Parents Harming Children

A man recently made news in Centennial, Colorado for intentionally wrecking his car, trying to kill his 2 year old son.  His son isn't dead, though.  His son is in the hospital in casts, struggling to recover.  Confused and in pain, I'm sure.  The father claims that he didn't think he could be an appropriate father (a "good dad") so he tried to kill him.

My first and most immediate thought was, "Why didn't he give him up for adoption?"  The fact, though, is that sometimes it isn't that simple.  Everyone always assumes that there is a "Safe Haven" law in place for situations such as this.  In Colorado, the "safe haven" law wouldn't have included this boy.  The law says that "you can leave your baby, up to 3 years old, with a hospital staff member who engages in admission, care or treatment of patients at any hospital or with a firefighter at any fire station in Colorado."  Clearly, this boy wasn't 3 days old.

If  he had family that wanted to adopt the child, he could have done a kinship adoption but there is no word if this was the case.  Regardless of what option he chose, he is still fiscally responsible for the child unless and until the adoption is finalized.  It's not as simple as the movies make it; drop him off at an orphanage and call it a day.

I don't want to give the impression that I agree with what I did.  I blatantly disagree.  I think it's despicable.  My thought, though, goes to what could be done to prevent situations like this.  As sterilization seems like a simple answer, I definitely don't want the government involved in deciding who gets to have kids and who doesn't (though I'd debate that child molestors, etc wouldn't break my heart if they were sterilized).  So what's the answer to preventing situations like this?

I don't think the answer is as easy as we'd like to think.

I definitely do think that if a parent is going to harm their child, there should be a safe place to leave him or her.  I think that it's got to be an option to have a place to leave a child if they are in danger.  Of course, there are ramifications.  You have to get counseling/psychological care....period.  If you are wanting to harm someone, especially a child, you need help.  Another stipulation would be that you can't just leave the child and then come back and decide you want to pick him up again.  In short, it's not a day care or a convenience.  Once you've done your counseling, if the psychologist determines that you are safe and capable, fantastic.  If the psychologist determines you didn't cooperate or that you are unsafe, the child is placed for adoption.  The third stipulation is that are still financially responsible unless or until that child is adopted.  You don't just get to leave a kid because you're not in the mood to take care of them.  You are still responsible for what you've "created."

The point is that I think there should be a system in place AND that it should be a publicized option.  There are too many parents leaving their kids in hot cars, abandoning them and such because there aren't available or widely publicized places to leave them.  If you are a parent who is thinking about harming your child, PLEASE seek help.  Go to DFCS, go to their pediatrician, go to a hospital, go to their school....any of these places will help you to find some sort of help that you may seek.  They may not be able to provide the help directly, but they will help you get it!  Please do NOT ever do something to harm your child (or any child, for that matter).  Please do not EVER think that this is the solution to any problem.

Another thought on this topic is more strict penalties.  People do what works for them.  In short, parents are less likely to do something like this if they know they're going to jail for years and years. (I AM suggesting there be help for parents if they think they are endangering their child but if they actually go through with it, I do believe there should be serious penalties.)  Make the penalties stronger.  Make a very serious impression that this is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

My final thought on this is "prevention."  If there are strict penalties, it helps to make people stop and think a bit but what else would assist this.  This is not just teenagers or early twenty somethings but maybe it starts that young...and younger.  People need to know that their sexual behavior does impact their life.  If they get pregnant, it isn't a couple of years of work; it's 18+ years.  You're a parent for life.  Pregnancy needs to stop being such a "meh" thing.  It needs to be a big deal.  Yes, this dips into the abortion debate, I'm sure.  That's a whole different conversation.  What could be done to prevent this?

This man's actions are beyond awful.  There are no words.  My heart goes out to this little boy in his recovery and beyond.  If you are a parent thinking of doing something similar, PLEASE get help. I beg you to please look into your heart and make a decision to seek assistance.

Shorts and Hoodies

If you are the parent of a tween or teenage boy, you have probably had the great debate on shorts.  You know the one: it's forty degrees outside and your son is wanting to walk around in shorts and a hoodie.  Add in the fact that he is fighting like a sabertooth tiger to avoid having to wear a coat of ANY kind (including a light jacket) and strictly wants a hoodie and it's enough to drive you insane.  My experience tells me there are 3 moms that deal with this problem....

You're-Doing-It-Because-I-Said-So Mom  This is the mom that will get you to wear pants and/or a jacket at all costs.  Whether she wrangles you down like a toddler with a tantrum and pins them on you or whether she guilts you into it, you're wearing those pants.

The Compromise Mom  This is the mom that will negotiate with you.  "Okay I understand it's gonna be 65 later so you can wear the shorts but can you please wear a jacket or, at the very least, a thicker hoodie?"

The Natural Consequence Mom  This is the category I fall into.  I've given up on fighting a battle that is stressful for everyone involved.  If he's cold, he'll learn to wear something warmer.  If he's not cold (and it's a possibility being that Colorado kids adapt to climate pretty well...then add in hormones and the fact that they're probably clowning around in the morning keeping the blood flow moving), then it's not worth fighting over anyway.

