For all of the expectant moms celebrating their first Mother's Day, I want to share what I consider to be the best advice you can get from this goofy mom of four....
First and Foremost, Take Every Single Piece of Advice You Get With a Grain of Salt. You're going to hear from damn near anyone and everyone. Not only will they tell you what you should and shouldn't do but they will also tell you how you should and shouldn't be doing these things. Let's be frank, there are a million ways to raise children and, for the most part, one is not better than the other. You know what's best for you and your baby. You'll know what's best for him or her from the minute they're born. Remember that.
Books Are Great But Don't Live By Them. Knowledge is power. That's undeniable. With that being said, there are thousands of baby books that all give different methods and advice. Reading too many parenting books is like googling your symptoms when you're sick....you'll get fifty different diagnoses and solutions, leaving you more confused than you began. Books will be helpful to give you ideas but they don't have to be your parenting Bible (so to speak).
There is No Wrong Answer This is important to remember when you're debating where the baby sleeps, what type of bottle to use or even whether to use one or not, whether or not a pacifier will cause nipple confusion, and a hundred other debates that come up. There is no right or wrong answer; there's only an answer that works for you. Every single baby is different and every family has different needs. Tommy Tippy bottles may work for Mom A but Mom B has a baby that hates them. Baby A might take a pacifier from day one and never get nipple confusion while Baby B won't even take a bottle. There is only what works for you and your family.
Just Because Babies R Us sells it, doesn't mean you need it. I look at the wide variety of gadgets available in awe every time I enter this store. Realistically, every generation looks at the new doo dads and wonders where they were when their kids were babies. Funny thing though, we all got by just fine without the doo dads. Working with kids and having four of my own, I can honestly tell you that a vast majority of the items available just end up taking up space. It is completely a judgment call as to what you think will make your life easier but don't feel like you need to have the entire contents of aisle 8 when you bring your baby home.
Diaper pails STINK. I have literally tested/used every type of diaper pail on the general market in this country in one place or another. It doesn't matter which one you buy, it will eventually stink. You can wind the diapers in bags and hide them but reality will tell you that poop stinks. Diaper Genie, Diaper Champ or just a trash can...in the end, it will all smell the same. My advice would be to change it frequently and skip the expensive hoopla.
It's Okay to Say No. I don't care if it's considered impolite by some. You have every right to say that you don't want guests because you're too tired or you're not feeling well or the baby's having a bad day or just because you don't feel like being social. Yes, people are going to probably want to help you by coming over and cooking or cleaning for you and if that works for you, fantastic! If you are like me, I didn't want people in the house because I felt like I needed to entertain them. It's okay to say no. The people that matter will get over it.
It's Also Okay to Say Yes. If someone offers to come over and you feel comfortable, by all means, it's okay to say yes. Unless they have some serious contagious illness, their germs are part of the baby's natural immunity building. I'm not suggesting you don't have them wash their hands (of course that's important) with your newborn. Don't feel guilty for accepting help or sleeping when the baby sleeps or turning off your ringer.
Put a Note on the Doorbell....and the Door.....and Directly on the Fed Ex Guys Head if He Still Rings It While I believe fully in making sure that the baby gets used to noise, most parents will agree that you still try to be moderately quiet when the baby's napping. Put a note on your doorbell (and door) that make it abundantly clear that you don't want it rung. There are very few things that can't wait on your doorstep for a little while.
Don't Listen to Birth Stories in Your Last Month Unless They're Pleasant The misconception that women don't remember their labor once they see their beautiful baby is crap. You realize it was worth it but you definitely don't forget it. Don't listen to people tell their horror stories in your last month. You don't need the anxiety.
and finally....
You Have the Right to Feel However You're Feeling. Don't Let Someone Tell You Otherwise. If you're enjoying your pregnancy down to the last day, don't let someone bring you down by saying that you should be "fat and miserable." By the same token, if you're just not feeling it, don't let someone tell you that you should "enjoy it before the baby comes." You have the right to feel however you are feeling: good, bad, happy, sad, energetic, bloated, sick, sexy....whatever.
More than anything, I want to tell you congratulations. Prepare for the ride of your life. You'll have your happiest and saddest moments. You'll have your most excited and your most exhausted moments. Nothing in the world, though, will compare to the love you have for your new baby!
Happy Mother's Day.
