Halfway (ish) through summer

Well, we're through the first half (-ish) of summer, parents.  Take a deep breath and exhale the craziness you've dealt with so far.  Now, to get through the rest of summer, here are the answers to some of the most frequently asked questions....

1.  Yes, they will fight about everything.....every day.....until the end of time.  It doesn't matter if you get two of the exact same toy.  They will find a way to find some tiny imperfection, imagined or real, and it will cause an argument.

2.  "Then Go Cleeeeeeeeeean."  This is, in fact, the most effective answer to the "I'm booooooored" comment you've probably already heard about a hundred times.  I find that a jar of tasks that they can draw from aids in letting them know you're serious.

3.  Yes, toddlers will still get up at 5 AM and yes teenagers will still sleep through noon....the whole summer.  Sleep patterns just seem to intensify in summer.

4.  Yes it is sweaty balls hot.  Yes, it will continue to be so for most of the rest of summer.  I'd like to point out that well over half of you were fussing about the cold a couple of months ago and saying, "I can't WAIT for summer."  It's here, bitches.  It's here.

5.  No it is not too soon to begin a countdown back to school.  Want to know how many days?  Ask a teacher.  Not only are they already planning but they're feeling a bit of bittersweet sadness that their summer ends before your kids' does.

Now, go break up that argument over whose turn it is to close the refrigerator door and remember that summer only lasts so long...and they're only young once!

Muslim Does Not Equal Radical Islam

So I've seen several posts lately on the events of 9-11 saying that people have forgotten.  On some level, it's true.  We've forgotten how we came together as a nation.  We've forgotten how terrifying that felt and how it made us appreciate our families and friends so much more.  We've forgotten how it changed us and how much it shaped how we view things.

But some of us seem to have forgotten something else.... who we were fighting.  You see, our war is not with all Muslims.  Our fight has been against Radical Islam and that is an entirely different thing.

Here are a few thoughts I just want to share to give you some nuggets to chew on.....

*"The Quran encourages  violence."  Most of the people that make this argument have never actually read the Quran.  In fact, most haven't read the Bible or the Book of Mormon or any other religious book in its entirety.  Most are basing it on what they read....wait for it......online.  Statistically speaking, the Bible contains more than twice as many violent passages as the Quran.  Even when you break it down to percentage (as the Bible has many more pages), the Quran's percentage of  violent passages (though larger in percentage than the Bible's 2.71%) is still only 5.34%.  Is the Bible a violent book?  Not, in my opinion.  But my opinion is that the Quran isn't either.  Realistically Christians seldom follow every single passage in the Bible to follow or they'd be cutting off hands and gouging out eyes.  The reason? Christianity is based on Jesus saving our souls and creating a new covenant.  All I am saying is that you should read the Quran YOURSELF before deciding  it's violent because anything can be taken out of context.

*"My brother in law has been 'over there' fighting in the military and they all hate us.'"  First off, God bless our military.  I believe that they have been through hell and I believe that the areas they were called to be have some awful, awful things that can't be unseen.  What I also believe, though, is that we are, once again, confusing all Muslims with a particular war-torn region of a country.  I know, for damn certain, I would not want someone coming over here and judging me based on a gang-infested area of a major city.  I wouldn't want everyone thinking that our whole country is violent and angry just because they were dropped in downtown Chicago (let's say) and encountered a bunch of violent, angry people.  

*"All the men rape children."  No, no they don't.  Just like all Christian men don't lay down with their daughters like the Bible's Old Testament says.  In fact, I'd venture that MOST Muslim men don't rape children just like most Christian men or Buddhist men or Jewish men or any other religion don't rape children.  This is just cruel and xenophobic.

*"The women are beaten and have no rights."  Okay, again, confusing a country (or portion of a country) and a religion.  Let me stress again that a particular Middle Eastern country (or cluster of them) does NOT represent a religion.  Do you see every single Christian woman walking around in completely modest clothing that shows off nothing with no makeup?  Of course not.  Just because the Bible says it, doesn't mean that they obey every single passage...why?  Their focus tends to be on the New Testament because of the new covenant when Jesus died and was resurrected.  There are plenty of Muslims that live in our country (and others) that treat their wives and daughters with more respect and dignity than many other families.  You are confusing religion and a country.

*"Well look at all the shootings here...all Muslim."  Again, generalization.  Has Radical Islam waged a war with our country?  Yes, ours and many others.  Does that mean all Muslims have?  No, not at all.  I sure as hell don't want to be categorized with people that do violence in the name of Christianity.  Why?  Because those people don't represent all Christians.  It's the same premise, like it or not.

