Dear Stepmom,
I've had a couple of you in my life and have had both ends of the spectrum experience-wise. The fact is, though, that I think more of you (and I mean a serious majority) are truly doing the best you can. Blended families are definitely a very difficult experience but you're fighting to do things right. You are kicking ass!
You're often judged and it's not fair. You're not trying to replace the kids' biological mom. The truth is that they're not mad at you, most of the time...they're sad that their happy ending wasn't so happy. The truth is that they don't hate you...they just aren't sure how to process things and they're scared of how their kids will do. If you're honest with yourself, you can see it from their perspective too (and vice versa). You are probably just as in love with your new stepchildren as you are with their dad. You, just like both of their biological parents, just want the best for them.
Kids have a habit of punishing you, too. They don't mean to. Hang in there. They'll come around.
Mostly, though, you might be judging yourself. Don't. You're doing a fantastic job. Keep being there for them. Keep encouraging them. Keep up all of your hard work because you're an important part of their life. Even if they have a few moments now, they'll get it down the road. You are awesome. Please know that.
If you are underappreciated this Mother's Day, please know that there are some of us that have incredible stepmothers that are cheering you on. There are some of us that know exactly how much of a void you can fill in your stepchildren's lives. There are some of us that are so proud of you and so thankful for you being there for the kids that need it most. You're amazing.
Keep plugging away step-mama, you're doing fantastic!
Sincerely,
Me
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Friday, May 6, 2016
To the Working Mom on Mother's Day
Dear Working Mom,
You did it! You made it through another year! Your kids are doing fantastic and you're killing it!
You have a unique situation on Mother's Day and you face unique struggles. Your struggle is having to be away from your little ones during the day in order to provide them a better quality of life (or, in some cases, just to provide them life period because, let's face it, life is expensive). Most working moms don't want to be away but it's a necessary evil. Most have to rely on child care whether it's a family member, nanny, day care or anything of the like. We're always wondering, "Are we doing the right thing?"
The answer is yes, mama! Don't second guess yourself. You're working your ass off and your kids are thriving. Don't listen to the haters. Don't listen to the negative people that want to judge you. There will always be someone complaining. Know that your nanny (or day care teacher or whatever the case may be) sees all the amazing things you do and they're spending all day telling your little ones how much you love them. Know that their teachers see that you're doing you're best and how much you love them.
Even more than that, know this, Mama....your kids see it too. They're learning that hard work is the key to succeeding in life. They're learning that sacrifice is essential. They see that every moment you have with them is so much more special BECAUSE you have to be away during the day. Believe me, Mama...they'll know it as they age. They'll know that you had to go to work but that you were doing it ALL for them.
Keep your chin up. You're doing fantastic!
Sincerely,
Me
You did it! You made it through another year! Your kids are doing fantastic and you're killing it!
You have a unique situation on Mother's Day and you face unique struggles. Your struggle is having to be away from your little ones during the day in order to provide them a better quality of life (or, in some cases, just to provide them life period because, let's face it, life is expensive). Most working moms don't want to be away but it's a necessary evil. Most have to rely on child care whether it's a family member, nanny, day care or anything of the like. We're always wondering, "Are we doing the right thing?"
The answer is yes, mama! Don't second guess yourself. You're working your ass off and your kids are thriving. Don't listen to the haters. Don't listen to the negative people that want to judge you. There will always be someone complaining. Know that your nanny (or day care teacher or whatever the case may be) sees all the amazing things you do and they're spending all day telling your little ones how much you love them. Know that their teachers see that you're doing you're best and how much you love them.
Even more than that, know this, Mama....your kids see it too. They're learning that hard work is the key to succeeding in life. They're learning that sacrifice is essential. They see that every moment you have with them is so much more special BECAUSE you have to be away during the day. Believe me, Mama...they'll know it as they age. They'll know that you had to go to work but that you were doing it ALL for them.
Keep your chin up. You're doing fantastic!
Sincerely,
Me
Thursday, May 5, 2016
To the Stay at Home Mom on Mother's Day
Dear Stay At Home Mom,
If you're reading this, you might be hiding in a closet unwrapping a snack size Snickers bar as quietly as ninja while playing "hide and seek" with your 4 year old and trying to regain your sanity by having three minutes with your phone without hearing, "Mommy, I want to play on your phone!" You might be attempting to clean your kitchen and waiting for the mop bucket to fill up. You might be rocking your newborn after a sleepless night, just trying to stay awake until they nod off for good. There are about a million things you could be doing right now and you've probably done half of them in the past twenty four hours.
