I am trying to teach my kids a pretty important lesson.... there are no stupid questions and there's no harm in asking. I truly believe that there is no such thing as a stupid question. Stupidity is lack of knowledge and almost every real question gives you knowledge. The one I'm enforcing most, though, is that there is no harm in asking.
Let me explain....
Let's say you're a homebuyer. You see a home you are absolutely over the moon for but it's out of your price range. You decide to throw in a bid to see what happens. Why? Realistically it can't hurt to try. The worst they can do is say no. It's just the worst thing that can happen.
Let's say you're a high school student and you're trying to perfect a project in the midst of a whole lot of other projects in other classes. Your teacher says it's due at the end of class but you think you can completely perfect it, thereby improving your grade, by the end of the day. Ask if it's possible and explain your case. It can't hurt to see what happens, right?
Let's say that your a younger child who wants a pet. Your parents say no. Plead your case with a great argument and maybe, just maybe it'll change their minds. They might say no or they might have a compromise. You may just end up getting what you want.
We, as adults, don't like to "look stupid." We seem to get more afraid of just saying what we're wanting because we're afraid to get told "no" or to "look stupid." Here's the thing: you never know unless you give it a try. More often than not, God has a plan when he puts something on your heart.
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Friday, April 29, 2016
Coordinated Kids
One of my biggest pet peeves to see on a regular basis is "coordinated kids." Now let me preface by saying that I realize people do this for special occasions, pictures, etc. I'll also say that people have the freedom to do whatever they want. This is an opinion thing and I'd rather see "coordinated kids" all day long than kids that are ignored, mistreated or abused...period.
Now with that little disclaimer done...
I love the adorable little matching outfits for big brother/sister and baby when baby is a newborn. I think it makes the proud sibling feel fantastic. But that's where it ends for me. Children develop a unique sense of style at a very early age. Some like leggings or track pants. Some like jeans. Some refuse to wear long sleeves at all and some prefer hoodies. Some like bright colors and some like primary or pastel. My point is that kids have likes and dislikes just as much as adults do.
It drives me bananas to see a parent force or bribe their little one into having to dress like the older sibling. Why? The younger child is a unique individual too. Your kids are not your Barbie dolls. Your kids are not little cookie cutter molds that you make them into. Your kids are who they are. It might not be what you planned but it's what you are blessed with. You might have wanted a little girly girl that likes dresses and instead you got a girl that loves jerseys. You can't bribe it out of them and dressing them like a twin will only result in tantrums and such.
This especially drives me nuts in people that I see do it daily or ,even, more than three times a week. You think it's cute and funny but it's not. Cramming them into little matching dresses or skirts all the time is not adorable to anyone that can see that your kids are different and should be allowed to dress differently. There are exceptions in kids that prefer this and that's fine if it's something THEY want. What is NOT fine is expecting your little one to be excited to dress like big sister when big sister is their polar opposite in almost every single way.
Embrace your child's personality and stop trying to make them into something they're not. In the end, who they are will shine through anyway and it's likely millions of times as brilliant as anything else.
Now with that little disclaimer done...
I love the adorable little matching outfits for big brother/sister and baby when baby is a newborn. I think it makes the proud sibling feel fantastic. But that's where it ends for me. Children develop a unique sense of style at a very early age. Some like leggings or track pants. Some like jeans. Some refuse to wear long sleeves at all and some prefer hoodies. Some like bright colors and some like primary or pastel. My point is that kids have likes and dislikes just as much as adults do.
It drives me bananas to see a parent force or bribe their little one into having to dress like the older sibling. Why? The younger child is a unique individual too. Your kids are not your Barbie dolls. Your kids are not little cookie cutter molds that you make them into. Your kids are who they are. It might not be what you planned but it's what you are blessed with. You might have wanted a little girly girl that likes dresses and instead you got a girl that loves jerseys. You can't bribe it out of them and dressing them like a twin will only result in tantrums and such.
