Ten Toddler Rules

Just for fun, today, I'm writing about the top ten things that I think go through the top ten toddler rules.

1.  IT'S MINE.  PERIOD.  If I see it, it's mine.  If I play with it, it's mine.  If I see you playing with it, it's mine.  Mine.

2.  FOOD TASTES BETTER OFF OF YOUR PLATE.  Yes, that's right.  It can be the exact same food that I've just watched you put on both plates.  I will still choose to eat it off of your plate and not my own.

3.  I'M NOT YOUR CIRCUS MONKEY.  I will quote Shakespeare when it's just you and I in the room playing.  The minute you whip out a phone or camera to record it, I'm going to say "Da-da."  If you ask me to repeat it in front of someone else, I'll stare blankly at you.  I don't do the "performing" thing.

4.  THERE IS NO PART OF MY DAY THAT WOULD NOT BE BETTER IF I WAS NAKED.  Seriously, I love being naked.  I have no desire to wear your cute little outfits and shoes.  Once I learn how, I will spend the vast majority of my day undressing myself completely and screeching, running through the house. 

5.  LAUGHING AT ME WHEN I DO SOMETHING NAUGHTY JUST FEEDS MY EGO.  Sure it's cute when I run away when you ask me to get my shoes on.  The fact is that I love it and I love the attention. I will now repeat it every chance I get.

6.  I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M DOING WHEN I THROW A FIT.  My pediatrician keeps trying to tell you that it's me losing control.  In essence, it kind of is.  I want you to do it my way and if you don't, I'm going to let you know....loudly.  You can't reason with me.  You can't ignore me.  I'm going to throw a fit.

7.  I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME; I'M IGNORING YOU.  That's right, Mom and Dad.  I'm ignoring you.  I can understand your words.  I know exactly what you're telling me to do but....eh....I don't feel like it.  I'll do it my way, thank you.

8.  I AM TOUCHING EVERYTHING BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I LEARN.  I know you get irritated with me for touching everything but this is how I learn.  It's called a sensory experience.  That's why I like to touch the snow that falls off of boots when you walk in.

9.  IF IT'S ON THE FLOOR OR WITHIN MY REACH, IT WILL GO IN MY MOUTH.  Nothing is safe.  Snow from your boots-mouth.  Beads from your bracelet-mouth.  Teeny tiny piece of fuzz undetectable by the adult human eye-mouth.

10.  HUG ME ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I GROW UP QUICKLY.  I may be difficult at times but hug me all the time because, soon enough, I'll be grown and I will roll my eyes at you.  Enjoy every single minute.