To the parent of the toddler who is laying on the ground throwing a tantrum in the store,
I feel for you. My kids were all born very close together and I know the reality of tantrums. I've worked with kids for a number of years (outside of my home) and I know the overwhelming feeling of a child out of control enough to lay on the floor and scream. It is a special reality having been through a toddler with Sensory Processing Disorder. Sometimes it can be the smallest thing that sets them off and the cycling is terrifying for both of you. I feel for you. I understand and I know that fatigued face all too well.
Here's the thing....
Leaving them there on the floor as you step over them isn't good for anyone. I know you think that stepping over them will cause them to look around and realize they don't have an audience and maybe that works at home but it doesn't work in the middle of the supermarket. 99% of tantrums have nothing to do with a child being "spoiled." Most tantrums are actually due to the fact that the child is overwhelmed. Maybe he has been run all morning and expected to "just sit still." Maybe he didn't get enough sleep and is over tired. Maybe he's sensitive to noise or crowds. Maybe he just needs some "mom time" and the store just isn't the place. There could be a million causes. Regardless, stepping over them is not a solution. I don't care how inconvenient it is for you to drive your cart to the front and ask them to hold it for a few minutes. I don't care how inconvenient or embarrassing it is for you to pick them up and talk to them. You need to remove them from the situation. Here's why....
Not only are you continuing to overwhelm your child by having them scream in a supermarket aisle but you are also giving them an audience. Now (as I mentioned), most tantrums have little to do with an audience. That does not mean that you will not have comments from onlookers. These comments will often be hurtful. You can pretend like you don't care but you know that you see the looks and hear the comments. You know that it stings. Now imagine how that feels as a child. Imagine feeling completely overwhelmed and not only having your parent ignore your pleas but also having onlookers call you spoiled and stare at you. Can you imagine how you'd feel at your most overwhelming moment if you had people staring at you like a creature at the zoo?
Believe me, I'm not a super touchy feely parent. I DO believe in discipline. I DO believe in raising your kids with respect for others and manners. What I don't believe in is forcing everyone involved to sit through a toddler's tantrum because you "don't have time to shop later on." You can wait ten minutes. You can park that cart in customer service, take your child outside or to the restroom or to a quiet place in the store and allow them a moment to decontaminate so you can talk to them. It's not about the other customers in this case. It's about your child.
My final thought on this is to consider future planning on trips out. If you're going during nap time or leading up to nap time or after they've been told to just sit down all morning, you're asking for a meltdown. I understand that sometimes there is not a choice but, as often as possible, prevention is half the battle. Keep your chin up. You're doing great.
Sincerely,
Me
P.S. If you're reading this and you have an 8 year old that does this in the store because they aren't getting the toy they asked for, go ahead and reread the criteria. There is a difference between an overwhelmed toddler and a child that has been allowed to believe that every trip to the store means a present for them. Your 8 year old is being an entitled brat and needs to be taken outside for a whole different reason. Sorry, not sorry.
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