This especially drives me nuts in people that I see do it daily or ,even, more than three times a week. You think it's cute and funny but it's not. Cramming them into little matching dresses or skirts all the time is not adorable to anyone that can see that your kids are different and should be allowed to dress differently. There are exceptions in kids that prefer this and that's fine if it's something THEY want. What is NOT fine is expecting your little one to be excited to dress like big sister when big sister is their polar opposite in almost every single way.
Embrace your child's personality and stop trying to make them into something they're not. In the end, who they are will shine through anyway and it's likely millions of times as brilliant as anything else.
"Silence is the Best Response"
One of my favorite phrases is "sometimes silence is the best response." I received a private message on social media from a stranger. I received this message not because I said something on a friend's post. I received this message not because I even posted a single thing. I received it because I "liked" someone's comment....not their post, their comment. This message not only contained obscene pictures meant to offend me but also a nasty-gram meant to make me feel like crap. It assaulted my character in ways that had to make me laugh because they are NOTHING like what I am and it was a pretty big leap to assume.
I've talked before about people's right to their opinion and it cracks me up when someone actually feels the need to take the time to privately message me to tell me that they disagree (which would be fine) and that I'm a dick because they disagree. Ummmm....that's not how that works. With that said, silence was definitely the best response. If the little twit that wrote the message reads this, thank you for the obscene picture. It's a nice likeness of you.
I've talked before about people's right to their opinion and it cracks me up when someone actually feels the need to take the time to privately message me to tell me that they disagree (which would be fine) and that I'm a dick because they disagree. Ummmm....that's not how that works. With that said, silence was definitely the best response. If the little twit that wrote the message reads this, thank you for the obscene picture. It's a nice likeness of you.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
The Target Bathroom Policy
The controversy surrounding the "transgender bathroom policy" at Target is growing daily. Those on the opposing side are signing a petition to boycott Target. Those on the supporting side are cheering and actually shopping at Target MORE! I've kept mum for awhile, just trying to gather my thoughts on the topic. I wanted to listen to all sides of the argument and see where my opinion fell after the fact. So here goes......
First of all, the argument for the opposing side is namely based on the idea that "a man could pretend to be transgender just to get in the bathroom and assault your wife or child." In other words, the concern is not about transgender people (as a whole) but with child predators and the like. Here's a little nugget of information to think on.... what makes you think that predators would even bother to "pretend" to be transgender? Predators have been sneaking into bathrooms for decades. They don't need a policy to do it. You should ALWAYS be concerned about your safety and your family's safety (boys too) in public restrooms. That said, a policy that allows transgender people to use the bathroom of their choice will make absolutely no difference in whether or not predators are coming in to assault your family. The bigger risk, unfortunately, is that the transgender individuals will be assaulted themselves. Statistically they are assaulted in alarming numbers and it's just not okay. A piece of paper or a sign or a policy has nothing to do with whether or not a predator will come into the bathroom; it's like saying that a "no gun zone" sign will keep a gunman out.
A second argument is that "a man could come into the bathroom with your wife or child and flash their junk at them." This partially goes back to my last point but partially goes to another: why do you think this is limited to bathrooms? If your concern is that your daughter might see a penis in a Target bathroom, you are ignoring the fact that this can happen almost anywhere. Men (or women) that are going to flash you their "junk" are going to do it wherever they choose. You're worried about the bathroom in Target; meanwhile, this guy does it in the produce section at the supermarket. Again, I present the argument that you are confusing transgender people with mentally disturbed flashers. You have likely used the bathroom with a transgender person more often than you know....guess what, you were not affected in any way.
"Well it's simple. If you have a penis, use the men's bathroom. If you have a vagina, use the women's bathroom." Look, you can agree or disagree with whether or not you're born transgender (the same way you can argue whether or not you're born homosexual). The argument has nothing to do with the point on this. The fact is that transgender people often feel as if they were born in the wrong body. This argument is hard to debate but I will say that it's definitely not "simple."
