I'm going to step up on my soapbox for a minute on an issue that I am quite passionate about. Let me preface this by saying that I don't normally like to tell people how to parent or judge them on their parenting choices because everyone has their own style, quirks, etc and no one knows your child better than you do. With that being said, I am very steadfastly set that every parent should be preparing their child for the real world and for the realities that come with it. I'm not saying that you should treat your child like some tyrannical boss who screams, carries on, and throws fits at your child to prepare him for a possible future workplace scenario. What I am saying is that preparing your child for and teaching them about the qualities you need to develop as a person to be successful in life is your job as a parent. Parents that are too soft and cuddly when it comes to allowing their child to realize that you can't treat people however you desire are often (not always but often) the people who end up with entitled, jackass children who treat other kids and adults like peasants or dirt under their feet. Here are a few realities I think you need to actively teach your child....
1. Sometimes life isn't fair. I used to struggle with always making sure that the kids had the same amount of everything....Easter eggs, Christmas gifts, jelly beans..the list goes on and on. Then, I began to notice that by doing so, I was actually harboring in them a constant need for everything to be "fair" all the time! They'd go to a friend's house and, if their parents didn't count out every French fry to make sure that they all had the same amount, they'd pout and feel denied. By constantly being "fair," I wasn't preparing them for the fact that sometimes life isn't fair. Now, I'm not suggesting that you intentionally deny them of everything just to prove a point. What I'm saying is that they need to learn that sometimes people get things they don't deserve, get more than you get of something, or even have things that you don't have. Life isn't about fair. It's about appreciating what you DO have and focusing on that.
2. How you treat people is directly related to whether or not they want to be around you. There are some exceptions to this, such as teenage girls who seem to change on a whim who they do and don't want to be around. However, for the most part, how you treat people affects their behavior towards you. If you're manipulative and mean towards people, they're going to realize it eventually (or their parents will, if you're a child) and they're going to stop wanting to be around you. If you're spiteful and hateful, people are not going to want to be around that. Human nature leads us towards the easiest path and the easiest path is generally people that mesh well with our personalities and with whom we have a lot in common with.
3. Not every tiny scratch is life-altering. I am often looked down on for telling my kids to "get up and shake it off." If you baby your child every time they get a tiny scrape or scratch, you're teaching them that they need to make a big deal out of every little thing that happens. You're actually doing your child a disservice by not letting them learn to get up and move on with their life when it's not a big deal.
4. You are not the center of the universe. The moon revolves around the earth and the planets all revolve around one great big thing....and it's not YOU! You'd be smart to teach your kids that they aren't the center of the universe. How they act can directly affect other people's thoughts and actions. It can also affect far more than just some small part of your life.
5. Words can hurt but you are the master of your reactions. This is probably one of the most important lessons I'm working on with my kids. While I do want them to know and understand that words can hurt (even if they're spoken in jest), I also want them to understand that people are going to say ugly things sometimes and it's important to realize that they're JUST words. No one controls your reactions but you. If you internalize everything and start feeling like crap because someone insults you or start getting angry over something that someone says, you're poisoning yourself emotionally, not them. You're actually physically, mentally, and spiritually harming yourself by focusing on what other people think and say. If my kids can learn this lesson before embarking on their high school years, I think it will help prepare them for the trials and tribulations they'll face during that time (HELP, not prevent).
Preparing your children for the real world is not some unsympathetic, mean way to parent. It doesn't mean there can be a hug when they fall off a bike or encouragement when they're sad. I'm not suggesting that, nor do I parent that way. However, preparing them for the fact that people are not always going to make a fuss over them everywhere they go will help them go out into the real world and deal with life as it comes. Encourage independence but also let them know that they always have a soft place to fall if they need it.
No comments:
Post a Comment