One year ago today, I had complete and total chaos and was struggling with extreme anxiety. One year ago today, I was dealing with overwhelming thoughts and fear. One year ago today, my worst nightmare came true. It was one year ago today......
Now let's talk about where I am today.
Today, I've learned to deal with my anxiety. I've learned coping skills. Admittedly, I didn't learn all of them on my own. I had the help of a very skilled counselor who was intelligent enough to realize that I wasn't depressed...I was anxious. I was overwhelmed and mostly needed to talk things out. I needed to learn how to stop taking everyone else's problems on myself. I needed to learn how to stop stressing myself over things that I couldn't control. I needed to learn a healthy way to cope. I learned how to process things.
Today, I've learned that I can't focus my attention on things and people that don't make me a priority. It doesn't mean I have to cut them off completely. It just means I need to stop letting it control my mind.
Today, I've learned that I can't let myself worry constantly. Worrying is like a rocking chair; I can rock all day long and I'll never go anywhere. I need to focus my attention on things I can control and realize that I need to live my life one day at a time.
Today, I've learned that I need to express my emotions in a healthy way. Instead of bottling it all up until I burst, I need to get the emotions out. Sometimes, that may mean a letter that I never send. Sometimes that may mean a conversation once I've calmed down. Sometimes that may mean that I run and just process the feelings on my own. Sometimes it's just talking to a friend.
Today, I've learned that I need to make time for myself. It's not always the need for a whole day. Most of the time, I just need five minutes or fifteen. The fact is that I have to make my emotional well-being a priority.
Today, I've learned that my support system is the most incredible set of people on the planet. I've learned that my closest friends and my close family members will be there for me no matter what. I've learned there are some people who are meant to be in my support system and some that aren't and that I can't force it because of biology. I have to appreciate the ones that are there and realize that some just aren't meant to be there.
Today, I've learned to be myself freely. I've learned that it's okay to speak my mind without fear of upsetting someone. I've learned that I can't control anyone else's reactions but my own.
If you or anyone you know is struggling, take the time for a hug. Sometimes that physical connection means everything to a person who needs it the most. I'm thankful daily for the people that did it for me.
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