"Well they're just being politically correct." No one cringes more at politically correct hoopla than I do but this is not about being politically correct; it's about being compassionate. It's about recognizing a "group" (for lack of better word) of people who just want to be able to do a simple human function (like urinate) where they feel comfortable. 99% of transgender people are not going to draw attention to themselves walking into a bathroom anywhere. They just want to poop in peace. It's as simple as that.
"Well I don't want some dude watching me pee." Well then close the stall door. A WHOOOOOLE lot of the people arguing this point have probably never even USED the bathroom in Target. Some "dude" is in the bathroom for the same reason you are and, guess what, they're going to close and lock the stall door and do the same thing you're doing: pee. The idea that transgender people will use this policy as some sort of excuse to be a sneaky perv is absolutely ridiculous and demoralizing (but I'll get to that in a second). Do YOU go into bathrooms and peer over the stalls or peek through the cracks? Nope. You're a normal person that looks under the stall enough to see if there's feet there and then waits for your turn. You close the stall door, lock it, pee, wash your hands (hopefully) and move on. Come on now.
I guess I want to close this by saying that this whole thing seems like it's very demoralizing to transgender people. You can argue the logistics of transgenderism all you want and agree to disagree with people but this debate over this policy is really hurtful on one side. I heard it said that "it wasn't about water fountains during segregation and it's not about bathrooms now" and it was summed up so perfectly. Before you start throwing hateful terminology around and grouping transgender individuals in with perverts, think about what you're saying and how small-minded and ridiculous you sound. To all the transgender people out there having to listen to this debate and hear the hateful things being spewed from people's mouths, I am so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Know that there are a whole lot of us that are more educated on transgender/transsexual folks that are fighting to break down the walls of ignorance.
If you AREN'T educated on the topic, here is a good starting point....
Source:
http://www.medicaldaily.com/what-difference-between-transsexual-and-transgender-facebooks-new-version-its-complicated-271389
First of all, the argument for the opposing side is namely based on the idea that "a man could pretend to be transgender just to get in the bathroom and assault your wife or child." In other words, the concern is not about transgender people (as a whole) but with child predators and the like. Here's a little nugget of information to think on.... what makes you think that predators would even bother to "pretend" to be transgender? Predators have been sneaking into bathrooms for decades. They don't need a policy to do it. You should ALWAYS be concerned about your safety and your family's safety (boys too) in public restrooms. That said, a policy that allows transgender people to use the bathroom of their choice will make absolutely no difference in whether or not predators are coming in to assault your family. The bigger risk, unfortunately, is that the transgender individuals will be assaulted themselves. Statistically they are assaulted in alarming numbers and it's just not okay. A piece of paper or a sign or a policy has nothing to do with whether or not a predator will come into the bathroom; it's like saying that a "no gun zone" sign will keep a gunman out.
A second argument is that "a man could come into the bathroom with your wife or child and flash their junk at them." This partially goes back to my last point but partially goes to another: why do you think this is limited to bathrooms? If your concern is that your daughter might see a penis in a Target bathroom, you are ignoring the fact that this can happen almost anywhere. Men (or women) that are going to flash you their "junk" are going to do it wherever they choose. You're worried about the bathroom in Target; meanwhile, this guy does it in the produce section at the supermarket. Again, I present the argument that you are confusing transgender people with mentally disturbed flashers. You have likely used the bathroom with a transgender person more often than you know....guess what, you were not affected in any way.
"Well it's simple. If you have a penis, use the men's bathroom. If you have a vagina, use the women's bathroom." Look, you can agree or disagree with whether or not you're born transgender (the same way you can argue whether or not you're born homosexual). The argument has nothing to do with the point on this. The fact is that transgender people often feel as if they were born in the wrong body. This argument is hard to debate but I will say that it's definitely not "simple."
"Well they're just being politically correct." No one cringes more at politically correct hoopla than I do but this is not about being politically correct; it's about being compassionate. It's about recognizing a "group" (for lack of better word) of people who just want to be able to do a simple human function (like urinate) where they feel comfortable. 99% of transgender people are not going to draw attention to themselves walking into a bathroom anywhere. They just want to poop in peace. It's as simple as that.
