Bad Days

The day starts off with an extremely pushy telemarketer who tells you that they're charging your credit card for a "savings plan" and it's all downhill from there.  You get a communication from someone who literally only talks to you when they're telling you how dumb you are.  You get in a fight with someone you love.  You get stung by a wasp and have to use an epipen.  You suffer a death in the family.  There are a million and one reasons that someone can have a bad day.  The adage that "bad things happen to good people" is definitely true.  "Nice guys finish last"...maybe. 
I took a week off because I suffered the death of two amazing people that I loved more than life....two people I've known forever.  They died at the hands of a drunk driver.  They died needlessly and I have nightmares about the last things they must have seen, how scared they were....it's a devastating thought.  I cannot imagine what their immediate family is going through and how much worse it is for them.
There are alot of other things that were going on that phased my week but it comes down to this.  There has to be a storm before the rainbow.  All things, even bad ones, happen for a reason.  They hurt and they sting like hell in the aftermath.  But cuts heal, hurt fades.  You never forget but you learn how to walk with the scars.  So here's my fantastic knowledge on the topic of dealing with the bad days:
*It's okay to cry.  Cry alot when you need to.  It's physically good for your body to release but mentally, it's often the key to freeing your mind.
*It's okay to feel anger as long as you don't let it take you over.
*It's okay to have several feelings going on at one time.  You feel what you feel.  You can't control your feelings; you can control your actions because of your feelings.
*No one else can tell you how you should react or what you should feel.  You feel what you feel.  That's what makes you uniquely you.
*Compassion and empathy go hand in hand and hurting for someone else is not a crime.
*Finally, letting go doesn't mean giving up.  You could wait a million years for an apology and the only person you're hurting is yourself.  You could stay mad at someone for decades and they probably won't even notice.  You can hurt every single day for someone or you can appreciate the time you had and cherish the memories.
Now that you have received a great deal of wisdom, you can go about your day.... LOL I'm not THAT full of myself.  It's probably something you already know.  It doesn't hurt to affirm it.  You never know who might need to hear something right when you're saying it. :)

Social Media Drama

Social media has its time and place but sometimes people take liberties with it that they wouldn't do in their actual life.  One of those liberties seems to be certain people's ability to be judgmental on a friend's Facebook or Twitter page.  It usually goes something like this:
Friend A posts about something specific: politics, religion, marriage/divorce, parenting styles, etc .  You respond back with an opinion on the topic, stating that it's your opinion only.  Person B (not YOUR friend but a friend of Friend A) posts back their opinion AND a stab at you for your opinion.  You, then, respond back and try to be a peacemaker while responding simply that the original post was your opinion.  Person B posts back and completely attacks you and every part of your opinion without even trying to be nice.  You, then, respond with a nice "let's agree to disagree" post which gets an even bigger gripe post from Person B saying that you're just trying to do that because "you know you're wrong."  Would Person B take this liberty if you were standing there in person?  Clearly most of them wouldn't.  They wouldn't want to show themselves to be the grouchy, mean person they're being on a social media site.  However, they're doing it because they're avoiding a face to face debate.  It borders on ridiculous the amount of drama people are willing to bring to the internet that they would never say in person.
My point is simply this: remember who you are when posting to a social media site.  You aren't being real if you wouldn't say those things in person.  In addition, there's no reason to judge someone else's life in any way.  It may not be YOUR way of living life, but it is theirs and it's not yours to judge.  Karma comes back to bite people who judge and puts them into situations that they've judged others on in the past.