Friday, May 8, 2015
Thursday, May 7, 2015
The Best Mother's Day Gifts
I keep seeing these pie charts of what moms really want for Mother's Day. Quite frankly, most of them don't seem to give the true results of the gifts though. I think that sometimes it's a difference of what age your kids are. I think that sometimes it's a matter of differences between personalities. I think that sometimes it's a matter of resources. There are quite a few factors that can go into what the best gift for Mother's Day is. In my opinion, here are a few you can't miss with.....
The Gift of Time. Take that however you will because it will apply differently to different families. For a mom of a newborn, this might mean time to take a nice hot shower and actually shave their legs. For the mom of a toddler, it might mean actually being able to go to the bathroom without little hands poking your knee caps to ask you about what sound penguins make. For the mom of a teenager, it might actually mean MORE time since they might rarely see their child. Assessing whatever your mom's particular needs are is what I'm talking to here.
The Gift of Thought. We all hate to admit it but we all love those little glazed trinkets kids make in school to celebrate Mother's Day. Why? Because it's something that shows that we were thought of. This doesn't require a crap ton of money. It doesn't require that you spend hours on it. All it requires is that you truly put thought into what the mom in your life truly needs. Maybe it means cooking her a meal or taking her out to dinner. Maybe she actually enjoys cooking but she'd love if you did the dishes or even cooked a meal WITH her. Maybe she'd love if you cleaned up the house. Maybe she's like me and would rather clean herself but would love if you asked her if she needed anything. Maybe she's in need of something goofy like new socks or maybe she just needs a hug. The fact is that your mom has a need and chances are, she's been ignoring it to provide something for someone else.
and the best gift, in my opinion.....
The Gift of Appreciation. I'm not talking about some quick card you grab at the last minute at the Dollar Tree and scribble a quick signature on. I'm talking about a heartfelt thank you for all that mom does for you. I'm talking about a real thought about what your mom does on a daily basis to make your life a better place.
With all of that said, winning honorable mention in my own personal household.....
Nacho cheese- In fact, a vat of it would be lovely!
Mellow Mushroom Pizza and a Coors Light
A Shopping Spree at a Nursery (a PLANT nursery....ugh....no....more....babies. LOL)
The Gift of Time. Take that however you will because it will apply differently to different families. For a mom of a newborn, this might mean time to take a nice hot shower and actually shave their legs. For the mom of a toddler, it might mean actually being able to go to the bathroom without little hands poking your knee caps to ask you about what sound penguins make. For the mom of a teenager, it might actually mean MORE time since they might rarely see their child. Assessing whatever your mom's particular needs are is what I'm talking to here.
The Gift of Thought. We all hate to admit it but we all love those little glazed trinkets kids make in school to celebrate Mother's Day. Why? Because it's something that shows that we were thought of. This doesn't require a crap ton of money. It doesn't require that you spend hours on it. All it requires is that you truly put thought into what the mom in your life truly needs. Maybe it means cooking her a meal or taking her out to dinner. Maybe she actually enjoys cooking but she'd love if you did the dishes or even cooked a meal WITH her. Maybe she'd love if you cleaned up the house. Maybe she's like me and would rather clean herself but would love if you asked her if she needed anything. Maybe she's in need of something goofy like new socks or maybe she just needs a hug. The fact is that your mom has a need and chances are, she's been ignoring it to provide something for someone else.
and the best gift, in my opinion.....
The Gift of Appreciation. I'm not talking about some quick card you grab at the last minute at the Dollar Tree and scribble a quick signature on. I'm talking about a heartfelt thank you for all that mom does for you. I'm talking about a real thought about what your mom does on a daily basis to make your life a better place.
With all of that said, winning honorable mention in my own personal household.....
Nacho cheese- In fact, a vat of it would be lovely!
Mellow Mushroom Pizza and a Coors Light
A Shopping Spree at a Nursery (a PLANT nursery....ugh....no....more....babies. LOL)
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Common Consideration and Courtesy
The Disney version of "Bambi" has a line that sums up how people in this world should live their lives: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." (Ignore the double negative for the sake of quoting accurately). Common consideration and courtesy seem to have been thrown out the window for a large group of people in our country. This mama has some opinions on the topic:
First of all, in the vast majority of cases NO ONE ASKED YOU. If someone asks you for your honest opinion, by all means, share. If they don't ask, keep your mouth shut unless it is harming you or someone else (and don't be the sarcastic jackass that says that someone's loud shirt is hurting your eyes.) I don't know if you know this or not but we are on a planet that is part of a solar system that ALL revolve around one source....that source is NOT you! Your opinions on Sally Sue's church dress may be important to your friends but Sally Sue does not need to hear negativity. At what point did the people in our society become so full of themselves that they don't realize that not everyone wants to hear them spew their destructive filth into the world?