Let's face it: you work your butt off too. There are some that give you crap for staying at home. Don't let them. Your job takes just as much out of you physically, mentally and emotionally and your breaks from your "job" are few and far between (I use the quotes around "job" because a whole lot of SAHMs get highly offended when you call their family their "job"). You're up at dawn and having to stay up late just to finish up everything. It's a relatively thankless job sometimes and your payment can sometimes be eye rolls and tantrums.
You get judged a whole lot sometimes and it's not right. You're judged if you let your kids watch a half hour TV show because "you shouldn't need to put them in front of the TV when you're at home with them all the time" but what people don't know is that you're just trying to get dinner prepped or vacuum the floor. You're judged if you baby wear because "you're going to spoil them" but what they don't know is that you went through years of infertility and just holding that baby in your arms is heaven (not to mention that it makes THEM happy too). You're judged if you don't have a spotless house when your spouse gets home but what they don't know is that you've spent the day doing art projects and playing outside with the kids. People often feel the need to tell you what you're doing wrong...and they're wrong.
Hang in there, Mama! Your kids are thriving in amazing ways because you're home with them. You're killin it and you're doing it every minute of every day. So if your Mother's Day is filled with the hubbub of every other day and you still don't get much of a break, breathe in, breathe out and know you're doing awesome. Kick up your feet and give anyone that gives you crap about it "the finger." Enjoy your day and enjoy your crazies because they really do grow up too quickly. Take in every hug, song and silly little laugh that you can. You're doing awesome!
I salute you.
Sincerely,
Me
If you're reading this, you might be hiding in a closet unwrapping a snack size Snickers bar as quietly as ninja while playing "hide and seek" with your 4 year old and trying to regain your sanity by having three minutes with your phone without hearing, "Mommy, I want to play on your phone!" You might be attempting to clean your kitchen and waiting for the mop bucket to fill up. You might be rocking your newborn after a sleepless night, just trying to stay awake until they nod off for good. There are about a million things you could be doing right now and you've probably done half of them in the past twenty four hours.
Let's face it: you work your butt off too. There are some that give you crap for staying at home. Don't let them. Your job takes just as much out of you physically, mentally and emotionally and your breaks from your "job" are few and far between (I use the quotes around "job" because a whole lot of SAHMs get highly offended when you call their family their "job"). You're up at dawn and having to stay up late just to finish up everything. It's a relatively thankless job sometimes and your payment can sometimes be eye rolls and tantrums.
You get judged a whole lot sometimes and it's not right. You're judged if you let your kids watch a half hour TV show because "you shouldn't need to put them in front of the TV when you're at home with them all the time" but what people don't know is that you're just trying to get dinner prepped or vacuum the floor. You're judged if you baby wear because "you're going to spoil them" but what they don't know is that you went through years of infertility and just holding that baby in your arms is heaven (not to mention that it makes THEM happy too). You're judged if you don't have a spotless house when your spouse gets home but what they don't know is that you've spent the day doing art projects and playing outside with the kids. People often feel the need to tell you what you're doing wrong...and they're wrong.
Hang in there, Mama! Your kids are thriving in amazing ways because you're home with them. You're killin it and you're doing it every minute of every day. So if your Mother's Day is filled with the hubbub of every other day and you still don't get much of a break, breathe in, breathe out and know you're doing awesome. Kick up your feet and give anyone that gives you crap about it "the finger." Enjoy your day and enjoy your crazies because they really do grow up too quickly. Take in every hug, song and silly little laugh that you can. You're doing awesome!
I salute you.