Relaxing and enjoying special moments

I confess that I have been very lacks-a-daisy when it comes to this hockey season.  Not only am I working long hours and a lot of weekends at my regular job but I'm also trying to juggle building my photography business (which, by the grace of God has been starting to pick up some) and my most important job...Mom.  I'm hard core about watching/reading ESPN and my favorite sports blogs but I'm just not quite as hardcore about having to watch every single game....and sadly, I'm okay with that.  It's not that I love sports ANY less...just that I'm finding alot of pleasure in the little moments lately.
Friday, I got the opportunity to shoot one of my favorite clients (and a very good friend) for her 30th birthday AND shoot her son for a holiday shoot.  I love the fact that I've been blessed with a talent for photography and I LOVE the fact that I get to hone my skills on a daily basis.  Getting to shoot a sleepy non-sitter is always fun and, since I'm obsessed with baby feet, I took the opportunity to get some adorable shots.  It was equally as fun to shoot my friend, though.  She's a professional and very, very picky about how she appears but while she was self-conscious with SO many shots, everyone who saw them LOVED them and saw what I saw...a beautiful woman in her prime.
Saturday, I got the opportunity to hang out with my kiddos and then shoot a "Flirty Thirty" Party (for the same friend).  I was tremendously excited to get the opportunity and found the editing to actually be equally as fun as the party itself.  Watching the birthday girl get to dance and have a great time with a kickin DJ and her closest friends was amazing!
Easter was Sunday and we had a great day...We had an Easter egg hunt in the yard with some amazingly beautiful weather.  In fact, the weather was so nice that we got water balloons and let the kids goof with the neighbors and have a water balloon fight.  We even grilled out and ate outside.  It was a great, very relaxing day.
I confess, though, my absolute favorite part of the long weekend was getting to teach my 8 year old to ride a 2 wheeler.  He's been so afraid of his bike because of other people trying to force him into it.  He also was diagnosed (along with ADHD) with SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder) as a youngster and has a very difficult time learning big motor skill activities (although once he gets them, he is FANTASTIC at them).  Though he's still having a problem with getting started (mostly because the bike seat is just a smidge too high even on the lowest setting) and still working on turning, he has got straight-aways and braking gently down pat.  He made INCREDIBLE progress over the course of a day and a half of working on it and while it's very exciting for him and a huge accomplishment, I'm equally as excited, I think.  I love watching him overcome obstacles that his diagnosis deems difficult (or impossible).  He's worked through issues with textures to where he'll at least try nearly anything and eats a really wide variety, overcame daily overstimulation meltdowns, and a million other things and it's awesome to watch him overcome obstacles.
As I look at this month's calendar and my work schedule in it, I'm going to have to strive pretty hard to make sure that I take those little moments but I'm ready for the challenge.  God's given me a tremendous opportunity in my life and I'm gonna grab it every chance I get!

Never

A word I hate saying when it comes to things that I will or won't do is "never."  The biggest reason?  Saying "never" generally results in you being faced with a life choice that makes you face and do what you "never" thought you'd do.  I tend to think it's God's funny sense of humor at work but everyone has their own opinion.  If there is one piece of advice I will offer to new parents or newlyweds, it's always "Don't ever say 'never.'"  I try not to, but I trip up occasionally.
One of the best examples I can use for this is parenting.  Before I had children, I insisted that I'd NEVER "allow" my children to throw tantrums.  I insisted that my children would NEVER speak to me in a disrespectful tone.  I swore I'd NEVER get divorced.  I swore I'd NEVER make my kids switch schools once they started elementary school.  I'd NEVER, I'd NEVER, I'd NEVER.....  Well, guess what?  My kids did throw tantrums (even if they were fewer and farther between than alot of my friends and family had to deal with).  My kids DO speak to me in a disrespectful tone sometimes (again, not as often as other kids I've seen).  I got divorced AND I've moved and made my kids switch schools....All of those things I swore I'd never do, I've done.  Some of them were more of a choice than others but I've done them all.  I've learned lessons from each of them and I've definitely learned tolerance and acceptance that you should walk in someone's shoes before judging them.
Recently, I was faced with something that I swore I'd NEVER deal with.  Without getting into details, I can honestly just say that it's a big issue that alot of people pass judgement on, me included.  It's something I always swore I'd never be tolerant of...and then I was faced with it.  Ironically, to me, God has laid on my heart a heavy heart of forgiveness even before I was officially faced with knowing all the facts.  Forgiveness doesn't mean that I've just forgotten about it or that I'm turning a blind eye toward it.  In fact, it means quite the opposite.  It means that I know everything about it and I'm choosing to allow God to handle it.  It means that I've made firm decisions on dealing with this problem again but that I also understand that things happen and that sometimes life throws you curve balls.  What am I hoping to accomplish through this?  I'm hoping that I'm leading by example to all of those around me and that they see that forgiveness (even on big issues) can be achieved.  I'm hoping that this will prove to God that I have both of my feet on the ground and that I listen when He speaks, even if it's something difficult.  I'm hoping that I prove to myself that I'm stronger than I think I am sometimes.  I'm hoping that it teaches my children that even though my top priority is them (protecting them, nurturing them, etc), there are some life experiences that happen and that just plain suck; yet, they'll still make it through them and learn from them.  My hope, my prayer is that I never again face this type of situation and that none of my friends and family do either.  My hope and prayer is that I'm right to exercise forgiveness here and that it becomes a reward in the long run, instead of a curse.  My heart is open and I'm eager to see what life has in store for me in the future.  Hopefully it's some good karma :)