Secondly, if you're not being productive with your speech, shut your mouth. What I mean by this is that if you're going to use your words to tell someone how they're ugly, too fat or too thin, have a big nose, can't sing (etc) then you are not using your words for productive purpose. If you're asked to judge a beauty pageant, you can voice your opinions on someone's appearance. Otherwise, shut it! You can think it all you want but no one wants or needs to hear it. We wonder why there is a generation of bullies and self conscious people. When our society seems to encourage kids and adults alike to be critical, we are feeding into it daily.
Thirdly, if your argument on a topic is to correct someone's grammar, you have no argument. Realistically speaking, debate is healthy when both parties are handling it with respect and dignity. When you start attacking someone's character, you're out of arguments. When you start criticizing their grammar, you're past that.
My next point would be that tact is still a "thing" in the 21st century. I'm not suggesting that you blow sunshine up people's butts but let's be realistic: there is a time and a place to say something if you absolutely MUST say something critical. There is a way to say something that might make someone you love feel mad/sad and it's not to publically berate or belittle them. Tact is still something that should be practiced. This isn't necessarily for anyone else's benefit but your own.
Finally, I would say the following: The I-Don't-Care-What-People-Think mentality is poisoning our society. Now I want to be clear that I am not saying that we should be people pleasers, constantly concerned with whether or not everyone likes us. What I am saying is that when our society, as a whole, stopped caring about what "everyone" thought, we seem to have lost accountability for any of our actions. We seem to have forgotten that our nation is supposed to be "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" not a bunch of jackasses yelling at each other under a variety of beliefs and non beliefs. I, personally, don't believe that the "under God" part of that was about being a certain religion but about being one voice against anyone that would dare to come against our great country. When we lose accountability and spend all of our time harping at one another, we seem to lose something in the translation.
It's a very fixable problem that we have in our society. Make an effort to make what comes out of your mouth count. Make it something that will HELP our nation build stronger and not something that will tear down its citizens. You can be the start of a trend that will change the world for the better.
First of all, in the vast majority of cases NO ONE ASKED YOU. If someone asks you for your honest opinion, by all means, share. If they don't ask, keep your mouth shut unless it is harming you or someone else (and don't be the sarcastic jackass that says that someone's loud shirt is hurting your eyes.) I don't know if you know this or not but we are on a planet that is part of a solar system that ALL revolve around one source....that source is NOT you! Your opinions on Sally Sue's church dress may be important to your friends but Sally Sue does not need to hear negativity. At what point did the people in our society become so full of themselves that they don't realize that not everyone wants to hear them spew their destructive filth into the world?
Secondly, if you're not being productive with your speech, shut your mouth. What I mean by this is that if you're going to use your words to tell someone how they're ugly, too fat or too thin, have a big nose, can't sing (etc) then you are not using your words for productive purpose. If you're asked to judge a beauty pageant, you can voice your opinions on someone's appearance. Otherwise, shut it! You can think it all you want but no one wants or needs to hear it. We wonder why there is a generation of bullies and self conscious people. When our society seems to encourage kids and adults alike to be critical, we are feeding into it daily.
Thirdly, if your argument on a topic is to correct someone's grammar, you have no argument. Realistically speaking, debate is healthy when both parties are handling it with respect and dignity. When you start attacking someone's character, you're out of arguments. When you start criticizing their grammar, you're past that.
My next point would be that tact is still a "thing" in the 21st century. I'm not suggesting that you blow sunshine up people's butts but let's be realistic: there is a time and a place to say something if you absolutely MUST say something critical. There is a way to say something that might make someone you love feel mad/sad and it's not to publically berate or belittle them. Tact is still something that should be practiced. This isn't necessarily for anyone else's benefit but your own.