*"Well I don't trust any Muslims."  Well I feel very sad for you, then.  Let me ask this question though: how many Muslims do  you actually actively know?  How many have you talked to, in depth?  How many have you looked in the eye?  I'm not talking about what you see, talk about or "chat" online.  I'm talking about truly standing face to face with a Muslim man or woman and truly talking to them.  I'm talking about asking them questions about their faith and their culture.  I'm talking about asking THEIR opinions on all of this.  I can tell you that I have conversed with many that I consider to be kind, generous, friendly people.  I have friends that are Muslim and I trust some of them more than I trust some of my friends of other faith.  Religion does not define us; our hearts do.

This is just the start of a conversation that I wish more people would have.  I wish that they would understand that a country, particularly a portion of a country, does not represent a religion.  I wish they would understand that 5.3% of a book doesn't represent the whole book.  I wish that they would understand that Radical Islam doesn't represent the Muslim faith.  I wish that they would take the time to TALK to Muslims, despite their fear, and truly understand that most are not violent, cruel people.  I wish that they would take the time to get over their fear of what they don't understand and really educate themselves from ALL sides on what they are judging.  

Please take the opportunity to learn.

A Tidbit of Advice

So today I'll present you a little story.  In our story, a girl named Maggie is a bit self conscious.  She's gained some weight and is a little iffy on her body.  She posts some casual pictures to social media of different things she's been up to from work to birthday parties to pool time.  Way old friend, Samuel, posts a comment about the fact that several of her last pictures are prominently showing her breasts.  Maggie, in return, feels even more self conscious and begins to doubt herself.  While Samuel finds the comment to be funny, Maggie's heart is broken and she begins to worry that she needs to dress differently.

This happens all of the time.......

Too often, the Maggies of the world are subject to people's "jokes."  Here's the thing...a joke is only a joke when other people find it funny.  Mocking someone that is already self-conscious is not funny....ever.

Think before you speak, friends.

Look, I'm not one for the butthurt bull crap of the world but there is a line between overly offended and genuine feelings of sorrow over someone's comments.  Was her aim to "feature" her breasts in a picture?  No, probably not.  I mean, with weight come boobs and booty.  I am always telling women to "own it" but sometimes, that's easier said than done.  Sometimes that takes some time to adjust to.  People's jackassy comments don't help that.

So Maggies of the world, be proud of your body.  Ignore the Samuel's of the world and know that men are men....they just see boobs.  You could have a picture of you surrounded by a beautiful cave of sparkly rocks and all they'd see is your boobs sometimes.  It just happens.  Be proud, ladies.  You are beautiful and amazing.

Samuels of the world, think twice before you comment something like that.  What you think is funny might just be mean.

You Can Make a Difference

I think that one of the greatest things we can teach our children is not to force things.  When I look at my generation and I see where we are now, I see that we made a whole lot of decisions based on the fact that we thought that's what we were supposed to do.  We thought that we were supposed to settle down, get married and have kids at a certain age.  We thought that we HAD to decide on a career at 18 when we started college.  We thought that we had to buy a house near our parents.  We thought that we had to have holiday meals with our family and never move outside of our little tribal circle.

Then, I look at my generation now.  At least half, if not more, of us are divorced.  Some remarried, some haven't really dated, and some are not interested in ever getting married again after our experiences. At least half aren't even using a degree that they obtained right out of high school.  Some just got a different job, some are pursuing something currently, and some aren't even sure what they're supposed to do.  At least half of us don't have that house near our parents.  In fact, statistically a lot of people lost or sold them in their divorce or in the mortgage crisis while others had to move due to jobs and others moved voluntarily for a better life.  You see, we tried to force a life that we weren't ready to have and ended up realizing that we should have taken those years to really think on who we were.

I am a firm believer in encouraging (not forcing but encouraging) kids to really wait until they're at least 24 or 25 to get married and settle down.  I did it much earlier, as did many of my friends, and I have learned so much from it.  I don't think that a whole lot of people truly know what they want to do at 18.  I don't think many of them realize that they haven't even unwrapped all of the layers of who they are and your late teens are twenties are the best time to find that out!  I think that kids benefit more from not having these hard expectations on what exactly they have to do.  It doesn't have to be a cookie cutter business to be successful.  True happiness and success come from doing what you're meant to do, not what you have been forced into doing.