Whatever category you fall into, know that you're not alone.  Most, if not all, tween and teenage boy parents deal with this argument.  Keep your chin up.

The Hypocrisy of Most Kaepernick Supporters

Here's a little food for thought for Monday....

If you are supporting Collin Kaepernick in his little escapade and yet condemned the bakery that wouldn't bake a cake for a gay couple, you seem to be exercising a bit of hypocrisy.  "But the couple was providing a service." So is he.  "But the couple was discriminating against gay people."  Their discrimination (albeit one I don't agree with personally) was based on their religious beliefs; Kaepernick's discrimination is based on his personal beliefs.  "But the bakers didn't do their job." Well yes they did.  They agreed to make a cake, just not one with  a gay couple on top, etc.  Kaepernick is still playing football but he's choosing not to stand for the national anthem.  "But what the bakers did offends all gay people."  And what Kaepernick did offends pretty much all Americans.
I can do this all day long.

Here's the thing: I don't agree with the bakery's opinion but it is their right to do so, in my opinion.  What I ALSO believe, though, is that they will reap the consequences.  What I mean is that I feel that we should say, "Fine, don't bake it" and then watch them deal with the consequences of that choice.  Their sales would likely fall and they would have terrible reviews.  There might be protests outside of their business.

I don't condemn Collin Kaepernick for his opinion; he has a right to an opinion.  I don't have to respect his opinion and I don't any more than he would respect mine.  I don't think people should force Kaepernick to do anything he doesn't believe in.  However, I fully encourage people to throw away his jerseys.  I fully encourage people to voice their protest regarding Kaepernick's choice to sit during the National Anthem.  Let him reap the consequences of his choice.

You see, I believe in education over "awareness."  You can have all the petty BS ways to "bring awareness" in the world and the fact is that nothing will change until you bring education, as well.  Nothing.  Awareness is all well and good but it doesn't provide a solution.  Protest means nothing if it doesn't move toward a positive resolution.

And those are my final thoughts on the Kaepernick situation.

Kaepernick's Media Hijinx

Collin Kaepernick made headlines when he chose to stay seated for the National Anthem.  Other players are trying to smooth things over by saying that you have to respect your opinion even if you disagree with it.  This is America where we're all allowed to have opinions.  Here are my feelings....

1.  I respect his opinion.  No, actually, I respect his ability to HAVE an opinion.  I do not have to, nor do I respect his opinion.  I think it's a load of crap and a publicity stunt.

2.  If he really has a desire to change the way this country functions, how about he use all the money he makes to try to support race relation education?  He is doing absolutely NO good educating on the topic, nor doing a thing to change it by his approach.

3.  Sitting for the National Anthem does NOT just disrespect this country.  It disrespects all of the men and women that have fought for us and continue to fight for us on a daily basis.  It disrespects those that ARE concerned about the state of this country and that fight for you whether you deserve it or not.

4.  I sincerely hope that every person that has a Kaepernick jersey will throw it away and wear a shirt supporting the American military instead.

You will not repair the state of this country by bitching and moaning.  You won't repair it by sitting out during the National Anthem, burning the flag or any other dumb stunt.  You will repair it when you stop standing by and whining and start educating people.  If you're really concerned about a cause, start finding ways to educate others and change the world the RIGHT way.  Stop acting like a spoiled child who doesn't like the green beans your parents served you for dinner.  

Color Run Denver 2016

My friends and I did the Color Run in Denver today and I can honestly say that I would love to do this every year.  This is our second year doing it and we've committed to try to do in annually.

This year's theme was "Tropicolor."  The event took place at Coors Field and it was every bit as loud and colorful as it was last year.  The warm up was taking place and the booths were all set up.  They are great at hyping up the crowd and the runners are, for the most part, really excited, happy and friendly.  You see a wide variety of apparel from running shorts to tutus and everything in between.  The parking is pretty good and free and there is a whole lot of other apparel available there besides the goodie bags you get when you sign up.

What do I love about the Color Run?  Well, I love the atmosphere.  I also love the fact that the people spraying you with color are great about giving you as much or as little as you want.  I love the fact that the music is peppy and fun.  I love the volunteers cheering you on.  Most of all, though, I love being covered in color, laughing with my friends.

Now, there are a couple of recommendations I would make....
*A sheet or towel to cover the seat of your car.  Even if you get "blown off" after, you will likely still have dust or residue.  It doesn't stain but it's a pain to clean out of car seats.
*Baggie.  Baggie, baggie, baggie.  Put your phone in a baggie to protect it.  It WILL get dust in it and it WILL be a pain to clean.
*If you don't want to wear a bandanna on your face, always always always try to close your mouth as you're passing through the color dust stations.  It's not dangerous but it does taste bad.  They don't mean to get your face but the dust does travel.
*If you're attending the after "party", please be prepared for a color dust cloud.  If you're asthmatic, it can be a bit irritating to your breathing for some.  It's an absolute blast, just be prepared.

