Conference Week

After going to conferences last night and hearing three times, "you must be doing something right at home, Mom," I started to think about what I might do differently than some other parents.  I started to think about what I do that some of my kids' friends don't get from their parents and why they claim to love our house.  (I preface by saying that my kids aren't heading off to college tomorrow so I'm not saying I've succeeded yet.  I also want to say that I'm not saying it's the only way; just that this is what works for me.)

I always have snacks on hand.  Every parent seems to say the same thing: you'd swear the kids that visit your house never eat.  My house is no different.  They're always hungry for snacks.

I let them have supervised space.  In other words, I'm checking in on them frequently (age determines how often) but I'm not hovering.  They know I'm there.

I'm not afraid to call it like it is, regardless of who's here.  That means that I'm not afraid to tell you that your backtalk is unacceptable with your friends here.  It keeps the kids in line instead of them thinking they can get away with murder with their friends here.  This, in turn, shows their friends a good example of how to behave.

I'm not afraid to tell a kid that's a guest in my house that their behavior is unacceptable.  I have no shame in saying, "That kind of attitude isn't permitted in my home.  You will speak with respect or you won't speak at all."  This applies to every age group.

I give second chances....and third chances.  I will ban kids from my house but they get a second chance if they show they're trying to fix their behavior.  This makes a HUGE difference.

I'm not afraid of a mess.  Trash your room...as long as you plan to clean it up.

Noise doesn't bother me.  I always said that after three kids, it's just more noise.  It's no extra chaos.  I'm so accustomed to a house full that the noise is soothing to me.

There are expectations but they are goals NOT musts.  If you mess up, you  mess up.  The point is that you need to try.  I have high expectations but they are to encourage, not make unachievable demands.

and finally....

The kids know the rules from the minute they walk in.  My expectation is the same no matter what.  Our house is your home when you visit.  You can get a drink if you're thirsty, grab a snack if you're hungry and speak your mind respectfully.  You're one of us when you visit our home.  I think this makes all the difference.