Fair warning: This is going to sound cynical. In fact, it's going to sound downright bitchy to some people but, then, I don't have a reputation for being a baker and I don't like to sugar coat things. So here goes......
I am a true romantic. I do believe in soul mates. I believe that there are people in this world that are meant for each other. I believe that there are perfect matches for people.....SOME people. I also believe that there are a lot of wrong matches. I believe that most people never find their match. I believe that most people are destined to muddle through it just dealing the best that they can...and here's why....
It is scientifically proven that people who are falling in love experience the same high drug addicts get from their drug of choice. The feeling wears off after the first year. During that first year, you can't keep your hands off each other, can't stand to be apart, and focus all of your attention on making each other happy. It's all about them and it makes you happy to make them happy. Here in lies the problem: It changes.
People will lie about anything to impress someone they like or love. They'll tell white lies, huge lies and completely omit the truth as well. It doesn't matter how you slice it, they will completely fool you into believing that they're amazing. The problem is that by the time you realize it, you're stuck between a rock and a hard spot. You've fallen in love. You've fallen so hard that you can't stand it. The liar has drawn you in and now you're stuck with being in love with someone who isn't really who they claim to be.
Now that you're stuck, you have a choice to make...so you stick it out. You keep sticking it out for whatever reason. You might have kids involved. You might have financial ties. You might have a strong belief that you just don't give up. There are a million reasons but what it comes down to is that you feel torn...stuck in a rut.
So you stay...and you get more miserable and less miserable at the same time. It becomes part of your identity. It's what you feel like you should be doing. In the meantime, you feel like you're going crazy. Maybe the person you're with guilts you into believing that everything is your fault. Maybe they manipulate you. Maybe it's the other way around. Who knows?
With all of that being said, it ends....and it usually ends badly. You end up being blamed for everything even when you've done nothing. In fact, that's usually how you can tell who caused the break up....they're the ones throwing OUT all the blame on others.
So what's the answer to it?
Maybe, just maybe the answer is much more simple than it seems. STOP PRETENDING. I stopped pretending long ago. I stopped being someone that I'm not long ago. I own the fact that I'm a geek. I love the fact that I'm a mom. I own my faults and my assets. The thing is, not many people are like that. Not many people want to fess up to the fact that they're not perfect....they want to give off a vibe of amazing perfection so that people will like them.
SET YOUR PRIORITIES AND BE HONEST ABOUT THEM. Look, not all people want to be in a long term relationship. If that's not what you want, be up front. Don't lead someone on. By the same token, don't pretend that you'll take an easy peasy approach to relationships if you have no desire to do so. Set your priorities in life and be up front.
KEEP WOOING YOUR LOVE If you DO get into a relationship, keep wooing them every single day. Stop taking them for granted. Stop treating them like a second thought.
If you're still reading, my apologies for being blunt. You had your warning. I'm not being cynical or angry, just honest. Maybe if I could find someone that agreed with me, I'd truly find my soul mate. Hahahaha
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