"A Girl Like Her: The Aftermath"

If you chose to watch the documentary from my last post, "A Girl Like Her", I hope you explored the website and saw the movies in the "aftermath" section.  If you did, you saw both sides of the story.  You got a chance to see what both the (former) bully and the victim felt six months later.  You got to see how they've changed and how their lives have changed.

I have a thought.....

What if we made it a priority, not just as parents, but as a community to make sure that every single child felt worthy?  What if we made it a priority to make sure that every single child felt loved?  What if we made it a priority to make sure that every single child felt like they had someone to truly talk to, no judgments?  What if we made it a priority to encourage positivity in our children and in our community and to make everyone feel welcome?  What if we made sure that everyone in our community felt like they were part of something bigger?

What if....?

I wonder if that would make a difference in the amount of bullying that takes place.  In the aftermath, the (former) bully reflects something that I find to be incredibly important and brave on her part: she says that "it gave her attention" and that "even if it wasn't positive, it was attention."  I feel like this speaks volumes in so many cases.  Think, if you will, about a toddler and what they will do for attention; they don't care if it's negative or not, they just want the attention.  Even we, as adults, do things to get attention and, often, don't care if it's negative or positive attention.  What if these bullies felt like they were wonderful just as they were?  What if these bullies felt like they were wonderful WITHOUT this attention?  What if we taught them to focus on what they are good at and praised them for their own strengths, whatever those may be?

I wonder if it would make a difference in the victims.  I wonder if this outreach would not just help bullies stop but would help the victims to feel stronger.  I wonder if it would help them feel more represented.  I wonder if it would help them feel more real.  I wonder if it would help them feel more empowered...I guess that's what I'd love to see more.  I want them to feel more empowered.  I want them to feel like they are amazing and perfect just the way they are and that they have strengths that are beyond their understand.  What if we praised them for their strengths, whatever those may be?  Would we help them to step out from behind those bullies and be more strong, empowered and safe?
Could we make them feel safer and more supported?

What if we made it a priority to make these kids know how wonderful we are?  What if, if a child's needs weren't being met in their home, we made it a priority to take that extra time?  Cook them a meal and just let them talk.  Be there for your children's friends.  Be there for those around you, even if it means taking a little time away from what you're doing.  What if we could let them know they're all loved and they're all unique and they're all wonderful?

"A Girl Like Her"

I just finished watching a documentary on Netflix called "A Girl Like Her."  This girl is a documentary about a young lady who is being bullied so severely in high school that she attempts to take her life.  As it happens, the bullying is secretly being documented by the young lady's best friend and by a small pin cam that she wears for at least six months.  In the end, the bully is shown the footage and has an epiphany about her behavior.  If I could show this documentary to everyone in the United States, I surely would.  Thank you to the filmmakers for this eye-opening look at what happens in this school.

There is a vast difference between just silly teasing and good-hearted fun and bullying.  So first off, let's not confuse the two.  The first (silly teasing and good-hearted fun) is done with a loving heart.  It's the kind of "teasing" that takes place in families and good friends.  It's done with a soft heart, both knowing that you're just joking.  It's funny to BOTH of you because it's done out of love and peace.

Then there is bullying.....

Bullying is ANY behavior in which you are treating someone negatively to make yourself feel better. It might be as "small" as deeming someone the smelly kid or the unpopular girl and openly teasing them about it.  It might be as "small" as bumping someone intentionally going down the hallway to show your superiority and make the other person feel small.  It might be as "small" as intentionally making someone feel like an outsider just because you can.  It might be as "small" as tagging someone in nasty photos on Facebook just to make them feel bad.  Bullying comes in many, many forms and even the small things hurt more than you can imagine.

For many, though, it's bigger than these "small" things.  For many, it's real every single day and it's relentless.  For many, it isn't "just" bumping in the hallway; it's in school, in texts, on social media, and everywhere else.  It's hateful words.  It's commands for suicide.  It's about a bully making them feel worthless every single moment of every single day.  It's not "just" one experience; it's experiences every single moment of every single day and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel for them.

I want to direct something to them right now because I lived through bullying when I was younger (and bullying didn't extend to texts and social media).  You are stronger than you know.  You are smarter than you know.  You are more beautiful than you know.  I know it feels dark and it feels hard but there is a way to thrive.  You can do more than just survive.  You are wonderful and if you ever need a reminder of that, you let me know.

To the administrators in these schools, stand up.  Stand up for these kids.  You see it.  You know it's happening.  I don't care what the policies say....stand up.  Be that person.

If you're someone who's watching the bullying, stand up.  Tell someone.  You're bigger than you think you are.  You're stronger than you know and bullies will seldom continue behavior when there is a group of people standing up for their victim.  If they can't single someone out, they can't bully them.  Be there.  Be the person who stands up and stands firm.  Love your friends.  Just love them.

And if you're a bully, I hope you watch this film and it changes you.  I hope that, like the bully in this film, you have an epiphany.  I hope it reaches to your soul.

Thank you, again, to the filmmakers.  You have created a masterpiece that will reach to the core of the watchers and change lives.