you are a coward. If you're unhappy with the state of your marriage, talk to your partner. If that doesn't work, seek counseling. If all else fails and it's a deal breaking situation, leave. The pain and havoc you wreak on a family when you cheat is a thousand times worse than what a divorce would cause. To the partners who are the victims of the cheater, it is NOT your fault. You may blame yourself for contributing to an unhappy relationship (as it takes two) but you are NOT responsible for the actions that your partner chose. If you are a victim of a cheater, allow yourself those feelings....anger, sadness, frustration. Allow yourself to feel it. Maybe even seek counseling to get through it. Allow yourself to fully process and then decide how you want to react but remember that it is NOT your fault.
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