Take It With a Grain of Salt

After hearing a TON of advice lately on pretty much every topic under the sun, I come back (once again) to a piece of advice I give to all newlyweds and new parents that ask for tips: Listening to advice is fine but take it with a grain of salt.  To quote Wikipedia's explanation of where the phrase came from "The phrase comes from Pliny the Elder's 'Naturalis Historia' regarding the discovery of a recipe for an antidote to a poison.  In the antidote, one of the ingredients was a grain of salt. Threats involving the poison  were thus to be 'taken with a grain of salt', and therefore less serious."  In my experience, advice can be its own poison.  It can have seriously ill effects including making a child (particularly a teen) doubt their parents because a friend advises them otherwise, making a husband doubt his wife because a friend advises them otherwise, or even making a sister doubt her sibling because an outsider advises them otherwise.  The story can really be told a number of ways, however, the outcome is the same....the advice given is like a poison that spreads doubt, fear, and a million other unnecessary emotions to the mix.
Particularly to new parents, I always give this advice.  The reason is simple:  People always feel it necessary to advise a new mother on every aspect of her child's upbringing.  Even perfect strangers will tell you what you should and should not be doing with your children.  My children are no longer infants but I still struggle with this same entity.  Under normal circumstances, the advice is well-meaning.  In general, people are trying to prevent you from going through the same struggles.  However, infants (just like everyone else) are all different.  We are all engineered differently and have different wants and needs, different ways of coping and different temperaments.  Therefore, while advice on how to deal with a baby that doesn't want to sleep might sound like you're helping out that new mother, chances are high that you are actually causing her to feel dumb for "not knowing what to do."  The truth is that none of us knows what to do as first time parents, no matter how much experience with children we have, how many brothers and sisters we've had, or how many classes we've taken and books we've read.  We learn as we go and we adapt the strategies that work the best with our own families.
I will take this a step further and say something that I am frequently criticized for: even your doctor doesn't know what's best for you or your children sometimes.  While a doctor is a very well-educated individual, he doesn't know every part of you as well as you do.  He won't know how you tolerate certain things and what side effects will be harder for you than others.  The same is true of someone treating your children.  The expression "Mother knows best" really does ring true in most circumstances.  There is an entire movement of all-organic mamas (and daddies) that are realizing this and choosing not to vaccinate, choosing to co-sleep, and maybe even choosing to baby-wear.  While I did vaccinate, do not co-sleep, and only did baby-wearing some of the time, I can honestly say that I have always attempted to make certain that I fully research treatments including natural remedies and avoid medicating children when it's unnecessary.  I have also stood firm with my doctors that while their advice weighs heavily, ultimately I know what's best for my children and myself.  My doctors agree that as long as I am being a caring parent (as they know I am), they will not push antibiotics or any other major medications on me or my children. 
The advice also stretches to couples and/or married life.  In-laws, friends, and siblings all want to share with you what you should and should not be doing in your relationship.  My advice (though it seems ironic to give it in such a blog post) is to take it with a grain of salt.  Pay attention and store the information for later use if it seems relevant.  However, only you know what's best for you.  People are not going to always agree with your decisions.  In fact, people turn on a dime when it comes to "I told you so".  They don't want you to suffer as they have suffered themselves.  It's human nature, especially to women who tend to have a maternal instinct making them not want their loved ones to experience pain.  Pain is part of life and sometimes the decisions you make will hurt, but don't let someone else's opinion or advice dictate how you should be living your life.
Perhaps this post, in and of itself, goes against what I'm saying since I'm giving advice within it.  However, my advice is more of a "listen to your heart" vibe.  You know what's best for you and someone's shouting, berating, or negative opinions and advice shouldn't affect who you are.  Store the information for a later time and focus on what you need to do.  That's how lessons are learned.

