After a rather large incident occurred near my hometown involving a breast feeding mom being asked to cover up or feed the baby in the bathroom, I was feeling a little frustrated. When a very close friend was told that her breastfeeding her child was bothering another patient in a medical setting, I started getting more upset. Then, I started listening to people's uppity comments towards breastfeeding moms and I became a fuming, frothy mess of fire and ice. Be prepared for some pretty clearly opinionated views. Note the fact that I say that the following is my opinion. I don't push it off on others and it is a choice whether or not to read it so please do not feel the need to litter my comments with your anti-boob hoopla. I understand that there is a completely separate side of this argument...save it for your own blog. Mm kay? Thanks!
First of all, in the interest of full disclosure, I breast fed all four of my kids for a period of time. Even though I had to supplement, I chose to breast feed all four of my children for varying amounts of time. They were all weaned at or before one year old because that's what happened to work for my family. I can honestly say that I was especially modest with my first one, still significantly modest with my second, modest with my third and partially modest with my fourth when it came to breast feeding. I chose to cover up to the point of inconvenience on my own part because of my comfort level with others seeing my body. I can also honestly say that if I had to do it all over again, I'd probably handle it a little differently. I can honestly say that I did make a choice to pump sometimes so that someone else had the chance to feed the baby when I was out. Do I regret breast feeding? Not a all. Do I feel like society was slightly less boob-friendly (in terms of exposed nursing) when I had my kids? Perhaps.
With all of that being said, I fully support whatever decision a mother makes to feed her infant in a healthy manner. Of course, medical experts will tell you that breast is best but it's just not "the best" choice for some people based on comfort level, health issues or a million other reasons. If you choose to feed a baby formula, great! If you choose nursing, great! If you choose a mixture of the two, great! Only you know what's best for you and your baby. Do I think there's a particular age to be weaned by? Nope. I think that, again, that is a call of the mother. If she decides she wants to do it for a shorter time, fine. Nurse until they self-wean? Fine. Again, only you know what's best for you and your baby. We could debate the pros and cons all day long but I support a mother's right to choose whatever method works for her baby as long as it's healthy. Educate yourself and make whatever choice you think is right for you and your family.
Here's what I have a problem with....a big problem:
Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) are not interested in drawing attention to themselves when they are feeding their baby. Whether they are at home or in a restaurant or doctor's office (or anywhere else), their concern is feeding their hungry child. Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) are not going to say, "Oh little Johnny is hungry" and proceed to remove their entire shirt in the grocery store to feed them. Even those that choose not to cover show very little skin when their child is nursing. Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) have, at some point, tried covering to see if it works for them. I can honestly say that my experience with kids, including my own, is that they have no interest in having a blanket or cover over them while they're trying to eat. Spend about 20 minutes under a blanket trying to do anything and you will understand....it's stuffy, claustrophobic and blah feeling. Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) have seen the dirty looks sometimes and understand that not everyone agrees with them. They aren't going to chase you down to sit right next to you and make uncomfortable eye contact while they feed their baby. They're going to ignore you.
Wait a second...what was that....ignore? Yes, ignore.
The fact is that most people have the privilege of having full motion of their neck muscles. Those that don't will often have full control of whether or not their eyes are open or closed. Some even (gasp) have the ability to put one foot in front of the other and walk, skip, hop, or frolic in whatever direction they choose. I don't pretend for a second that everyone will be comfortable with seeing a mother breast feeding. I'm not comfortable seeing 15 year olds frolicking about with their tongues down their boyfriends throats dressed like a certain collagen injected, scantily clad celebrity daughter. Here's the great thing about our country: you can walk away....or turn your head....or clothes your eyes....or look at the ceiling. Hell, if you really want to be obvious about your disdain, hold your hand over the offensive area like a tiny black box of censorship when you look in their direction. Believe me, you're not going to hurt most moms feelings by being offended. You'll make them roll their eyes (in a lot of cases) but you're not going to hurt their feelings.
Here's a fact, though. In most states, there are laws protecting a breastfeeding mother's right to nurse their child in public. A good portion of these laws protect a mother's right to not cover up and to not be asked to cover up, leave a seat and so on. Agree....don't agree....partially agree....the fact is that most states have laws protecting a breast feeding mother's rights to feed their child in public.
Now here's where my upset occurs..... there have been more cases than I'd like to see, lately, where the nursing mother is asked to move or cover up. My particular "favorite" is the bathroom. Not only is that illegal in most states, but it is also completely inconsiderate. I understand that it is uncomfortable for some people in management positions to say, "I'm sorry you're upset by what you're seeing but it is her legal right to do so" but that is part of a managerial position; doing things that aren't much fun. It is a perfectly legitimate response to tell the offended party that the mother has the right to feed her baby and ask THEM if they would like to be moved. Will you offend the offended party? Perhaps. Will you offend the nursing mother? In almost every single instance, YES! If the offended party can't handle twenty minutes of seeing about as much skin as a low cut V-neck blouse offers, then they can walk their happy ass to another room, turn their head or close their eyes.
Look, there are some moms that are perfectly comfortable trying to use a cover. There are moms that feed in their Moby wraps (etc) sometimes. There are moms that will pump. There are moms that will wear special nursing shirts that prevent you from seeing anything. BUT There are also moms that don't feel comfortable with those methods every single time. Believe me, a whole lot of people would be more upset if they had to listen to a screaming child for twenty minutes straight then they would be to turn their head while a mom feeds her baby (if they find it SO offensive). This is one of those occasions where I will honestly say SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP! You don't have to like it but legally you have to deal with it.
In terms of comparing breast feeding without covering to urinating or defacation in public, let me point out a simple fact to you: Breast feeding without covering is legal in most states. Urinating or defacating in public is not. For me, it's really as simple as the speed limit or taxes....you don't have to LIKE the laws but you have to obey them.
I'm not going to waste my time arguing every single point that the prudish arguments on this debate offer. I'm simply not. What I WILL say is that there are a lot bigger fish to fry and far more offensive things to gripe about than a small portion of breast showing while a mother feeds her child. Perhaps we could stop sexualizing our society so much that something that is considered to be the healthiest method of feeding an infant isn't considered offensive to anyone. Until that happens, exercise your right to turn your head if you don't like what you're seeing.
End of rant.
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