I've been pondering respect, specifically children respecting adults and I came to the conclusion that the definition of respect seems to have changed over the years. When I was a kid, respect was shown in actions, whereas, now respect is shown more in words. Here are some examples....
When I was raised, we called teachers Mrs Jones (or whatever last name). We were given the option of respecting the teacher or going to the principal's office and the principal was intentionally intimidating. Now, a lot of schools are promoting calling the teachers "Miss Sally" (or whatever first name) to "promote a more personal relationship." Parents get to dictate whether or not what their children does to disrespect a teacher is over the line and throw a fit if they're not happy with it. The Principal is now someone that is trying to form personal relationships.
There are some perks but here's the problem....Taking away the teacher's last name and letting the parents throw fits over the teacher's behavior takes away the teacher's authority in the child's eyes. Where there is no authority, there is no respect. Principal's playing nice all of the time doesn't give the children anything to "fear"; therefore, they behave however they want without fear of major consequences.
When I was raised, we were allowed to call friends' parents by their first name but we often called the close ones "Mom" or "Dad." Now, parents are enforcing calling people "Miss Suzie" out of respect but they are forgetting to teach the children the respectful behavior that goes with it. It's okay to teach little Johnny to call the neighbor Miss Suzie as he's peeing in her front yard because he's never been taught to respect people's property. Calling a friend's parent "mom" or "dad" is frowned upon now as a sign of disrespect yet we allow our kids to be sneaky little brats at other people's homes and only give them a slap on the wrist. (Figuratively speaking).
When I was raised, kids that threw tantrums or acted like jerks at other people's houses got marched down the road being tugged by the ear or the arm to apologize to the parents. Now the children get the benefit of the doubt every time and the other parents is assumed to be a jerk for disciplining your child in your absence. Kids are permitted to spin wild tales of how they were mistreated and the parents don't even talk to the neighbors/friends. Not only is this a terrible habit in general, but it encourages lying and never taking responsibility for their actions.
When I was a kid, if my parents said to do something, I was expected to do it...period. Now the kids are encouraged to ask "why" they were asked to do something or say that it's not fair and make a compromise. Compromise? It's one thing to give your children choices and I encourage that as often as possible. With that being said, encouraging your children to find a compromise with you is a fast way to get an argumentative, disrespectful child.
and finally....
When I was a kid, kids were expected to respect their elders regardless of their station in life. Now, kids are essentially made to believe that adults have to "earn" their respect. They are made to believe by the media and elsewhere that bus drivers or janitors are not as important as celebrities and, therefore, do not require the same amount of respect. They are given the right to act like jerks to adults because they don't like their opinions.
The dangers of letting kids get this level of disrespect are stifling. I wish that more parents took a real look at the consequences of their actions.
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