Sincerely,
Me
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
To the Single Mom on Mother's Day
To the Single Mom on Mother's Day:
You did it! You kicked ass for another year! Your kids are thriving, you're making changes in your life and you're killin in just like you always do. I know it can be discouraging, today, to see married moms get flowers and massages while you're still busy doing the exact same things you always do. I know that, today, just like every other day, you're going to doubt yourself at least two or three times and wonder if you're doing something wrong...wonder if you're doing a good enough job. You are. Your kids see how hard you fight and how much you work hard to make their lives easier. Your kids see that you're the constant in their life. Your kids see that you're a fighter...a survivor. They appreciate it, even if they don't say it all of the time. The next year is going to be tough...it always is. The next year is going to be busy....it always is. But you're going to kill it just like you always do. Smile and know that you are awesome! Flowers would be nice but the work ethic, toughness and love that you're instilling in your kids is worth so much more. Hang in there...in fact, don't just hang in there; climb up on that ledge, drop kick that stuff in your path and go farther than you thought you could! You're amazing, Mama!
Sincerely,
Me
Side note: A whole lot of these things apply to married moms too. I'm not, at all, underestimating motherhood, in general. What I will say is this: single moms often deal with a more "thankless" job than married moms. People don't often realize that when a married mom says she gets "no break", the reality is that single moms literally have no break. All of us are in this together. Hug a single mom and let her know that you see how hard she works and I'll bet she'll hug you back and tell you that you're kicking ass just as hard :)
You did it! You kicked ass for another year! Your kids are thriving, you're making changes in your life and you're killin in just like you always do. I know it can be discouraging, today, to see married moms get flowers and massages while you're still busy doing the exact same things you always do. I know that, today, just like every other day, you're going to doubt yourself at least two or three times and wonder if you're doing something wrong...wonder if you're doing a good enough job. You are. Your kids see how hard you fight and how much you work hard to make their lives easier. Your kids see that you're the constant in their life. Your kids see that you're a fighter...a survivor. They appreciate it, even if they don't say it all of the time. The next year is going to be tough...it always is. The next year is going to be busy....it always is. But you're going to kill it just like you always do. Smile and know that you are awesome! Flowers would be nice but the work ethic, toughness and love that you're instilling in your kids is worth so much more. Hang in there...in fact, don't just hang in there; climb up on that ledge, drop kick that stuff in your path and go farther than you thought you could! You're amazing, Mama!
Sincerely,
Me
Side note: A whole lot of these things apply to married moms too. I'm not, at all, underestimating motherhood, in general. What I will say is this: single moms often deal with a more "thankless" job than married moms. People don't often realize that when a married mom says she gets "no break", the reality is that single moms literally have no break. All of us are in this together. Hug a single mom and let her know that you see how hard she works and I'll bet she'll hug you back and tell you that you're kicking ass just as hard :)
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Bad Days
Sometimes it's just one of those days. Here's how you get through.....
1. Breathe. It sounds simple but just taking a few minutes to take a deep breath (or 10-12 deep breaths) just helps you re-center yourself.
2. Scream. Don't scream AT anyone. Just find a nice open space and scream. Here's the catch....you need to scream something positive. "I'm worth it! I'm awesome! I've got this!" Screaming something that loudly that is so positive will likely have a positive effect on your overall mood.
3. Think about the dancing baby from "Ally McBeal". Bet you didn't think you'd ever think about that again...and I bet you smirked. You're welcome.
4. Go for a walk. The endorphins will do you good and the fresh air can heal almost any case of the blahs.
5. Call a friend. Even if you can't get together, just hearing their voice can be enough.
6. Hug someone. If you can hunt down Channing Tatum, hug him....but ask first because, you know, boundaries.
7. Sing out loud. Maybe it's feel good songs or maybe it's heavy metal head-banging music....sing....loudly. It never fails to improve one's mood.
8. Repeat this mantra.... "This is only one moment, not a lifetime. It's gonna get better." Sounds cheesy but thinking positive can make a huge difference.
If all else fails, go back to bed, take a nap and start the day again. If it's too late in the day, have a glass of wine, take a bath and relaxxxxxxxxx.
Monday, May 2, 2016
10 Things I Can Now Do From the Toilet Since Having Kids
To lighten the mood a bit, I'd like to present the 10 things I, now, know I am capable of doing thanks to trying to use the bathroom as a mom....
1. Manage a small country. If I can handle the quarreling squibble squabble of four siblings in the prime of their fussy years, I am relatively certain I could manage a small country from my own personal porcelain throne.
2. Write an instruction manual. Inevitably, I'm asked questions that require detailed descriptions, which have taught me that I am quite capable of writing an instruction manual for nearly anything from the comfort of my booty box.