Finally, I would say the following: The I-Don't-Care-What-People-Think mentality is poisoning our society. Now I want to be clear that I am not saying that we should be people pleasers, constantly concerned with whether or not everyone likes us. What I am saying is that when our society, as a whole, stopped caring about what "everyone" thought, we seem to have lost accountability for any of our actions. We seem to have forgotten that our nation is supposed to be "ONE NATION UNDER GOD" not a bunch of jackasses yelling at each other under a variety of beliefs and non beliefs. I, personally, don't believe that the "under God" part of that was about being a certain religion but about being one voice against anyone that would dare to come against our great country. When we lose accountability and spend all of our time harping at one another, we seem to lose something in the translation.
It's a very fixable problem that we have in our society. Make an effort to make what comes out of your mouth count. Make it something that will HELP our nation build stronger and not something that will tear down its citizens. You can be the start of a trend that will change the world for the better.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Prepare to Throw Things at Me in Protest.....a Breastfeeding Post
After a rather large incident occurred near my hometown involving a breast feeding mom being asked to cover up or feed the baby in the bathroom, I was feeling a little frustrated. When a very close friend was told that her breastfeeding her child was bothering another patient in a medical setting, I started getting more upset. Then, I started listening to people's uppity comments towards breastfeeding moms and I became a fuming, frothy mess of fire and ice. Be prepared for some pretty clearly opinionated views. Note the fact that I say that the following is my opinion. I don't push it off on others and it is a choice whether or not to read it so please do not feel the need to litter my comments with your anti-boob hoopla. I understand that there is a completely separate side of this argument...save it for your own blog. Mm kay? Thanks!
First of all, in the interest of full disclosure, I breast fed all four of my kids for a period of time. Even though I had to supplement, I chose to breast feed all four of my children for varying amounts of time. They were all weaned at or before one year old because that's what happened to work for my family. I can honestly say that I was especially modest with my first one, still significantly modest with my second, modest with my third and partially modest with my fourth when it came to breast feeding. I chose to cover up to the point of inconvenience on my own part because of my comfort level with others seeing my body. I can also honestly say that if I had to do it all over again, I'd probably handle it a little differently. I can honestly say that I did make a choice to pump sometimes so that someone else had the chance to feed the baby when I was out. Do I regret breast feeding? Not a all. Do I feel like society was slightly less boob-friendly (in terms of exposed nursing) when I had my kids? Perhaps.
With all of that being said, I fully support whatever decision a mother makes to feed her infant in a healthy manner. Of course, medical experts will tell you that breast is best but it's just not "the best" choice for some people based on comfort level, health issues or a million other reasons. If you choose to feed a baby formula, great! If you choose nursing, great! If you choose a mixture of the two, great! Only you know what's best for you and your baby. Do I think there's a particular age to be weaned by? Nope. I think that, again, that is a call of the mother. If she decides she wants to do it for a shorter time, fine. Nurse until they self-wean? Fine. Again, only you know what's best for you and your baby. We could debate the pros and cons all day long but I support a mother's right to choose whatever method works for her baby as long as it's healthy. Educate yourself and make whatever choice you think is right for you and your family.
Here's what I have a problem with....a big problem:
Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) are not interested in drawing attention to themselves when they are feeding their baby. Whether they are at home or in a restaurant or doctor's office (or anywhere else), their concern is feeding their hungry child. Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) are not going to say, "Oh little Johnny is hungry" and proceed to remove their entire shirt in the grocery store to feed them. Even those that choose not to cover show very little skin when their child is nursing. Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) have, at some point, tried covering to see if it works for them. I can honestly say that my experience with kids, including my own, is that they have no interest in having a blanket or cover over them while they're trying to eat. Spend about 20 minutes under a blanket trying to do anything and you will understand....it's stuffy, claustrophobic and blah feeling. Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) have seen the dirty looks sometimes and understand that not everyone agrees with them. They aren't going to chase you down to sit right next to you and make uncomfortable eye contact while they feed their baby. They're going to ignore you.
Wait a second...what was that....ignore? Yes, ignore.
The fact is that most people have the privilege of having full motion of their neck muscles. Those that don't will often have full control of whether or not their eyes are open or closed. Some even (gasp) have the ability to put one foot in front of the other and walk, skip, hop, or frolic in whatever direction they choose. I don't pretend for a second that everyone will be comfortable with seeing a mother breast feeding. I'm not comfortable seeing 15 year olds frolicking about with their tongues down their boyfriends throats dressed like a certain collagen injected, scantily clad celebrity daughter. Here's the great thing about our country: you can walk away....or turn your head....or clothes your eyes....or look at the ceiling. Hell, if you really want to be obvious about your disdain, hold your hand over the offensive area like a tiny black box of censorship when you look in their direction. Believe me, you're not going to hurt most moms feelings by being offended. You'll make them roll their eyes (in a lot of cases) but you're not going to hurt their feelings.
