One of my favorite movies is "Diary of a Mad Black Woman". One of the things that Madea says in that movie is that if you're still pissed off, you aren't over it. Tyler Perry's genius in writing this is that this is a psychological truth. You can feel like you're over something but if you still get mad thinking about it, you're not over it. Life's funny that way.
Recently, I've been pissed off a lot at one particular person. More than that, I've felt hurt or betrayed; most of the time I'm not sure which. This person did the one thing that I can't stand more than anything: they lied to me. Not only did they lie but when they got called on the lie, they denied it (therefore, lying again) and blamed me. Essentially they attempted to manipulate me into believing that it was MY fault that THEY made a bad choice. Sadly, for a heartbeat, I let myself believe it.
I think that it all changed when I saw my child imitate my behavior, which is normally not a bad thing. He did something that, to an outsider, seemed like a noble behavior. Instead, I saw it for what it was....it was an attempt too cover someone else's fault. It was an attempt to make someone else's wrong okay. While it was noble to try to protect someone's integrity, it's not something I want them to learn as a behavior. Enabling someone else to behave like a jerk is not a healthy behavior.
The scary part of it is that I had thought so much about it that my head hurt more than my heart but the minute I saw that, it was like a change took place. I transformed into someone that was wiser and stronger. I wasn't bitter. I wasn't angry. I wasn't even sad. I was wiser and at peace with my decision. I wasn't mad anymore. I was over it.
Who's to say why people feel entitled enough to treat others like they're less important? Who's to say why people make the bad choices that they do? Is it genetics? Is it upbringing? Is it just a selfishness deep inside them? Is it habit? Maybe it's different for everyone. Even those that were raised in the worst possible circumstance can develop a sense of entitlement if they're allowed to. In fact, sometimes people use their past circumstances as an excuse that entitles them to be a jerk. Here's what I say to that: Your past does not define you. Yes, it is part of who you are but you have the ability to overcome that and be a better person. You have the opportunity to not repeat your past.
Here is the mantra I have chosen to get through those weak moments where I question myself: I am worth more than second best. I am wonderful in a million ways and if someone chooses not to appreciate that, they are not wonderful themselves. I have done my best and the best is all I can do. I am stronger because I have learned from my past. I am wiser because I have chosen not to repeat bad decisions. I am an incredible woman and I deserve the very best.
Maybe that won't be your mantra. Develop your own, but don't let someone else define you and don't let your past become your baggage. Live life knowing that you are the best person you can be and choose to surround yourself with people that behave accordingly.
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