The Real Sex Ed

I've heard it said that sex ed should really be sitting a teenager in a room watching the same episode of "Caillou" over and over.  That I can actually agree with.  If I was going to make a little sex ed course, it'd probably entail some of the following....

Having to sniff for poo scent.  Yup, that's right.  Get used to sniffing for poo.  When they're little, you're sniffing their diapers and when they're older, you're doing the "did you change your underwear" cha cha on a daily basis.

Sitting in a room that smells like urine  Seriously, as soon as they potty train, get used to it (especially if you have boys).  Kids hardly ever remember to flush.  You should probably get used to floaters too.

Just for good measure, let's add sweat to that room too If you weren't grossed out enough, let's add sweat because you'll be smelling a lot of it.

and everyone around you is talking to you with something clenched between their teeth.  If life isn't hard enough, let's add that you can't understand what anyone is saying because they've got something clenched in their teeth much like a toddler with a pacifier trying to tell you what she wants for breakfast.

Because life isn't frustrating enough, randomly, for no reason at all, someone in the room will scream in a high pitched, opera level voice for no less than thirty minutes.  Perhaps they want a bite of your lunch or perhaps their sock is too tight.  Either way, it's non stop, it's loud and it's ear piercing.

Now let's throw in Caillou, Teletubbies, and for some good measure, Barney Lots and lots of Caillou because that whiny little twit gets nails-on-a-chalkboard aggravating about five minutes in.

and finally, at random, you have to listen to a voice that only dogs can make out screaming that you're ruining their life because...well....teenagers.

Everyone always refers to "great American smokeouts" when you catch your kid smoking.  How about using the same method for kids.  I can donate a few toddlers I know to make sex ed a much more potent experience that shows young girls that babies aren't as much fun as they think.  After that we can teach them about how to prevent pregnancy in an effective manner while it's still fresh on their brains.

Just food for thought.