Here's a fact, though. In most states, there are laws protecting a breastfeeding mother's right to nurse their child in public. A good portion of these laws protect a mother's right to not cover up and to not be asked to cover up, leave a seat and so on. Agree....don't agree....partially agree....the fact is that most states have laws protecting a breast feeding mother's rights to feed their child in public.
Now here's where my upset occurs..... there have been more cases than I'd like to see, lately, where the nursing mother is asked to move or cover up. My particular "favorite" is the bathroom. Not only is that illegal in most states, but it is also completely inconsiderate. I understand that it is uncomfortable for some people in management positions to say, "I'm sorry you're upset by what you're seeing but it is her legal right to do so" but that is part of a managerial position; doing things that aren't much fun. It is a perfectly legitimate response to tell the offended party that the mother has the right to feed her baby and ask THEM if they would like to be moved. Will you offend the offended party? Perhaps. Will you offend the nursing mother? In almost every single instance, YES! If the offended party can't handle twenty minutes of seeing about as much skin as a low cut V-neck blouse offers, then they can walk their happy ass to another room, turn their head or close their eyes.
Look, there are some moms that are perfectly comfortable trying to use a cover. There are moms that feed in their Moby wraps (etc) sometimes. There are moms that will pump. There are moms that will wear special nursing shirts that prevent you from seeing anything. BUT There are also moms that don't feel comfortable with those methods every single time. Believe me, a whole lot of people would be more upset if they had to listen to a screaming child for twenty minutes straight then they would be to turn their head while a mom feeds her baby (if they find it SO offensive). This is one of those occasions where I will honestly say SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP! You don't have to like it but legally you have to deal with it.
In terms of comparing breast feeding without covering to urinating or defacation in public, let me point out a simple fact to you: Breast feeding without covering is legal in most states. Urinating or defacating in public is not. For me, it's really as simple as the speed limit or taxes....you don't have to LIKE the laws but you have to obey them.
I'm not going to waste my time arguing every single point that the prudish arguments on this debate offer. I'm simply not. What I WILL say is that there are a lot bigger fish to fry and far more offensive things to gripe about than a small portion of breast showing while a mother feeds her child. Perhaps we could stop sexualizing our society so much that something that is considered to be the healthiest method of feeding an infant isn't considered offensive to anyone. Until that happens, exercise your right to turn your head if you don't like what you're seeing.
End of rant.
First of all, in the interest of full disclosure, I breast fed all four of my kids for a period of time. Even though I had to supplement, I chose to breast feed all four of my children for varying amounts of time. They were all weaned at or before one year old because that's what happened to work for my family. I can honestly say that I was especially modest with my first one, still significantly modest with my second, modest with my third and partially modest with my fourth when it came to breast feeding. I chose to cover up to the point of inconvenience on my own part because of my comfort level with others seeing my body. I can also honestly say that if I had to do it all over again, I'd probably handle it a little differently. I can honestly say that I did make a choice to pump sometimes so that someone else had the chance to feed the baby when I was out. Do I regret breast feeding? Not a all. Do I feel like society was slightly less boob-friendly (in terms of exposed nursing) when I had my kids? Perhaps.
With all of that being said, I fully support whatever decision a mother makes to feed her infant in a healthy manner. Of course, medical experts will tell you that breast is best but it's just not "the best" choice for some people based on comfort level, health issues or a million other reasons. If you choose to feed a baby formula, great! If you choose nursing, great! If you choose a mixture of the two, great! Only you know what's best for you and your baby. Do I think there's a particular age to be weaned by? Nope. I think that, again, that is a call of the mother. If she decides she wants to do it for a shorter time, fine. Nurse until they self-wean? Fine. Again, only you know what's best for you and your baby. We could debate the pros and cons all day long but I support a mother's right to choose whatever method works for her baby as long as it's healthy. Educate yourself and make whatever choice you think is right for you and your family.
