Ten Toddler Rules

Just for fun, today, I'm writing about the top ten things that I think go through the top ten toddler rules.

1.  IT'S MINE.  PERIOD.  If I see it, it's mine.  If I play with it, it's mine.  If I see you playing with it, it's mine.  Mine.

2.  FOOD TASTES BETTER OFF OF YOUR PLATE.  Yes, that's right.  It can be the exact same food that I've just watched you put on both plates.  I will still choose to eat it off of your plate and not my own.

3.  I'M NOT YOUR CIRCUS MONKEY.  I will quote Shakespeare when it's just you and I in the room playing.  The minute you whip out a phone or camera to record it, I'm going to say "Da-da."  If you ask me to repeat it in front of someone else, I'll stare blankly at you.  I don't do the "performing" thing.

4.  THERE IS NO PART OF MY DAY THAT WOULD NOT BE BETTER IF I WAS NAKED.  Seriously, I love being naked.  I have no desire to wear your cute little outfits and shoes.  Once I learn how, I will spend the vast majority of my day undressing myself completely and screeching, running through the house. 

5.  LAUGHING AT ME WHEN I DO SOMETHING NAUGHTY JUST FEEDS MY EGO.  Sure it's cute when I run away when you ask me to get my shoes on.  The fact is that I love it and I love the attention. I will now repeat it every chance I get.

6.  I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING WHEN I THROW A FIT.  My pediatrician keeps trying to tell you that it's me losing control.  In essence, it kind of is.  I want you to do it my way and if you don't, I'm going to let you know....loudly.  You can't reason with me.  You can't ignore me.  I'm going to throw a fit.

7.  I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME; I'M IGNORING YOU.  That's right, Mom and Dad.  I'm ignoring you.  I can understand your words.  I know exactly what you're telling me to do but....eh....I don't feel like it.  I'll do it my way, thank you.

8.  I AM TOUCHING EVERYTHING BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I LEARN.  I know you get irritated with me for touching everything but this is how I learn.  It's called a sensory experience.  That's why I like to touch the snow that falls off of boots when you walk in.

9.  IF IT'S ON THE FLOOR OR WITHIN MY REACH, IT WILL GO IN MY MOUTH.  Nothing is safe.  Snow from your boots-mouth.  Beads from your bracelet-mouth.  Teeny tiny piece of fuzz undetectable by the adult human eye-mouth.

10.  HUG ME ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I GROW UP QUICKLY.  I may be difficult at times but hug me all the time because, soon enough, I'll be grown and I will roll my eyes at you.  Enjoy every single minute.

Conference Week

After going to conferences last night and hearing three times, "you must be doing something right at home, Mom," I started to think about what I might do differently than some other parents.  I started to think about what I do that some of my kids' friends don't get from their parents and why they claim to love our house.  (I preface by saying that my kids aren't heading off to college tomorrow so I'm not saying I've succeeded yet.  I also want to say that I'm not saying it's the only way; just that this is what works for me.)

I always have snacks on hand.  Every parent seems to say the same thing: you'd swear the kids that visit your house never eat.  My house is no different.  They're always hungry for snacks.

I let them have supervised space.  In other words, I'm checking in on them frequently (age determines how often) but I'm not hovering.  They know I'm there.

I'm not afraid to call it like it is, regardless of who's here.  That means that I'm not afraid to tell you that your backtalk is unacceptable with your friends here.  It keeps the kids in line instead of them thinking they can get away with murder with their friends here.  This, in turn, shows their friends a good example of how to behave.

I'm not afraid to tell a kid that's a guest in my house that their behavior is unacceptable.  I have no shame in saying, "That kind of attitude isn't permitted in my home.  You will speak with respect or you won't speak at all."  This applies to every age group.

I give second chances....and third chances.  I will ban kids from my house but they get a second chance if they show they're trying to fix their behavior.  This makes a HUGE difference.

I'm not afraid of a mess.  Trash your room...as long as you plan to clean it up.

Noise doesn't bother me.  I always said that after three kids, it's just more noise.  It's no extra chaos.  I'm so accustomed to a house full that the noise is soothing to me.

There are expectations but they are goals NOT musts.  If you mess up, you  mess up.  The point is that you need to try.  I have high expectations but they are to encourage, not make unachievable demands.

and finally....

The kids know the rules from the minute they walk in.  My expectation is the same no matter what.  Our house is your home when you visit.  You can get a drink if you're thirsty, grab a snack if you're hungry and speak your mind respectfully.  You're one of us when you visit our home.  I think this makes all the difference.

Off Season Questions

I'm honestly wondering what the heck is going on in the off season with my Broncos.  I'm puzzled as to some of the rumors going around.  I must say that I'm EXTREMELY trusting of John Elway's judgment and, quite frankly, he's proven his ability to make good choices.  So here are some of the things I'm wondering about....