3. Interrogate a witness. If you've ever heard a crash while you're in the middle of pooping, you know exactly what I mean...."what was that noise? okay what were YOU doing when it happened..." all from the safety of the dump tank.
4. Be a traveling make up artist....because, let's face it, we're ALWAYS multi tasking as moms and sometimes you gotta cram in putting on your makeup while you're using the potty. I'm very capable of applying a full face of makeup with nothing but a tiny compact mirror in under 3 minutes while I pee.
5. Aid an expert composer in decoding a symphony. I know every sound I hear behind that door and I'm an expert at decoding what they're into now. I can hear a candy wrapper from another floor.
6. Serve as a human lie detector. "Are you playing on your phone?" "Noooooo" "S, are you SURE you wanna lie to me?" "I was playing on my phone, I'll put it away." Mic drop.
7. Scrub the toothpaste from the sink. Now, this has only worked for me because I have small homes that have sinks right next to the toilet. Let's face it, if I'm sitting there, I may as well do SOMETHING productive, right?
8. Creatively assess at least ten new nicknames for my son based on the fact that he canNOT stop peeing on the toilet seat. I'm thinking this would be helpful to the CIA to help them establish code names for undercover operations. Enter Operation Sprinkle McTinkle.
9. Nap. Okay I haven't REALLY figured this one out yet but I'm relatively certain that I might one day be able to achieve a quick power nap while I poo.
10. Maintain my sanity. That couple of minutes of quiet is so exactly what I need sometimes. My sanity is maintained and everyone survives outside the bathroom....even if they are waiting like alley cats at a dumpster when I get out.
1. Manage a small country. If I can handle the quarreling squibble squabble of four siblings in the prime of their fussy years, I am relatively certain I could manage a small country from my own personal porcelain throne.
2. Write an instruction manual. Inevitably, I'm asked questions that require detailed descriptions, which have taught me that I am quite capable of writing an instruction manual for nearly anything from the comfort of my booty box.
3. Interrogate a witness. If you've ever heard a crash while you're in the middle of pooping, you know exactly what I mean...."what was that noise? okay what were YOU doing when it happened..." all from the safety of the dump tank.
4. Be a traveling make up artist....because, let's face it, we're ALWAYS multi tasking as moms and sometimes you gotta cram in putting on your makeup while you're using the potty. I'm very capable of applying a full face of makeup with nothing but a tiny compact mirror in under 3 minutes while I pee.
5. Aid an expert composer in decoding a symphony. I know every sound I hear behind that door and I'm an expert at decoding what they're into now. I can hear a candy wrapper from another floor.
6. Serve as a human lie detector. "Are you playing on your phone?" "Noooooo" "S, are you SURE you wanna lie to me?" "I was playing on my phone, I'll put it away." Mic drop.
7. Scrub the toothpaste from the sink. Now, this has only worked for me because I have small homes that have sinks right next to the toilet. Let's face it, if I'm sitting there, I may as well do SOMETHING productive, right?
8. Creatively assess at least ten new nicknames for my son based on the fact that he canNOT stop peeing on the toilet seat. I'm thinking this would be helpful to the CIA to help them establish code names for undercover operations. Enter Operation Sprinkle McTinkle.
9. Nap. Okay I haven't REALLY figured this one out yet but I'm relatively certain that I might one day be able to achieve a quick power nap while I poo.
10. Maintain my sanity. That couple of minutes of quiet is so exactly what I need sometimes. My sanity is maintained and everyone survives outside the bathroom....even if they are waiting like alley cats at a dumpster when I get out.
Quick Thought
Sometimes the little things in life are as simple as the giggles of your children from the other room, playing together peacefully instead of fighting.
Sometimes the little things in life are as simple as making a total ass of yourself playing a dance game on the kinect just to make the kids laugh.
Somethings the little things in life are as simple as talking about science with your ten year old.
Take the time to hug the people you love. Take the time to tell them how much you love them.
There isn't a promise for tomorrow.
Sometimes the little things in life are as simple as making a total ass of yourself playing a dance game on the kinect just to make the kids laugh.
Somethings the little things in life are as simple as talking about science with your ten year old.
Take the time to hug the people you love. Take the time to tell them how much you love them.
There isn't a promise for tomorrow.
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