Here's what I have a problem with....a big problem:
Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) are not interested in drawing attention to themselves when they are feeding their baby. Whether they are at home or in a restaurant or doctor's office (or anywhere else), their concern is feeding their hungry child. Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) are not going to say, "Oh little Johnny is hungry" and proceed to remove their entire shirt in the grocery store to feed them. Even those that choose not to cover show very little skin when their child is nursing. Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) have, at some point, tried covering to see if it works for them. I can honestly say that my experience with kids, including my own, is that they have no interest in having a blanket or cover over them while they're trying to eat. Spend about 20 minutes under a blanket trying to do anything and you will understand....it's stuffy, claustrophobic and blah feeling. Most nursing mothers (with very, very few exceptions) have seen the dirty looks sometimes and understand that not everyone agrees with them. They aren't going to chase you down to sit right next to you and make uncomfortable eye contact while they feed their baby. They're going to ignore you.
Wait a second...what was that....ignore? Yes, ignore.
The fact is that most people have the privilege of having full motion of their neck muscles. Those that don't will often have full control of whether or not their eyes are open or closed. Some even (gasp) have the ability to put one foot in front of the other and walk, skip, hop, or frolic in whatever direction they choose. I don't pretend for a second that everyone will be comfortable with seeing a mother breast feeding. I'm not comfortable seeing 15 year olds frolicking about with their tongues down their boyfriends throats dressed like a certain collagen injected, scantily clad celebrity daughter. Here's the great thing about our country: you can walk away....or turn your head....or clothes your eyes....or look at the ceiling. Hell, if you really want to be obvious about your disdain, hold your hand over the offensive area like a tiny black box of censorship when you look in their direction. Believe me, you're not going to hurt most moms feelings by being offended. You'll make them roll their eyes (in a lot of cases) but you're not going to hurt their feelings.
Here's a fact, though. In most states, there are laws protecting a breastfeeding mother's right to nurse their child in public. A good portion of these laws protect a mother's right to not cover up and to not be asked to cover up, leave a seat and so on. Agree....don't agree....partially agree....the fact is that most states have laws protecting a breast feeding mother's rights to feed their child in public.
Now here's where my upset occurs..... there have been more cases than I'd like to see, lately, where the nursing mother is asked to move or cover up. My particular "favorite" is the bathroom. Not only is that illegal in most states, but it is also completely inconsiderate. I understand that it is uncomfortable for some people in management positions to say, "I'm sorry you're upset by what you're seeing but it is her legal right to do so" but that is part of a managerial position; doing things that aren't much fun. It is a perfectly legitimate response to tell the offended party that the mother has the right to feed her baby and ask THEM if they would like to be moved. Will you offend the offended party? Perhaps. Will you offend the nursing mother? In almost every single instance, YES! If the offended party can't handle twenty minutes of seeing about as much skin as a low cut V-neck blouse offers, then they can walk their happy ass to another room, turn their head or close their eyes.
Look, there are some moms that are perfectly comfortable trying to use a cover. There are moms that feed in their Moby wraps (etc) sometimes. There are moms that will pump. There are moms that will wear special nursing shirts that prevent you from seeing anything. BUT There are also moms that don't feel comfortable with those methods every single time. Believe me, a whole lot of people would be more upset if they had to listen to a screaming child for twenty minutes straight then they would be to turn their head while a mom feeds her baby (if they find it SO offensive). This is one of those occasions where I will honestly say SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP! You don't have to like it but legally you have to deal with it.
In terms of comparing breast feeding without covering to urinating or defacation in public, let me point out a simple fact to you: Breast feeding without covering is legal in most states. Urinating or defacating in public is not. For me, it's really as simple as the speed limit or taxes....you don't have to LIKE the laws but you have to obey them.
I'm not going to waste my time arguing every single point that the prudish arguments on this debate offer. I'm simply not. What I WILL say is that there are a lot bigger fish to fry and far more offensive things to gripe about than a small portion of breast showing while a mother feeds her child. Perhaps we could stop sexualizing our society so much that something that is considered to be the healthiest method of feeding an infant isn't considered offensive to anyone. Until that happens, exercise your right to turn your head if you don't like what you're seeing.
End of rant.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Coming Together
I don't consider myself to be antisocial. I'm selectively social. I always have been. I have a hard time socializing in situations that I know are not going to be productive. I know that sounds boring but it's life. With that being said, I believe that the world would be a far more productive and loving place if people chose to come together in the right situations. Here are just a few:
Come Together in a Relationship This is where it all begins for a lot of people. When you enter into marriage, you come together as a couple. You stop trying to live as an independent bachelor or bachelorette and begin to put the needs of your spouse before your own. There are far too many men and women looking at their relationships as a secondary thought to their own needs. Marriage means that you put yourself aside. It means that you sometimes have to do things you don't want to do, show interest in something for the sake of your spouse, and realize that it will repay you tenfold. (While I keep referring to spouses, this is also true of long term relationships with unmarried couples).