"Well I don't want some dude watching me pee." Well then close the stall door. A WHOOOOOLE lot of the people arguing this point have probably never even USED the bathroom in Target. Some "dude" is in the bathroom for the same reason you are and, guess what, they're going to close and lock the stall door and do the same thing you're doing: pee. The idea that transgender people will use this policy as some sort of excuse to be a sneaky perv is absolutely ridiculous and demoralizing (but I'll get to that in a second). Do YOU go into bathrooms and peer over the stalls or peek through the cracks? Nope. You're a normal person that looks under the stall enough to see if there's feet there and then waits for your turn. You close the stall door, lock it, pee, wash your hands (hopefully) and move on. Come on now.
I guess I want to close this by saying that this whole thing seems like it's very demoralizing to transgender people. You can argue the logistics of transgenderism all you want and agree to disagree with people but this debate over this policy is really hurtful on one side. I heard it said that "it wasn't about water fountains during segregation and it's not about bathrooms now" and it was summed up so perfectly. Before you start throwing hateful terminology around and grouping transgender individuals in with perverts, think about what you're saying and how small-minded and ridiculous you sound. To all the transgender people out there having to listen to this debate and hear the hateful things being spewed from people's mouths, I am so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Know that there are a whole lot of us that are more educated on transgender/transsexual folks that are fighting to break down the walls of ignorance.
If you AREN'T educated on the topic, here is a good starting point....
Source:
http://www.medicaldaily.com/what-difference-between-transsexual-and-transgender-facebooks-new-version-its-complicated-271389
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Parents Who Say Fu**
I was recently told by someone in authority that I speak very eloquently. I absolutely appreciate the compliment. In fact, it means more to me than I can possibly say. I'm told that I use too many "$20 words", which I attribute to working with kids all day long and needing to have that adult interaction. It's something that I am proud of but I don't , often, consider.
Here's why....
My frequent use of profanity. Let me preface this part by saying that I can absolutely control it. I can be in a public situation and speak like an adult. Yes, I understand that there is a theory that profanity shows lack of intelligence (which I find to be ridiculous because I know plenty of brilliant people who say the "f" word on a regular basis). Yes I understand that there are productive ways to express myself without profanity. I understand all of the arguments AGAINST use of profanity. I've heard it all. I've heard everything from it being a sin to a disgrace as a parent. Spare me.
So why do I swear?
I swear because sometimes "oh cheese and crackers" just doesn't cut it. Sometimes just mumbling the phrase "oh for fu**'s sake" is a great tension breaker. When I'm watching a football game, sometimes "what the fu** was THAT" is the best possible phrase to describe how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's a noun and sometimes it's an adjective. Occasionally, it's even a verb. The fact is that these words are fluid and sometimes they are the best word to sum up what I need to say.
"But your kids are going to swear too."
This argument is hysterical to me. 1- They hear me say it and know that it's an "adult" word and when they're adults, they can choose to use it or not. 2- There are some things that kids need to realize are not appropriate for them because they're kids. It's a clearly defined line, thank you very much. 3- If you think for a heartbeat of a second that your teenager isn't swearing behind your back anyway, you're crazy. Believe me, they're doing it. In fact, your younger kids might be doing it too. Realistically, if they are practicing restraint, they clearly understand the general rules of profanity in public anyway.
"But you're such a pretty girl, why do you need to have such a filthy mouth?"
Are you kidding me? I've seen some absolutely stunning women who have the intelligence of an apricot pit. I'd much sooner hear the "f" word coming out of a pretty girl's mouth than have her give an uninformed, unintelligent commentary on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."
"But those words are offensive."
Offensive to whom? Why is everyone so offended by everything nowadays? I think there are words that are far more offensive than any profane word that I use. The use of the word "retard" would be a great example of a FAR more offensive word (yes, retarded can mean slow as in "my computer's fan seems to be retarded but most people aren't using it in that fashion). Any racial or homophobic slur is the same way. These words are far more offensive. I suppose that the context is key. Either way, something being offensive is pretty commonplace these days.
