Dear Moms of Elementary Aged Girls,
When your daughter came into this world, you might have been the mom that dressed her in as much pink as possible, hoping it would help her to love all things girly. Maybe you're the mom that put a ball in her hand hoping she'd overcome the boundaries of the "girly girl" title and match every single accomplishment of a boy. Regardless of which path you were on, you probably had very high hopes for your daughter. You want her to take on the world. You want her to be strong and independent and go on to do great things. We all do.
Now that your daughter is in school, you're trying to maintain the delicate balance between being there to help and letting her figuratively spread her wings. You're about to get the wake up call of your life, though. Remember when the "mean girl" syndrome started in junior high? Those days are gone; it now starts young.....very young. You're about to enter a roller coaster that you can not imagine. These girls turn into divas very quickly in their pigtails and Justice clothing. Seriously, they could win Emmy awards.
Now here's the part where I say some things that might make you mad.
Stop teaching your little girls to be bitches. I am all for teaching independence to your daughter. I love the idea of empowering them and helping them to learn to speak up. You can encourage her, though, without teaching her to be a stuck up, mean girl. Stop teaching her to "speak her mind" without explaining that there are appropriate limitations on it. "Speak your mind" isn't an invitation to just be a jerk to everyone around you. "Speak your mind" is about learning to let someone know your ideas, your fears or your complaints. What is ISN'T about would include things like why a classmate's new shirt makes her look stupid or how someone else is ugly because they don't live up to the high standards you've let her think are reality. Teach your daughter to speak her mind in a respectful way, a way that will be helpful to her as she grows up. Teach her to speak up when someone is being treated injustly, not to be the one speaking the injustice.
Stop teaching your daughter to have groupies. Look, a lot of people have friends from a very young age and that's fantastic. That said, you encouraging your daughter to hang out ONLY with those friends is asking for it. Encourage your daughter to be nice to those around her, even if they aren't popular. Teach her to be kind and compassionate. Teach her to include others. Teach her that it's okay to have a core group of friends but that doesn't mean that she should ignore the new girl because she doesn't fit into the core criteria of her little mean girls group.
Stop teaching your daughters to act like teenagers. Yep, that's right, I said it. "Well she was born a teenager, I swear." Great. And you were the one that birthed her and YOU'RE responsible for letting her know that she's too young to act like she's 16. Get ahold of that attitude before it spins out of control. Stop teaching your five year old to dress, act and try to do her hair like some out of control celebrity. Stop teaching her to speak like, walk like and talk like a teenager before she's even hit the double digits. If she's got an older sibling, fine. Explain to her that her older sister does what she does because she's a teenager but that doesn't make your little princess entitled to the same attitude, privileges, etc.
Stop teaching her to use the word "hate" for people. Guess what? Kids don't learn the word "hate" on their own. "Hate" is a learned word. You CAN, in fact, teach kids that "hate" is a word for things and not people (i.e. I hate broccoli. I hate dancing.). Stop teaching your daughters that it's okay to say, "I hate Susie Q" because it's a strong word that invokes even stronger emotions. Get your head out of your ass and stop using that word to describe people in front of her. You're teaching her to create drama amongst her friends when she gets upset with them. Instead of "hate," how about you use your head and say something like, "I'm so aggravated." For a generation that is so convinced that we need to stop bullying, it's sure as hell being invoked every time you teach kids to hate.
And yeah, here's the biggest one.... stop teaching your daughters that they need to be the best at everything. Guess what? That adorable competitive attitude will not only create issues for her daughter as she gets older (if she can't keep up with school work, etc) but it will also make her into a monster. Is there a degree of competition that's healthy? Of course! Is it becoming out of hand when your daughter lets the envy get the best of her and starts putting down, bitching at or treating other girls with disrespect because they're better at something than your little diva? Yup. Too many little girls, now, are being taught that they have to outdo everyone. Holding a firm grasp on the Kardashian creed, they're taught to do whatever you need to do to your body and your integrity to be the most popular, best ever. It seems like the most popular kids keep turning more and more toward the meanest ones because everyone is afraid to stand up for themselves. You don't have to teach your daughter to throw others down in order to step on them to get to the top.
Listen, your daughter is a remarkable being and she's got a million great qualities. Teach her to be proud of her qualities. Teach her to love every part of herself, even if it's different. Teach her to love her imperfections and to own them. Teach her to do the best and to be in competition with no one but herself. Teach her to dress in what SHE likes. Teach her to be kind to everyone. Teach her to stand up for those that are defenseless. Teach her to be strong but to stand up for what's right. Teach her to not worry about popularity but to worry more about being a good person. Not only will it help her to become a better wife down the road but it will also help her to succeed more in life.
Sincerely,
A mom that is sick to death of elementary girl drama!
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