Come Together in a Family This applies to any family unit whether blood related or not. When you come together as a family, you create a bond that will carry all of the family members through anything. It doesn't mean you won't fight or disagree. It means that when you do, you learn to work through it in a healthy way. Communication, love and trust are what gets you through this.
Come Together to Change the World It might be as simple as getting a new playground in your neighborhood or it might be for a bigger cause such as protecting the rights of a group or fighting for justice for someone facing life's troubles. Come together for a positive cause. Come together to protect our country. Come together to fight for a good cause.
Come Together to Combat the Hate There is so much hate in the world today. There are groups hellbent on destroying our country and its inhabitants. Come together to fight the hate. Come together to encourage love. Come together to create a more peaceful existence.
Come Together to Pray This is probably my favorite. The Bible says that when two or more come together, God is there. The truth is that no matter what your religion, sharing a prayer with a friend or many friends is a wonderful way to put positive energy out into the world. It's a wonderful way to visualize and to make peace with the Universe as a whole.
Come Together in a Relationship This is where it all begins for a lot of people. When you enter into marriage, you come together as a couple. You stop trying to live as an independent bachelor or bachelorette and begin to put the needs of your spouse before your own. There are far too many men and women looking at their relationships as a secondary thought to their own needs. Marriage means that you put yourself aside. It means that you sometimes have to do things you don't want to do, show interest in something for the sake of your spouse, and realize that it will repay you tenfold. (While I keep referring to spouses, this is also true of long term relationships with unmarried couples).
Come Together in a Family This applies to any family unit whether blood related or not. When you come together as a family, you create a bond that will carry all of the family members through anything. It doesn't mean you won't fight or disagree. It means that when you do, you learn to work through it in a healthy way. Communication, love and trust are what gets you through this.
Come Together to Change the World It might be as simple as getting a new playground in your neighborhood or it might be for a bigger cause such as protecting the rights of a group or fighting for justice for someone facing life's troubles. Come together for a positive cause. Come together to protect our country. Come together to fight for a good cause.
Come Together to Combat the Hate There is so much hate in the world today. There are groups hellbent on destroying our country and its inhabitants. Come together to fight the hate. Come together to encourage love. Come together to create a more peaceful existence.
Come Together to Pray This is probably my favorite. The Bible says that when two or more come together, God is there. The truth is that no matter what your religion, sharing a prayer with a friend or many friends is a wonderful way to put positive energy out into the world. It's a wonderful way to visualize and to make peace with the Universe as a whole.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Five Ways Relationships CAN Work, even WITH social media
I have seen people posting and reposting an article written recently about how social media ruins marriages. In a lot of ways, I couldn't agree more with this article. Social media can ruin relationships. People use social media as an excuse to be someone that they're not because there is no accountability. They feel like it's suddenly okay to lie, cheat, or do a million other inappropriate things. They feel like they can do whatever because they are safe behind their computer/phone and no one will find out. It seems that integrity goes out the door.
With all of that being said, I believe there are five real things that you can do to enhance your relationship even WITH the presence of social media......
1. Speak positivity into the lives of your loved ones. I'm not going to tell you to be honest. That is kind of a given. Instead, I will tell you to speak positive things into the life of your spouse (or other loved ones). Give yourself a goal of saying at least 5 positive things per day to your spouse and watch how they shine. Lovers become more forgiving, more willing to encourage you, more thankful, and more productive in general. It's a fact of life that positive thoughts beget positive consequences (even if they take awhile). If you speak positivity into your spouse's life, you will get positive consequences.
2. Don't hide behind your hat . What I mean by this is simple: if you wouldn't say or do it with your spouse present, don't do it at all. If you wouldn't look at a website with your wife sitting right next to you, don't look at it at all. If you wouldn't send a picture to someone with your husband sitting right next to you, don't send it at all. This doesn't just apply to social media. This applies to real life. If you have to lie about who you're texting or messaging, you've already stepped over a line. If you have to lie about where you've been or what you've been doing, you've already stepped over a line. If you have to cover your tracks, you clearly know that you're doing something your spouse wouldn't approve of. If you can't live within your relationship's boundaries, you don't need to be in a relationship. Period.