MANNING'S RETURN:  There are rumors swirling everywhere about Manning's return.  I stand by my original statement that we will know nothing until March.  I have mixed feelings.  If it's the Manning of the beginning of last season, I want him to come back.  If it's the Manning of the end of last season, he just needs to retire.  Peyton Manning is, arguably, one of the best players of all time so his legacy will live on regardless.  With that being said, between Elway and Manning, himself, I am very confident that the right decision will be reached.

DEMARYIUS THOMAS:  I understand the concept of restructuring but I'm really hoping Demaryius sticks around.  He has a proven track record.  He's had some slumps, but what athlete hasn't?

JULIUS THOMAS:  This one hurts a little.  I want Julius Thomas back but I'm also a little iffy on the whole budget thing.  Again, I trust Elway but it's gonna hurt to see Julius play elsewhere if he goes.

DEFENSIVE LINE:  We spent a lot of money getting a great defensive line built up.  For that matter, our offense is kicking ass too.  There are a few players I want back, hands down.  Pot Roast is one of them.  I'm going to be one butt-hurt Broncos fan if he leaves us.

I have a few other questions but this is a real wait and see situation.  Let's hope it pans out. 

The 5 Women of Ugggggh Relationships

So since we touched on men last time, let's cover a group of women today that need a boot in the butt.  There are definitely women who pull the same crap as the "trifling men" from last post.  I don't feel the need to rewrite the entire post with feminine pronouns. Instead, I prefer to talk about women on another end of the spectrum.  I want to talk about the soul-crushing women that treat men like crap.  There are a few different varieties that drive me bananas so here goes:

5.  LOW SELF ESTEEM.  Though these are ranked 5, they drive me nearly equally as nuts as every other one.  These are the women that let their low self-esteem turn them into manipulative shrews.  If their man looks at the TV in a sports bar, she assumes he's checking out he younger waitress.  If someone says "hi" on social media, she's convinced he's cheating.  In most cases, it doesn't matter whether the guy tells her 1000 times a day how wonderful she is; she's always going to feel like he's doing something.  Sometimes, these women have been wronged in the past.  Sometimes, she has had low self esteem since childhood.  The ones that drive me the most crazy in this category KNOW that they have this problem and make excuses for why they won't fix it.  They chase men off and then cry over how the men wronged them.

4. MEAN GIRLS.  These are the women that just treat everyone like crap, their man included.  They make everyone feel like shit.  They criticize.  They're assholes.  Period.  They're possessive.  They're the "I need to grab your hand like I own you whenever a girl walks by who glances your way" girls. You know the type.

3.  ATTENTION WHORE.  I'm pretty sure this doesn't even need a full explanation.  This one is actually normally some combination, often a combination with low self esteem.  Some attention whores treat their men like garbage because they want them to tell them how pretty they are.....every second.....of every day.....until the end of time.  Some of them are just attention whores because they can't stand anyone else getting the glory.  No matter what their reasoning, they are always a pain in the butt. 

2.  YOU CAN'T SEE YOUR KIDS.  These women are a special kind of evil and are usually some combinations of some other things too.  They would normally rate #1 but since #1 usually has this trait anyway, they warrant the #2 spot...a very....close.....second.  Anyone who tells their man that they can't see their kids or that their kids can't come over should immediately be kicked to the curb.  I don't care how pretty she is or how sweet she can be or what she can do for you.  I don't care how scared you are of being alone.  If she can't deal with your kids, then she doesn't deserve you....or a spot with any other good man on the planet.  (And yes there is a VAST difference between women that don't want kids and those that say you can't see yours.  Women that don't want kids are just making a life choice.  Women that are controlling enough to say you can't see yours are evil.)

but the winner...the take all is......

1.  COMPLETE CONTROL FREAK.  These are becoming far more common than I'd like.  These women are absolute pains in the asses of everyone around them.   These women like to control every aspect of their man's life from what he wears to who he talks to.  They only let him participate in certain activities and some even cut up their men's food like babies.  These women almost always complain about how their man never does a thing but they are often the culprit of that, letting them do nothing and criticizing what they actually do.  They expect the world from their man but they want to show him absolutely no appreciation to gain that.

I would like to address a little side note here, in closing.  Men, please don't accuse your women of being #1, even in gest, if they aren't.  There is a vast difference between a well-organized woman or an independent woman and a complete control freak.  You know the complete control freak because you've seen them.....they are the ones that you say, "I'd kill her if I was with her." or "She'd drive me nuts." If your woman loves you, supports you, builds you up...she's a keeper, not a control freak.