What has changed the way our country works is that we seem to have developed a "me" complex.  We forget that part of our responsibility, as a nation, is to mentor the upcoming generation on what we've learned.  Will they always listen?  No, in fact, they may not seem like they're listening at all....until they encounter a situation where they need to use the advice and realize that you weren't trying to boss them around; you were trying to help them.  Part of our responsibility as a nation is to encourage them to change the world.  It's important for us to encourage them to shoot for the starts because great advances come from people who think outside the box.  Shouldn't their parents be taking care of that?  Of course they should  but what harm does it do to reinforce that teaching?  Why have we gone from "it takes a village" to "screw the village, I'm saving my house?"  It may not be your "job" to mentor these kids but a great man once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country."

I've sort of gotten off track.  My apologies.

My point in all of this is that if we want to raise a better generation, we need to encourage them to be what they were meant to be.  Maybe it's not what we pictured or what would make the most money but it's what will fill their soul.  If we want to help the current generation, we need to be there to mentor them, even if when it's not fun.  You see, when they find what their soul needs to fill it, they, too, will want to do something wonderful to change the nation.  Big changes can begin with just one small step.

Review of "Sand in the City" in Arvada, CO

Yesterday, I attended the Arvada "Sand in the City" Festival in Arvada, CO.  Overall, it didn't live up to my expectations but I tend to think that it's because I wasn't sure what to expect.  It was still a nice little festival.  Here are my thoughts.....

*Inexpensive entry:  It was $5 for adults (13+) and free for kids 12 and under.  A percentage of the proceeds went to the Jeffco School system.  This was a MAJOR plus for me on both accounts.  Most of the "fun" was included in the $5 which makes it cheap, easy entertainment.....affordable entertainment is very, very nice.

*Vast array of local vendors for food, drinks and craft beer: Again, pretty affordable overall and a great assortment.  They had everything from barbecue to spicy sausages to homemade ice cream and everything in between.  Very, very impressed.

*Vendor tents:  I was very impressed with the vendor tents as well.  They were all well-arranged and the folks in them were incredibly friendly.  My favorite happened to be the airbrushed tattoos.  The gentleman inside was extremely pleasant and the tattoos were very affordable.

*Entertainment:  The band playing when we were there were truly great.  There was a big open area to spread out and watch them.  I recommend making sure to bring a big umbrella, canopy, etc to make sure that you can stay shaded.  If your kids are old enough and you feel comfortable with it,  you can stretch out and let them just check in after the other fun stuff.  What other fun stuff?  Bouncehouses, inflatable hamster balls, bouncy slides, and more.  Be prepared for LONNNNNNNG lines.  Even to get face painting done, there was an incredibly long line which made the airbrushed tattoos all the more worth it.

*Sand sculptures:  Okay so this is where my expectations were a bit skewed.  I expected there to be sand everywhere...a ton of sculptures.  There were nine total.  While that was strictly my overly excited expectation, it kind of skews the theme of "Sand in the City" when there are only nine sand sculptures.  It could have more easily been called "Beer and Brats in the City" for the sake of accuracy.  With that said, the sand sculptures were absolutely incredible.  With themes from "animals" to "minions" to "the three little pigs" with some "dragons" in between, it was absolutely amazing.  My personal favorite happened to be a dragon on a castle with glittery purple and green scales built in.  Hopefully another year there will be more of them.

Overall, I'd say that it's WELL worth the money to go and attend.  If you have very young children, my recommendation is to be prepared to prioritize because the lines will be long for entertainment.  If you have older children that are able to explore a bit "on their own" within the confines of the fair, bring something to shade yourself and enjoy the entertainment while they go and explore the inflatables and long lines.  I will be returning next year with different expectations but no less impressed with the beautiful sculptures!

Compassion In Spades

I've noticed an alarming trend of complete and total hatred in our country.  It's not just Republicans or Democrats.  It's not just Christians or Atheists.  It's not just black or white.  It's not just man or woman.  It's not just gay or straight.  It's coming from all angles and it's absolutely disturbing.

Today's post, though, is to concentrate on something specific.... the idea that someone that is a nationalized citizen of our country should forfeit all love of his former country.  This post is not an illegal immigrant rant.  This post is not a rant on races or religions...this is simply some food for thought to chomp on.  Here goes....

To help with the understanding, I'm going to paint you a picture: A loving husband and father of two children, that we'll call A and B, is widowed.  He remarries a divorced woman who has three children of her own that we will call C,D, and E.  Now, A and B still, very much, miss their mother.  They miss their mother's family and, although they ADORE their new stepmother and step-siblings, they still feel like they are, in some way, a part of their mother.  In some ways, they feel as if they are betraying their mother if they truly fully embrace their stepmother and C,D, and E as their true family.  In short, they feel pulled in two different directions.  Their stepmother, being a kind woman, comes to understand this and encourages them to embrace their mother's family while still being a part of theirs to the fullest extent.  She lets them know that they don't have to choose between the two and while they will adopt new family traditions, experience new family experiences and love each other as family, they can still hold their mother just as firmly in their hearts.  They don't have to let go of who they are in order to become who they are meant to be.