3. Appreciate what you have. Instead of always wanting what someone else has, appreciate what you have. Focus on the good things about your spouse. Yes, there are always things that irritate you about your spouse. Yes there are deal breakers that need to be talked about with your spouse. With that being said, if you focus most of your attention on what is wonderful about your spouse, you'll spend a lot less time being angry at them. A shift in your mindset can make all the difference.
4. Don't make excuses. This kind of coincides with #2. Don't make excuses for your bad behavior. Don't place the blame on someone else for your actions. Hold yourself accountable for what you do. It's not anyone else's fault if you mess up and, quite frankly, your spouse is likely to be much more forgiving if you confess and apologize! No one is responsible for what you do except you.
5. Surround yourself with people who are for you, not against you It's really easy for someone to call you a "friend." It's a horse of a different color for them to actually behave that way. If your "friends" are trash talking your spouse (and no, I'm not referring to honest expression of concern from a friend or family member), they aren't being productive to your relationship. If you feel the need to trash talk your spouse in front of your friends so that you can fit in, you're not being productive to your relationship. If you surround yourself with negative people, you'll start to develop their approach.
and a little bonus.....
Just because you're not married, it doesn't make you immune Committed relationships are committed relationships. I've seen people use a marriage certificate as a convenient out for why they can cheat, lie, etc. It's unacceptable. If you're in a committed relationship, be in a committed relationship. If you're not, make that clear. People are not disposable and treating them like they are is a recipe for a very lonely life.
With all of that being said, I believe there are five real things that you can do to enhance your relationship even WITH the presence of social media......
1. Speak positivity into the lives of your loved ones. I'm not going to tell you to be honest. That is kind of a given. Instead, I will tell you to speak positive things into the life of your spouse (or other loved ones). Give yourself a goal of saying at least 5 positive things per day to your spouse and watch how they shine. Lovers become more forgiving, more willing to encourage you, more thankful, and more productive in general. It's a fact of life that positive thoughts beget positive consequences (even if they take awhile). If you speak positivity into your spouse's life, you will get positive consequences.
2. Don't hide behind your hat . What I mean by this is simple: if you wouldn't say or do it with your spouse present, don't do it at all. If you wouldn't look at a website with your wife sitting right next to you, don't look at it at all. If you wouldn't send a picture to someone with your husband sitting right next to you, don't send it at all. This doesn't just apply to social media. This applies to real life. If you have to lie about who you're texting or messaging, you've already stepped over a line. If you have to lie about where you've been or what you've been doing, you've already stepped over a line. If you have to cover your tracks, you clearly know that you're doing something your spouse wouldn't approve of. If you can't live within your relationship's boundaries, you don't need to be in a relationship. Period.
3. Appreciate what you have. Instead of always wanting what someone else has, appreciate what you have. Focus on the good things about your spouse. Yes, there are always things that irritate you about your spouse. Yes there are deal breakers that need to be talked about with your spouse. With that being said, if you focus most of your attention on what is wonderful about your spouse, you'll spend a lot less time being angry at them. A shift in your mindset can make all the difference.
4. Don't make excuses. This kind of coincides with #2. Don't make excuses for your bad behavior. Don't place the blame on someone else for your actions. Hold yourself accountable for what you do. It's not anyone else's fault if you mess up and, quite frankly, your spouse is likely to be much more forgiving if you confess and apologize! No one is responsible for what you do except you.
5. Surround yourself with people who are for you, not against you It's really easy for someone to call you a "friend." It's a horse of a different color for them to actually behave that way. If your "friends" are trash talking your spouse (and no, I'm not referring to honest expression of concern from a friend or family member), they aren't being productive to your relationship. If you feel the need to trash talk your spouse in front of your friends so that you can fit in, you're not being productive to your relationship. If you surround yourself with negative people, you'll start to develop their approach.
and a little bonus.....
Just because you're not married, it doesn't make you immune Committed relationships are committed relationships. I've seen people use a marriage certificate as a convenient out for why they can cheat, lie, etc. It's unacceptable. If you're in a committed relationship, be in a committed relationship. If you're not, make that clear. People are not disposable and treating them like they are is a recipe for a very lonely life.
Sunday, April 5, 2015
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