Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Road Offenders

I am a big supporter of the justice system but I think that traffic cops are sometimes not as attentive as they should be.  By no means do I believe that the traffic cops sit in the donut shops like on the movies.  Nor do I believe that they're all by the side of the road having sex in the back of a squad car like the media would like to have you think sometimes.  I genuinely think that 99.5% of police officers are doing their job to the best of their ability and just have a hard time multi tasking occasionally.  I believe that there is a high incidence of this with traffic cops.  It seems that they will pull over someone for not using a blinker while someone is speeding by at 80 mph in a 60 zone.  Perhaps it's an oversight.  I certainly don't think that it's profiling (contrary to what conspiracy theorists would say).  With all of that being said, here are the top five offenders that I believe should be carefully monitored on the roads....


The Speed Demon  I'm relatively certain that everyone speeds once in awhile for an emergency, when they're late to work or when they really need to be somewhere and they're running late.  With that being said, The Speed Demon doesn't ever try to take into consideration that they could simply leave earlier and get somewhere earlier.  They're the jerks that hammer up the shoulder of the road to get off at the next exit because the cars in front of them are doing the speed limit.  They're the buttholes that will ride on your back bumper until you move over so they can speed past you (An action that, for me, results in me going even slower.  Don't ride my ass unless you're gonna pull my hair.)


The Passhole  You know who you are.  These are the people that will speed up and pass you and then slam on their brakes and go slower than you were going to begin with.  They are also the people that refuse to let you over even when you have your blinker on for miles.  There will be space and you'll speed up or slow down to accommodate and the passhole simply speeds up and slows down to match your speed.  They rarely use blinkers and view them as a threat when they are used correctly.


The Distracted Driver This can encompass anything from a woman putting on makeup in her rear view (or on her visor mirror...I've seen it and I always want to reach through their window and pop them in the back of the head for being so careless) to texting (or Facebooking) to eating to turning around to yell at your kids as your minivan creates melee in rush hour traffic.  If you must text or talk on the phone, PLEASE use a wireless headset and talk to text/text to talk.  If your phone is not capable, DON'T do it.  It only takes a second for you to careen into those of us that ARE paying attention and put us in a major spot.  If you need to turn around to discipline your kids, please pull off the road.  Do your make up before you leave the house.  This seems pretty common sense to me.


The Manic Motorcyclist  I am all for the "Look twice, save a life" campaign but if you're gonna zip up the middle of two lanes of traffic in rush hour, you're asking for it.  If you're going to maneuver in and out of traffic carelessly without a second thought, look or hand signal, you're asking to get hit.  It is not always a car driver's fault that a motorcyclist wanted to disobey traffic laws yet we're treated as if it is.  Poor motorcyclist got hit...what they don't tell you is that the motorcyclist had been speeding in between lanes of traffic and that the car driver had his blinker on, looked twice and maneuvered over as he should have.  Not ALL motorcyclists are like this and not all car drivers are careful to look twice.  Manic motorcyclists are a menace on the road though.


and finally.....


The Cutter  You know in elementary school when the popular kids always felt like they could cut in line just because?  These are the entitled schmucks that cut in traffic.  They're the people that wait until the last minute to get over knowing that there's construction or that the lane ends ahead.  They're the people that try to jut in front of you when you've already  let a car merge in rush hour traffic (It works like a deck of cards, people...one from the highway, one from the merging lane, one from the highway, one from the merging lane).  They're the people that pay NO attention when merging and expect you to accommodate them.  They're the people who honk and veer when you obey normal traffic laws and they don't get their way.  In my opinion, these are some of the most dangerous people on the road because they simply don't ever think of the other drivers.  They're selfish and that threatens the well-being of everyone on the road.


If you're one of these jerk offs, get it together.  If you're a traffic cop, consider monitoring these people and getting them ticketed.  Maybe they'll think twice if they actually get called on their traffic violations and make our roads a safer place

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