Worry about Yourself!

I can remember being told as a child to "worry about yourself."  I continue to use that phrase today with my own children.  Of course there are two sides to this coin: you don't want them to be nosy and compare themselves to others BUT you want them to have compassion and empathy.  I think that a whole lot of parents underestimate their children's ability to understand concepts so they refuse to use statements like this.  In fact, I think that parents underestimate their children's ability to comprehend a whole lot of things but I'll save that for a different post. 

This new touchy-feely parenting generation is so convinced that our parents and grandparents messed it up that they don't want to take on so many of the great things that generations before us set into place.  We're so convinced that if we hurt our kids feelings, they'll be marred for life.  We're convinced that if we correct them, they'll never recover.  We're not allowed to spank or swat.  We're not supposed to send them to their room and we're supposed to feed them only all-organic, no boxed food.  Our generation has got everyone's underwear in such a wad that we aren't really taking the time to really spread our wings as parents.

I've said it a million times before: there are a million ways to be a great parent.  All of these studies and doctors are making us think we're damaging them if they sleep a certain way or eat a certain food or don't go to preschool or homeschool or whether or not they drink breastmilk or formula. The list goes on and on.  Realistically, though, the "experts" change their minds and their stories every few decades and a whole new generation tells their parents they did it wrong.  But I digress...

It seems like everyone, now, is so concerned with making EVERYTHING into a cause.  We can't just like or dislike something.  We can't just agree or disagree with someone.  We HAVE to make it into a cause and preach it from the pulpits.  Of course there are certain things that are cause for such a big stir but there are also many that are being blown out of proportion.  So this is how I set the guidelines for the "worry about yourself" standard....

If you can turn your head and ignore what they're doing, worry about yourself.  Seriously, if it's a difference of opinion, you DON'T have to engage in a debate on everything all of the time. 

If you're not being hurt and it's not hurting anyone else, worry about yourself.  Not every single action requires you to intervene.  If someone does something differently than you, so be it.  If they're not hurting anyone or themselves, hush.

If you're just going to be spinning your wheels debating it with an argumentative oaf, worry about yourself.  Don't waste your time telling a bully not to bully.  Don't waste your time telling someone who hates something about why they should like it.

and

If you're just being nosy, worry about yourself.  If you're not asking questions about someone's situation in order to find a way to help them, worry about yourself.  Stop nosing into people's business just for the sake of gossip.

On the other hand, here's when to try to help....

When someone is being hurt or trying to hurt themselves

When someone is unable to help themselves (note that I said unable not unwilling)

When someone is in need of real help

We have a nation of nosy nellies that turn their heads when they see someone in true need but want to argue over everything else.  Maybe we need to spend a bit more time focusing on raising healthy independent kids than what method someone uses to wash their car or what lipstick they buy.