The point of all of this is that there are plenty of great parents in this world that use profanity on a daily basis and their kids are honor students (as in my case), don't swear and are well-rounded, polite children. Don't jump to a conclusion about my use of the "f "word and I won't jump to a conclusion about your lack thereof.
Here's why....
My frequent use of profanity. Let me preface this part by saying that I can absolutely control it. I can be in a public situation and speak like an adult. Yes, I understand that there is a theory that profanity shows lack of intelligence (which I find to be ridiculous because I know plenty of brilliant people who say the "f" word on a regular basis). Yes I understand that there are productive ways to express myself without profanity. I understand all of the arguments AGAINST use of profanity. I've heard it all. I've heard everything from it being a sin to a disgrace as a parent. Spare me.
So why do I swear?
I swear because sometimes "oh cheese and crackers" just doesn't cut it. Sometimes just mumbling the phrase "oh for fu**'s sake" is a great tension breaker. When I'm watching a football game, sometimes "what the fu** was THAT" is the best possible phrase to describe how I'm feeling. Sometimes it's a noun and sometimes it's an adjective. Occasionally, it's even a verb. The fact is that these words are fluid and sometimes they are the best word to sum up what I need to say.
"But your kids are going to swear too."
This argument is hysterical to me. 1- They hear me say it and know that it's an "adult" word and when they're adults, they can choose to use it or not. 2- There are some things that kids need to realize are not appropriate for them because they're kids. It's a clearly defined line, thank you very much. 3- If you think for a heartbeat of a second that your teenager isn't swearing behind your back anyway, you're crazy. Believe me, they're doing it. In fact, your younger kids might be doing it too. Realistically, if they are practicing restraint, they clearly understand the general rules of profanity in public anyway.
"But you're such a pretty girl, why do you need to have such a filthy mouth?"
Are you kidding me? I've seen some absolutely stunning women who have the intelligence of an apricot pit. I'd much sooner hear the "f" word coming out of a pretty girl's mouth than have her give an uninformed, unintelligent commentary on "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."
"But those words are offensive."
Offensive to whom? Why is everyone so offended by everything nowadays? I think there are words that are far more offensive than any profane word that I use. The use of the word "retard" would be a great example of a FAR more offensive word (yes, retarded can mean slow as in "my computer's fan seems to be retarded but most people aren't using it in that fashion). Any racial or homophobic slur is the same way. These words are far more offensive. I suppose that the context is key. Either way, something being offensive is pretty commonplace these days.
The point of all of this is that there are plenty of great parents in this world that use profanity on a daily basis and their kids are honor students (as in my case), don't swear and are well-rounded, polite children. Don't jump to a conclusion about my use of the "f "word and I won't jump to a conclusion about your lack thereof.
Monday, April 25, 2016
Sports Parents
I am absolutely fascinated by documentaries on sports parents. I'm not talking about the supportive moms and dads that come to every game and cheer on the team. I'm talking about the obsessive parents that put their kids in weight training at a young age to bulk them up for football in their college years. I'm talking about the obsessive parents that make their kids eat, sleep, and dream their activity in hopes they'll get a scholarship later on in life. I'm talking about the obsessive parents that leave a room and have their kid tell anyone that will listen that they just want to hang out with their friends for awhile instead of practicing from dawn to dusk. It's incredibly fascinating to me.
So here's the thing.... I commend these parents on encouraging their child and being so involved in their lives. Anymore, there are a whole lot of people who are too concerned with other shit to even CARE about their kids. I commend these parents on wanting greatness for their child. I commend them to doing whatever it takes to make their children's future "better." There are many things that I think are great about these parents and I don't want to completely vilify them.
BUT.....
It borders on ridiculous. Seriously.