When I Grow Up....

I was asked when I was a little girl and what I wanted to be when I grew up.  The answer was that it was constantly changing.  Now, when I "grow up", I have a real goal.  I refer to this as "my dream job."  My dream job is a traveling photographer.  I want to travel around the United States and to some different destinations in the world and take beautiful pictures.  I want to journey to different places and learn about how different people go about their day.  I want to see all the sights that this beautiful country has to offer.  My DREAM job would involve traveling every couple of months and in the in-between time, I'd be able to be a stay at home mom.  I'd be able to volunteer more at the kids' school and maybe even coach their activities or be a Scout Mom.  I know it's not realistic, necessarily, but it's something I'd wish for if I had a genie.  Back to the grind.

Prioritizing and REAL wants and needs

My first grader was taught, this year, about wants and needs in her class.  We discussed how food and shelter were needs but that toys and other things were wants.  It's hard to get into the specifics of some things she asked.  Being the ever-inquisitive little one, she asked me about sunscreen.  We discussed that, in reality, it's not a NEED because it is not essential to life.  However, it is a prioritized want because it's helpful to keep you from getting sunburned in the summer.  We had to make up our own term because she needed a real explanation on items like this. (And trust me, living in Denver, she FULLY understands why sunscreen is important).
The whole thing got me focused on wants and needs in adult life.  I have really been watching and listening to those around me right now and how they respond to wants and needs.  I say all the time that people have very different definitions of words like "broke" and "busy."  When I say that I'm "broke", I mean that I literally do NOT have money to go out for a drink or dinner; I am spending all of my money on bills and necessities.  However, when some people say that they are broke, they mean that they just can't go on a vacation for the weekend.  It's not that one is necessarily right or wrong; it's just a matter of perspective.  I find that the same is true of people using the terms "want" and "need."
At least 25 times a day, I hear people say, "I need a new TV".  Well there are two realities here: you don't NEED a TV (you WANT a TV for entertainment) and if your TV is still functioning, it's not even a priority want.  I hear that people "need" all day long and the reality is that what they're claiming to need is scarcely ever even a priority want.  It's hard for people that have never really struggled to know what true struggle is.  Even people that have struggled or are currently struggling financially often still have a very different definition of "need."  I'm just as guilty as the next person...I say all the time that I need a new mattress.  The reality of it is that I don't NEED it...mine still functions.  I desire it because I have severe back pain every day because of the mattress being an old, used, half broken mattress.
I find that all of this comes down to prioritizing.  Obviously needs come first but the next item on the list is taking care of preparing for the future to make sure that you have something set back. Then the prioritized wants....things that can't really wait.  Finally, we can come down to the wants.
The next item of discussion that this comes down to is selfishness.  I say this not as a lecture but as sound advice from something I've learned over the years....I find that as a mom, I have lost the ability to make nearly anything a priority want for myself.  However, I find that alot of people in relationships (be it parenting, lovers, friends, or anything else) are so set on what THEY want that they forget to ask if it's what others want as well.  Sometimes we can want something so badly that we forget that it's not what's best for everyone involved.  Dreaming about new things or better things is not terrible; it's a great way to focus and set goals.  However, it tends to skew our reality of what's necessary and what's not.
I think I've been all over the map with this post so here's what it comes down to: Spend more time focusing on what you need and what you will need in the future.  Decide what the priority wants are and set small goals to work towards those.  It's part of the journey I walk right now.