1. You're Better Off Without Him This is a trap because there's no happy outcome from this. Either the woman is going to be protective and say that they aren't better off and that this is not for the better OR the woman is going to be defensive and angry that you would suggest something that they already knew. This is an especially dangerous thing to say after the first couple of days. For the first couple of days, the anger is going so strong that you can lift a bus. After that, it starts to wane (as you go through the grief process) and it becomes habit to be defensive.
2. He was a Jerk Well, yes, in theory, he probably was a jerk if they broke up....or so she may think at the time. The fact is that this is another statement that is like a blow pop....it's fine the first couple of days while you're dealing with the hard outer coating but once you get into the soft gooey bubble gum, it's not something that is quite as easy to say because people soften up as they grieve. Jerk today, remember the past tomorrow.
3. What are You Gonna Do Now? This is almost cruel to say. If she knew what she was going to do, she probably would be doing it. Going through a transition after breaking up with someone is an enormous change in lifestyle. Give them time to think before you attack with that question.
4. Well I know this guy.... Ugh, don't even SUGGEST dating to someone who's just broken up. They are either in a "I'll never love again" place or a "I'm over men" place. Either way, they do NOT want to hear about this guy you know.
5. What did he do? I can't say this is a bad question for everyone but the fact is that most women don't want to rehash the events of their break ups in the first couple of weeks or months. After that, when the wound is not so fresh, maybe.
6. He's Probably Off With Some Other Girl Right Now Okay, YES, some guys do cheat....in fact, it's prevalent anymore. With that being said, not every break up is about him cheating. Not every break up means that he was stepping out. Even if that WAS the case, rubbing salt in a wound like that is NOT okay.
7. He Was Always Too _____ Anyway I left a blank because there's always a phrase people throw in. He was always too needy. He was always too jealous. He was always too mean anyway. Whatever the case may be, he was not ALWAYS that way or she wouldn't have been with him to begin with. Somewhere along the line, she saw something good in him and you criticizing him is not helping her to heal. It's making her defensive.
8. I Hope That He Ends Up With ____ Yeah vengeance, another no no. Again, I can't say that everyone dislikes this. With that being said, the last thing a lot of girls want to think about when they're dealing with the loss (whether they initiated it or not) of a lover is him going through something terrible. Love doesn't go away overnight. Telling her that you hope he ends up with amoebic dysentery is not productive.
9. You Should Just Probably Not Date With Your Luck Way to kick her when she's down. How about you let her heal from what she's going through and THEN she can decide whether or not she's going to enter the dating world again
10. Remember when he.... Okay this is not always a negative but telling some incredible story of what he did with her is not going to help her heal. It's going to make her sad or mad or some other emotion that she doesn't want to deal with. Give it time before you bring that crap up.
11. You Know What You NEED to Do? You NEED to... Okay, I'm not a fan of telling people what they need to do anyway but after a break up, the last thing someone needs is someone telling them what they NEED to do. Let them gather up their strength and cope in the best way they can. Stop telling them how to feel.
12. I Don't Know Why You Care What Happens to Him Okay let me be clear on this one...even women that have been to hell and back because of a man care what happens to him. That's what love is. The very definition of unconditional love is that you love someone so much that it doesn't matter what they say or do, you still love them. If a woman has gone through a break up with someone that they unconditionally love, let me tell you a secret...they still love them. Because of that, they still care what happens to them. I don't know why you care...because they love them, even if they know that being with them is not the best thing.
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