You are feeling compassion now, yes?  Allow me to explain what I'm comparing here....

A and B are people hoping to become citizens of the United States.  They have come here legally and are in the process of jumping through the hoops to become a citizen.  They are studying hard for the tests, filling out all of the paperwork, and doing absolutely everything that they can in order to do everything completely right.

The new stepmother is our beautiful country and just like the stepmother in the comparison, our country is kind and generous.  Our country is understanding.  Our country does not demand that A and B let go of their former country and heritage.  Instead our country asks that A and B let us learn more about their traditions so that we can better understand and help them to embrace the old heritage while also learning and celebrating new things.  You see, A and B aren't expected to give up everything; they are only given the opportunity to embrace both their past and their present in order to create a beautiful future.  They don't have to let go of who they are in order to become who they are meant to be.

C,D, and E are you and I.  Yes, there are times that we might feel, as the "biological children" that more attention is being given to A and B.  Yes we may strike out occasionally and just feel frustrated. When it comes down to it, though, we forget how lucky we are.  We forget that we are blessed to have such a loving, kind and generous mother.  We forget that we are not expected to change to fit their mold but they are evolving to fit into their family.  Yes, they have to learn to "speak our language" but we could also help them to mesh more easily if we learned a little bit of their language as well.

Contrary to what we seem to put on our up-and-coming citizens (those that are here legally doing everything they can to take care of their families), they do not have to give up their heritage.  They don't have to change who they are.  They are allowed to keep their heritage.  They are encouraged to keep their adapt to our culture, learn new customs and pledge allegiance to our flag but that doesn't mean that they can't still have a love for their past.  While they should follow our laws, love our country and be thankful for their freedom, they can also still celebrate their home country's holidays.  While they should learn to speak our language, they should still be able to speak their language as well.  

So the next time you judge someone who is working their ass off to become a citizen of our beautiful country, take a step back and remember this.  

Humility

I had a major "bite your tongue" moment yesterday when a friend posted a "gofundme" account.  This doesn't infuriate me because of the content but because last year, at this exact time, I posted a "gofundme" link for a close friend whose house was leveled in a tornado.  I was given crap by this friend because "insurance pays for that stuff" and "more people were affected than just her so why does SHE deserve money?"  This friend gave me a real verbal punch for my "favoritism" to this girl, although she was one of only a few in the town that literally lost EVERYTHING (not just damage but literally EVERYTHING).  In fact, she is still displaced...her house is under construction but she is still, over a year later, not back home.  The accusor (as in, the friend who gave me crap) posted a "gofundme" for a victim of the recent tornadoes whose house was leveled.  She picked one out of all of these victims who lost everything and gave her favor.

At first I was furious.  I was ready to give her the same verbal punch and tell her that she was hypocritical for what she did.  I was ready to spew hate from my mouth over feeling that she had been so unfair to me.  And then it hit me....

God has a funny way of humbling you sometimes.  Was this friend completely unfair in the attack on my post last year?  Yes.  Was she being hypocritical by doing the same thing now?  Yes.  But it doesn't matter, in the long run.  It doesn't matter a bit.  The bigger picture is that both of those families (the one I posted and the one she posted) DO need a helping hand.  The bigger picture is that she, now, understands that my post wasn't about singling out or showing favoritism; it was about helping someone who'd lost everything.  The bigger picture is that our friendship is more important to me than being right.  The bigger picture is that God humbled her heart so that she would learn a lesson and it was not my place to "punish" her.  The bigger picture is that God humbled MY heart, in that moment, to understand that it wasn't about me, at all.

You see, God has a way of allowing you to see the other side of the argument.  What you were a victim of in the past, God will often allow you to be on the other side of.  Sometimes, you realize that you were quick to judge and that you were not the victim that you thought you were. Sometimes you realize that you were definitely a victim BUT you make a better decision on how to handle it.  Sometimes you handle the situation in the same negative way it was done to you.  These situations aren't meant to punish you but to teach you.  The situations aren't meant to make you pay but to make you pray.  These situations are meant to let you know that it's not about you, sometimes....it's about a bigger picture.

So the next time you want to scream at someone's hypocrisy, take an emotional step back and look at the opportunity you have.  God made be touching your heart .  We are not designed to judge but to encourage and help.