Overall, Color Run wins again!

"Humiliated" Over Sweat Pants

I read an article today about a pre-teen that was "humiliated" because she was asked to change out of the leggings she came to school in.  She came into school in a tunic (that was too short in portions of it) and leggings.  She was called into the office and given a pair of sweatpants (just gray sweatpants) and told to change clothes or leave school. Against school rules, she called her mom on her cell phone and her mother was furious.  Supposedly this girl was "humiliated."

Now first, let's define "humiliate."  Webster defines it  "make (someone) feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially publicly"


Second, let's define the school's rules and their conduct.  While they didn't specifically only say "leggings", they did speak of what was and wasn't covering private areas including the butt.  They describe their conduct if it occurs (change clothes).  This is specifically outlined in their handbook.

Third, let's talk about how it was handled by the school.  They pulled her into the office.  They offered her a piece of clothing that would serve the purpose for the rest of the day.  They told her to wear it or leave school and told her that it was not acceptable to call her mom for a change of clothing.  Why?  Well, because what she did was against school code and it's not their policy to call parents.  It's their policy to make an impression without further discipline (detention, etc) to avoid this happening in the future.  In short, the sweatpants are a warning.

Let's review how the "victim" handled the situation.  Going against school dress code, she wore leggings.  She was pulled in and given a change of clothes.  In her little tantrummy fit, she asked to have her mom bring clothes and was told no.  Instead of respecting the office, she snuck and AGAIN broke the school's rules to call her mom on her cell phone.  Mommy comes to fight her battle.

Now let's clear up a little confusion as people forget to read before they just jump all over the school. 1-This was against dress code, even if it wasn't directly specified.  2- It's against the school's code to use her cell phone in school.  3-They did not try to prohibit her from calling her mom for a reason.  They simply explained the policy.  4-They did not offer her raggedy, worn down clothes.  They offered her gray sweatpants.

Now, my opinion:

My opinion is that she was acting like a spoiled little turd because she didn't like what the school told her to do.  She thought that the rules should be bent to fit her situation.  She doesn't like the dress code (and even I roll my eyes at them sometimes, honestly).  Her mom may even think the dress code is dumb and okayed her wearing this.  Then, she went against school rules to call her mom ON HER CELL.  Why?  Because she was pissed and wanted Mommy to come fight her battles.  Her mom enabled her instead of trying to handle this in a civilized manner with the school which is likely where she learned the spoiled behavior to begin with.  She was not "humiliated"...she was pissed and wanted attention.  She still wants it.  That's why she went to the news.
Seriously, at what point do you parents stop to think that the rules are there for a reason?  You may not like them.  You may think they're dumb or that you have a better solution.  If that's the case, handle it RIGHT.  Join the PTA, present a motion and try to change things.  Go to the school board to try to change the dress code.  Do not take it upon yourself to allow your child to break the rules and then expect the school not to react.  Maybe if more parents SUPPORTED the school, we wouldn't have a generation of spoiled, entitled brats that think they're above the law coming into their own as we speak.

Look, I agree that the leggings rule may be dumb just like a yoga pants rule is dumb or a pj pant rule is dumb but a rule is a rule.  I don't have to understand why it is the way it is...I just have to teach my children to obey it.  You see, it's my job to teach my children to be productive adults who know how to follow laws.  I know, strange concept.  If children don't learn to follow the school's rules, they don't think they need to as adults.  Teach children to question things in life but teach them to do it respectfully and change it in the right way, not by blatantly breaking rules and expecting no consequences.

A Note to Young Sports' Parents

To every parent that has enrolled their child in an extra curricular activity:

This little memo is to give you some nuggets to think on before you start attacking and complaining about your coach.  The rules exist for a reason.  You may think that you're 2 year old is "ready" to be on a team with 3 and 4 year olds.  You may think that your child is too advanced.  You may push and bully your coach but a good organization will not back down.

Why?

Your child is not ready.  This is particularly important with toddlers and preschoolers.  In order to achieve a safe environment, children have to be at a certain developmental level to participate in their age group's team.  Your child may be mature in a whole lot of ways but that doesn't make them ready to be in a whole different level of team work needed for the next age level.  The rules were designed to protect your child, not to hinder them.

So what should you do?

Respect the system.  Understand that it's in place in order to keep not only your child safe but other children safe as well.  It's designed to make sure that your child achieves certain skills both physically and socially BEFORE they move on to the next level.  It's designed to make sure that the coach has an appropriate amount of players with plenty of help, as needed.  It's designed to make things cut and dry.  Your 2 year old will do just fine if he's the best player, even if he's three or four months from turning 3.  Your 3 year old will do just fine if she's in the beginner class, even if she's only having to work on perfecting her intermediate skills.  It's better for your child to learn to work their way up than to get something for nothing.

Signed,
A Mom that Watches Coaches Get Stepped on Too Much