In their younger years, kids benefit far more from real life experiences than they do being shoved into non-stop sports training. They benefit from playing, building, and learning. They benefit from being able to enjoy and learn about sports from a fun perspective. They benefit more from learning how to be part of a team than they do from training for a future college scholarship. Statistically speaking, you will burn a kid out WAY faster starting them young and running them non stop than you will to put your foot down and let them be a kid for a little while.
The excuse "but they love it and I'm just encouraging them" comes up pretty often. Let me let you in on a little secret: kids don't have the brain capacity to see the long term results of their decisions. Your five year old may love baseball but when you find ways to "train" them year round, you will burn them out way faster. If your child truly is the "natural" you claim they are, their natural abilities will be there if you take a break and let them be a kid for awhile. Kids can't see that training so hard at a young age can destroy their bodies in the long run. Kids can't understand that life is going to offer them plenty of opportunity to do what they love without having to crunch it all in now.
"Well if they say they want to stop, we'll stop." I hear this a lot too but it doesn't really turn out to be true. Truly obsessed parents won't let them stop. They'll bribe them. They'll pressure them. They'll continue to push them even when they are done. They'll stop listening because it doesn't fit their mold.
"But they can get a scholarship." They can. They truly can. Like I said, I admire those that encourage their kids. It's rare, though, to know if your four year old will get a scholarship in college. Pushing them so young can actually prohibit them from getting a scholarship because they're more likely to end up with career ending injuries before they've even had a chance to have a real career.
Like everything else in life, sports and activities are about balance. So encourage your kids in a healthy way. Don't be the parent screaming obscenities from the sidelines. Don't be the parent yelling at the refs every...single....game. Don't be the parent that shames your kid after a bad game. Maybe if we spend less time pushing, pushing, pushing to the brink of madness and spend more time teaching them how to be part of a team and what a healthy balance is, we will have a healthier generation of athletes down the line.
So here's the thing.... I commend these parents on encouraging their child and being so involved in their lives. Anymore, there are a whole lot of people who are too concerned with other shit to even CARE about their kids. I commend these parents on wanting greatness for their child. I commend them to doing whatever it takes to make their children's future "better." There are many things that I think are great about these parents and I don't want to completely vilify them.
BUT.....
It borders on ridiculous. Seriously.
In their younger years, kids benefit far more from real life experiences than they do being shoved into non-stop sports training. They benefit from playing, building, and learning. They benefit from being able to enjoy and learn about sports from a fun perspective. They benefit more from learning how to be part of a team than they do from training for a future college scholarship. Statistically speaking, you will burn a kid out WAY faster starting them young and running them non stop than you will to put your foot down and let them be a kid for a little while.
The excuse "but they love it and I'm just encouraging them" comes up pretty often. Let me let you in on a little secret: kids don't have the brain capacity to see the long term results of their decisions. Your five year old may love baseball but when you find ways to "train" them year round, you will burn them out way faster. If your child truly is the "natural" you claim they are, their natural abilities will be there if you take a break and let them be a kid for awhile. Kids can't see that training so hard at a young age can destroy their bodies in the long run. Kids can't understand that life is going to offer them plenty of opportunity to do what they love without having to crunch it all in now.
"Well if they say they want to stop, we'll stop." I hear this a lot too but it doesn't really turn out to be true. Truly obsessed parents won't let them stop. They'll bribe them. They'll pressure them. They'll continue to push them even when they are done. They'll stop listening because it doesn't fit their mold.
"But they can get a scholarship." They can. They truly can. Like I said, I admire those that encourage their kids. It's rare, though, to know if your four year old will get a scholarship in college. Pushing them so young can actually prohibit them from getting a scholarship because they're more likely to end up with career ending injuries before they've even had a chance to have a real career.
Like everything else in life, sports and activities are about balance. So encourage your kids in a healthy way. Don't be the parent screaming obscenities from the sidelines. Don't be the parent yelling at the refs every...single....game. Don't be the parent that shames your kid after a bad game. Maybe if we spend less time pushing, pushing, pushing to the brink of madness and spend more time teaching them how to be part of a team and what a healthy balance is, we will have a healthier generation of athletes down the line.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
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