One final note: Ladies, if you're acting like any of these, wipe that grin off your face.  It's not cute or funny.  It doesn't make you a sexy or independent to act like an asshole.  The fact is that truly great women don't need to treat other people like shit to be sexy.  They're sexy because they are beautiful on the inside too.  They're sexy because they treat everyone with dignity and respect.  They're sexy because they are loving and kind and encouraging.  If you are being any of these five, knock that shit off or you might chase off an amazing man that deserves the best. (Have no fear, amazing man, you'll find your amazing woman too. Not every woman is one of these five).  There's still time to change your behavior ladies.  Don't give away something great for your own pride.

Triflin Men (and NO, it's not all of them)

So I'd like to cover a somewhat sensitive topic.  I want to preface by saying that I am NOT saying that there are not very definite issues on the other side of this (the female side).  I'll cover the issues I have with women on this in another post.  Today, I'm covering the topic of man whores.

First, let me define what I'm talking about when I use the term "man whore."  For me, "man whore" means that a man sleeps around with multiple women in an unprotected environment and continually produces children that he doesn't care for.  Oddly specific, right?  I don't define a man who sleeps around as a man whore if he uses protection; who am I to criticize his habits.  I don't define a man who has multiple children with multiple women as a man whore if he supports them because he's still supporting his children.  I'm talking about the men who hit it and quit it.

Look, I try  not to judge people in this life.  I try to be understanding of their situations.  Everyone makes mistakes, especially in their younger years.  What I can't, for the life of me, understand is men that produce multiple children with multiple women and then walk away from some or all of the kids.  I was always taught that if you're responsible enough to have sex, you're responsible enough to deal with the possible consequences.  Even using birth control AND a condom, there is a minute chance that you can still get pregnant.  If you can't deal with that possibility, you shouldn't be having sex to begin with.  I teach my children the same principle: actions have consequences and unless you're equipped to handle them, you shouldn't do the action to begin with.

I happened to observe a situation yesterday that really got my goat.  A man who has multiple children with three different women was "outing" one of them for publically speaking about his lack of contact with his children.  He doesn't pay child support OR see the children at all.  He made a public spectacle of her, rallied the troops, and condemned her for "making him look like a fool."  I have several problems with this....

First off, a man that doesn't pay for his children is already a fool.  Secondly, a man who feels the need to publically out (and tag) his ex is a fool.  Thirdly, a man who feels the need to rally the troops is already a fool.  In addition, a man who criticizes the woman who pays every red cent of the care for the children you BOTH produced and cares for their every need..that man is a fool. You see, this woman didn't make him look like a fool; he did.  That woman simply called it like she saw it.

I guess the point of all of this is this: There's a bible verse that talks about not criticizing someone for the splinter in their eye when you have a plank in your own eye.  No matter what your religious background (or lack thereof), the principle remains the same.  Don't pick at someone else when you aren't exactly stand up yourself.  Man whores that criticize the exes paying for THEIR babies and taking care of THEIR babies are trifling asshats that need to shut their mouths.

Rant over.

Apologies

I'm sorry that I disappeared for so long.  I ended up with walking pneumonia and pink eye.  It was a nasty, nasty week for me.  I will get back on the posting trail tomorrow :)

I Heart Ebates

So a friend of mine turned me onto a website awhile back and I kind of blew her off initially.  Then I explored it more and more.  It turned out that it was something I absolutely loved...that website is Pinterest.  It is the most fantastic source of craftiness and inspiration I have found online and I love it down to the depths of my being.

More recently, I was referred to another website and I rolled my eyes. Here we go again...another make money from home scheme.  It turns out that it wasn't at all.  It definitely isn't a million dollar scheme but it does exactly what it says it does...it pays you to shop.  So here's the deal on Ebates.......

Completely free to join If I'm being honest, they do send you daily emails but they're not troublesome to me.  In fact, it lets me know if there's a daily deal that would get me even more cash.  They don't make you put in credit card info, etc.  It's kind of awesome.

Wide variety of websites to choose from It's really simple to get on there and search for the websites you use.  I'm infamous for Amazon orders but it also covers everything from books to flowers to toys to Walmart and target and also even does Living Social deals, etc.

Pick your website and go  All you do is choose your website and click "Shop now."  It takes you to your website and you pick out whatever you want and check out as usual.  Super simple.

You get paid So after you place your order, you get paid on your ebates account (which will send you a check to your house).  I'm not gonna lie to you...it's not a get rich scheme.  You may only get a check for $5 or $10 if you're not a big online shopper BUT if you are a big time online shopper like I am, you can make a little bit of cash for online shopping.  If nothing else, it'll pay for the shipping on an item or even get you a bottle of wine.

You get credit for referring friends Again, not hassle free.  You get credit for referring but no punishments or pressure if you don't.

So click this link and sign up....amazing way to get a couple extra bucks for no effort.
Join Ebates